10 Hints that Your Girlfriend is PMSing…

Posted on January 6th, 2006 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious.

1. She bursts into tears because she walked all the way to the mailbox and found out it was full of nothing but junk mail.
2. She tries on every single pair of pants in her closet before she goes to work, and throws every single one of them on the floor in a heap because they all make her look “fat.”
3. She calls you at 1 AM, wakes you up, and accuses you of not caring about her because you hadn’t called her in more than six hours.
4. Out of nowhere, she mentions that armed robbery could be justified if you’re out of cash and hungry for m&m’s.
5. You wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat because she has filled the bed with hot water bottles in July.
6. She asks you to go to the store to buy tampons, and when you start to protest, you actually see the devil pop up in the pupils of her eyes and give you a scared, intimidated shake of his head– silently suggesting that refusal could be a bad idea.
7. As you’re lying on the sofa watching t.v. with her, you gently try to brush a lock of hair out of her face and she yells “Stop it!” and kicks you in the head.
8. You ask her if she’s PMSing and she responds by throwing something sharp at you and screaming “Why the hell would you ask me that?!”
9. You ask her if there’s anything you can get her for her cramps and she answers by rolling into the fetal position and whispering, “Just tell whoever shoved a knife up my ass and is twisting it around to please stop.”
10. You come home to find her sobbing and for once, you actually didn’t do anything to cause it.

35 comments.

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Crystal the Soldier scribbled

Are y’all back together? I mean, I hate to ask, but it’s KILLING me! Don’t throw things at me!!

January 6th, 2006

aJ the Zen Master thought this

Yes Yes.. I wanna know too!
Btw, Good list Chris.. As usual, women are a mystery which can’t be solved

January 6th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro added

That is a question never to be brought up it just leads to very very bad things.. trust me on this one.

January 7th, 2006

Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this

He won’t let *me* ask this question either… he gets very upset with me when I ask him to clarify what I am to him (just a friend, someone he wants to date, his girlfriend, etc…) and my asking that question almost always leads to him getting very agitated and telling me a few days later that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me… which is then followed by him apologizing and telling me he doesn’t really mean that. And that usually leads to me feeling insecure and I start to detach from him… it’s a very unpleasant cycle.

We are better off when we don’t talk about things, and I just let him do what he wants to do without defining it. Last night, he got home, read my post, realized I was PMSing and came over to my place with the best chocolate truffles I’ve ever had, brought some movies, covered me with a blanket and let me fall asleep on him. Christopher can be the most amazing guy I’ve ever met and he treats me like a princess most of the time… so I’ve realized that if I want him to be happy (and I really do), I just can’t ever bring up our relationship. That’s really hard for me because I’m a person who likes to know where I stand with things all the time so that I don’t worry that I think we’re going one direction and he thinks we’re going another. When he’s ready to define whatever it is I am to him, I think he’ll let me know.

January 7th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro remarked

She can ask all she wants (and she does).. it’s complicated.. did you people read that list above.. she thinks it is acceptable to throw sharp objects when she is PMSING why do you think I brought truffles??? I also have developed a “secret” (not so secret because she has figured it out) tea that puts her to sleep right away so if she is sketchin out I just have to convince her to have some tea and she is zzzzzzz zzzzzzz after a few minutes.

January 7th, 2006

Haas the Addict hunt n' pecked this

Hey Christopher cool thing with the truffels and all , that was really sweet. Btw Christine is there any safe way do #8 without getting stabbed (for instance…) or do we just get the clues.

January 7th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro added

Really sweet… lol.. it’s like giving a dog that doesn’t like you a piece of bacon.. it gets ya on their good side for awhile.

January 7th, 2006

Haas the Addict mentioned

lol… Protecting your self eh. Come on dude a part of you wanted to do it… didnt it

January 7th, 2006

Christine the Lioness added

Don’t waste your time, Haas… he will NEVER admit he did anything just to be a cool guy. But the truth is… he did want to do it because there is a teensy weensy part of his ice-cold Grinch heart that likes taking care of me and seeing me smile. But he’s not lying about that tea thing… I think he discovered it by accident when I drank it one night and fell asleep really quickly. Then, I think he experimented a few times because he would make the tea, give it to me, and then say, “Are you tired?” Now, he’s added it to his stash of weapons…LOL.

And Haas… believe me, us girls don’t like PMS any more than you guys do… if we could eliminate it, we would. But since that doesn’t seem to be in the cards any time soon, I suggest you just learn to duck and slip when impalement-capable objects come flying your way.

January 7th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro stated

So..does anybody doubt that she stabbed me anymore?? And you guys are still voting her more likley to go to heaven.. it is really likely she will slit my throat someday.

January 7th, 2006

Christine the Lioness added

Since we already know where you’re going, I guess there’s no need to let you wait it out… I’ll just be expediting the process.

January 7th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro spake, and sayeth

That would explain great deal of our behavior.

January 7th, 2006

Haas the Addict thought this

Just a thought… Considering all the stabbing and all… will sliting the throat be considered mercy killing (thats still better than killing for pleasure I guess). Btw how come no option for both goin to heaven

January 7th, 2006

Christine the Lioness penned this

Good question, Haas. We have to ask Christopher that, because he came up with the choices for the voting… I only came up with the question. And your idea of a mercy killing is interesting… the boy is obviously in misery (which he attributes to being with me for some unbeknownst reason)… so yes… I think I could convince a jury of that. “It was the only humane thing to do…”

January 7th, 2006

Katie the Mercenary said this

omg this is sooo funny…gonna show it to my fiancee. I hate even more …when they go “Is it that time of the month!?!” No genius I just thought Id be pisses off and cry for no reason just for shits and giggles lol. Men can be so smart and then when it comes to things like this so SILLY!

January 8th, 2006

Haas the Addict asserted

Dude, my advice… Watch ur back and keep the truffels comin…

January 8th, 2006

Lei the Mercenary spake, and sayeth

nice list christine, i agree totally. congrats on the tea christopher, and yeah, keep the choco truffels coming

January 8th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin asserted

My wife has had fewer than 10 periods in 10 years.
.
.
.
.
Mind you, she’s been pregnant and/or nursing for most of that…
I have to admit, though, having kids who adore you and are as great as mine are is certainly better than dealing with a cramping, whinging, contentious wife every month.

January 10th, 2006

Katie the Mercenary said this

yeah but ben you had a hormonal wife for 9 months at a time… i think my hunny would take a week of lunacy every month over 9 solid months of it lol

January 10th, 2006

Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this

So you keep your wife impregnated so she won’t whine… damn… her whining must have been really, really bad. I think most guys would prefer just bringing over the truffles and dodging the sharp objects. LOL!

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin spake, and sayeth

Actually, my wife is radiant and beautiful during pregnancy. She loves being pregnant. She is a naturapath, so she knows what foods and herbs to take to reduce her morning sickness. Did I mention that she loves being pregnant?
Aside from being a little tired and needing some assistance lifting, she takes care of herself during pregnancy. It’s only the first month or so and the last couple weeks that I notice an additional load of care that she needs.
She is so radiant and happy, glowing with health and vitality, brimming with love and caring when she’s pregnant. I’ve yet to experience the “hormonal wife” during pregnancy.

January 10th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro pontificated

Ben, that is fantastic, does she have a sister?

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin mentioned

Yes, but she’s married and a total bit.. … um … we don’t get along.

January 10th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro chimed in with

lol.

Well that pretty much disqualifies.

Rule #1 - No married girls.
Rule #2 - No bitches (Christine is hardly ever bitchy… seriosly.

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin hunt n' pecked this

There was a time when the fantasies in my mind allowed me to ply those waters…
…but lately…
…do you remember the dying pac-man sound?

January 10th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro thought this

HAHAHAH lol.

January 10th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro chimed in with

Ben u need a Gravatar. You post way to much not to have one.

January 10th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro stated

Katie 2 for that matter.

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin mentioned

I’d like one. Where do I get one? How do I get one? Teach me, oh master of the Gravatar…
(Is it anything like a Grammaton Cleric?)

January 10th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro added

Ben.

http://www.gravatar.com/

January 10th, 2006

Christine the Lioness remarked

Isn’t it Avatar, not Gravatar? Or do we just add whatever consonant blends we feel like to the beginning of words anymore?

I’m surprised Christopher is looking for a woman who is radiant and loves to be pregnant… he’s already warned me that if I ever got pregnant, he’d be out the door faster than I can count to ten…

January 10th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro spake, and sayeth

Really I warned you about that.. I actually never worried about it because I know you like killing babies. lol.. I’m burning in hell for that one.

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin scribbled

One of these days, you two need to post your real pictures…

January 12th, 2006

free casino game video poker the Virgin chimed in with