Christine the Lioness (3122)
Christopher the Pyro (1985)
ProphetJoe the Irreverent (1228)
Trouble the Pirate (600)
Keith the Director (573)
Mara the Peacemaker (530)
eric the Lil' Devil (351)
AJ the Zen Master (305)
Ben the Kingpin (213)
Haas the Addict (187)
Christine 2 the Mercenary (131) Lei the Mercenary (124) Katie the Mercenary (115)
Ben2 the Soldier (56) ProphetJoe the Irreverent scribbled
Pffft… cat lover!
Trouble the Pirate said this
1. Cats can jump to a height of over six times its own height. Hence why a can of ‘air-horn’ and a cat can provide countless hours of entertainment.
2. If a cat falls, it has the ability to right itself and land on its feet before hitting the ground… From less than 10 feet, a good reason to drop them out of the 3rd or 4th floor window.
3. Cats have incredible night vision, because their eyes were a gift from Satan the dark lord.
4. Cats begin dreaming at only 1 week old, they have intricate dreams about sleeping all day, chasing shadows, scratching you randomly… And shedding.
5. 40% of cats are ambidextrous while 30% are right pawed and 30% are left pawed, but their handwriting is still illegible regardless…
6. While dogs tend to get lost easily and need a person to help them, PSI trailings explain a cats ability to travel a long distance to return to their home. Hence the preferred method of tying them in a sack before throwing them into the water…
7. A cat can rotate her ears independently (dogs cannot) and each ear rotates 180 degrees, allowing her to locate the direction of a sound 10 times faster than the best watch dog. Unfortunately, while your pit-bull will devour an intruder, your cat will sit idly by as they pilfer all your stuff.
8. Cats tend to respond better to women than men due to the fact that women and cats share practically all character traits such as; moodiness, duplicity, egocentricity, avarice etc…
9. In 1987, cats overtook dogs as the number one pet in America, because they’re cheaper and people are inherently lazy… Walking the dog just became too much of a chore.
10. It has been scientifically proven that stroking a cat can lower a humans blood pressure. It has also been shown that in times of great stress, the endorphins produced in the brain after delivering a swift kick to the rear portion of a cat, help to lower blood pressure even further.
Christine the Lioness commented
ROFL!
AJ the Zen Master spake, and sayeth
LMAO @ Trouble! Good comeback =))
ProphetJoe the Irreverent up'n wrote this
Trouble gets 
ProphetJoe the Irreverent asserted
Oh, Christine, the ONLY way a cat can be cooler than a dog is if you leave it in the freezer over night — try it, it really works!!
Haas the Addict scribbled
Trouble that was just brilliant…
Im sorry Christine dear, Seems like you were just preaching to some Dog lovers in your audience… In all fairness #2 and #7(original list) were very cool… rest of it can sound the way you want to make it sound… Take #9 for example…
Since 1987 Cats hv been challenging rabbits and rats for the most humping per year title… Not only that they prefer richer owners… So next time your cat is missing it probably just found an owner who bought catfood paying 50c more 
Christopher the Pyro asserted
lol… nice Haas.
Adam Jones the Virgin scribbled
Dogs are more loyal to their owners. They wear their heart on their sleave. Bless ‘em!
Christine the Lioness scribbled
Haas… I don’t think cats hump “more…” I think cats are just smart enough to know the difference between another cat and a plastic form that loosely resembles another cat (unlike dogs apparently)… so cat f’ing results in more pregnancies.
And you’re right… while a dog will stick with a master that beats and starves it, just looking at a cat wrong could prompt it to leave and find an owner “more suitable.” So you tell me which species is smarter… 
dave the Virgin got all philosophical
u need HELP DOGS WHERE THE FIRST ANIMALS IN SPACE. WHAT DO CATS DO TO HELP HUMANS WHAT IF YOUR BLIND DO YOU WANT A SEEING EYE CAT. WHAT ABOUT THE EXTEAEMLY HEIPFULL POLICE CAT. DOGS FOLLOW YOU AROND BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY KNOW THEY MAY BE PRAISED OR GIVIN TREATS CATS ARE LAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ADAM IS A SAINT
ProphetJoe the Irreverent remarked
Come on ‘tine! Cats only mate when they are in heat. Dogs do it because it feels good (that would make ‘topher a “dog”, right )
Seriously, when an owner dies alone in the house, dogs often stand guard over the body, but there are numerous recorded cases where those “cute little balls of fluff” eat their dead owners’ flesh — let’s face it. The dog sees its owner as its best friend while the cat sees its owner as prey (or at least potential fast food), but only if there’s no “work” involved with taking the prey down. Cats — pfft.
Christine the Lioness remarked
That just shows how stupid dogs are. Dogs don’t even realize that their owner has died and doesn’t need protection. Cats, on the other hand, will use common sense, sniff their dead owner and say “Well, he’s dead. And I’m now starving because he used to open the cans of cat food for us… so… I guess it wouldn’t make sense for us to starve and I doubt he’ll mind since he’s dead.” Which actually shows a cat’s remarkable ability to reason.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent hunt n' pecked this
Sure. Puurrrfectly logical…
in a Jeffrey Dahmer sort of way 
Marcia the Virgin added
Ok I agree with Christine. Cats are much more smarter than dogs. Dogs stick their heads in buckets and are entertained for hours. Cats just go up to it, sniff it, and say, “What, do you honestly expect me to play with this rubbish?”‘
If you drop a cat in the middle of the wilderness, it has a 75% change of survival, while a dog has 7%. Cats naturally keep themselves clean, while dogs smell really bad, and HUMANS have to take the time to wash them.
Cats can tell when they are getting sick, and take steps to cure themselves, such as eating fresh growing grass. Dogs look at you with big eyes and collapse at your feet panting pathetically. (Same sickness, I may add).
Cats are cleaner than dogs. Cats scrape dirt or litter over their waste, and dogs eat their own crap, or just leave it where ever it falls.
I myself have a cat, and when I once closed the bathroom door that leads to my cat’s litter box at night, she held in her urine until 9:30 the next morning until I opened the door. Yea, let me see a dog do that.
About that “dead - person - cat - eating - owner - dog - keeping - watch” scenario, duh cats are going to eat the human,. Cats use their common sense and figure out that the human is indeed dead and unless the body is discovered soon, they are going to starve. Cats, though it may seem ruthless, say “skrew the human, I’m hungry, my owner is dead and there is nothing I can do about it.” Dog think that their owners will come back form the dead and feed them, so they will stay by their side until they do (Not gonna happen).
Dogs are stupid enough to obey every single command that a human gives them, for a treat and a belly rub. “Gome on doggie, if you jump off a cliff, I’ll give you a belly rub.” Cats don’t go up into space because they can’t be trained as well. Cats are also too small to be used as a blind person’s guide, but cats wouldn’t want to help anyway, because they are just so cool like that. All of those amazing facts about cats featuring in the beginning are true, and “Trouble” in an insolent person to make fun of the fact that cats are just better than dogs. Face it, cats rule.
Christine the Lioness pontificated
ha! Finally someone who sees cats for the amazing little things they really are. Besides… lions (which are just big cats) are “king of the jungle.”
Hey… I have nothing against dogs. I think it’s awesome how they can be employed and all that (check out my post from a while back about careers for your dog), and they bring a lot of joy to people’s lives. But if we really want to look at which species is “cooler,” it’s gotta be a cat.
Christopher the Pyro scribbled
The loser index on this site has just risen by one… everybody clap now.
Christine the Lioness asserted
Sticks and stones… sticks and stones…
Cheri the Virgin mentioned
LOL this site is hysterically hilarious!! **say that 10 time in a row** So I just wanted to throw my two cents in regarding the whole cat verses dog post.
I work at an emergency vet and see quite a few accidents/ illnesses involving both, cats and dogs. I have come to a conclusion after seven years of interacting with these wonderful creatures.
Dogsserving their own purpose in this world as companion to human in traveling, hiking, and swimming; protector of territory, owner, and house with a bigger bark than bite in most cases; working to earn their keep and only so proud at the end of the day that they have accomplished something that a mere treat and pat on the head last for days. I do admit dogs are great in their own way and I love them. I have 2 and have fostered countless homeless dogs.
Catsserving their own purpose in this world as companion to human in the bed, computer chair, and bath tube by saying Im here for ya let me warm your toshie or shoulders and relax you with the sound of my purr; protector of flower beds, gardens, and barns by chasing away nuisance creatures that destroy or inhabit these areas; working to keep themselves clean and beautiful for humans with no expectations or needing a treat to know they are great but also letting you know when they have been neglected in a subtle way! I admit cats are absolutely wonderful in their own way and I adore them. I have 5 cats and have rescued many off the streets.
Now I dont know if anyone can see the correlation here but cats and dogs go hand in hand just as women and men do. Dogs are just like men, hence the saying: Hes a dog!
Men like dogs rely on others to train them, bath them, play with them and feed them. When a dog is sick you are aware of it in that moment, just like a man.
However, cats on the other hand are just like women, hence the saying: I love pussy! Women like cats are self reliant, self serving, and born with the ability to already know what to do. When a cat is sick it is covered up or hid so not to bother you, the cat will try to heal itself on its own. Just like a woman.
So the question here is the all time unanswerable. Who is better? Men or Women???
Christopher the Pyro spake, and sayeth
Cheri… that is a stupid question..
Men of course, but women have their purposes.. cooking.. cleaning.. something to look at… 
Christine the Lioness stated
God, Cheri… if it only really took just a pat on the head to get them to protect, be loyal, and earn their keep. You can hardly compare men and dogs in that regard.
Actually… I do see similarities how dog/male behavior and cat/female behavior. But if that were really true… wouldn’t women want dogs and men want cats? Since opposites tend to attract?
Christopher the Pyro penned this
Haven’t we throughly dispelled the opposites attrack myth… there is a saying for any situation..
Christine the Lioness asserted
God help me if opposites don’t attract.
Cheri the Virgin remarked
Hi Christine… yes it is true opposite do attract in regards to men and women… Usually though when we (women or men) want a ‘best friend’ as in a cat or dog, we want like… Someone or somthing that can comfort us and have a propensity of what we like and don’t like.
You are totally correct in saying a mere treat or pat on the head for men wont work, it is much more complicated then that… And men say women are complicated! HA hehe
ProphetJoe the Irreverent penned this
Hmm, submitted a comment, but it disappeared! Here’s a slightly different version:
I see the correlation:
Dogs are social animals who are also happy with just one owner. They love food, playing games, sex, competing with one another, hunting, sex, sports, sex. They are protective and loyal. When you die, they will miss you. Their bark is worse than their bite, but you always know where you stand with a dog. A dog will always check out the new bitch’s butt on the walk around the neighborhood.
A cat is finicky. She is often a picky eater too. She wants the litter box “just right”. She is content to be waited on hand and foot (by her human servant) and can be cranky when she is awoken from her nap. A cat *may* be sociable around other cats, but that can change from day to day. She will kill a mouse, if she’s in the mood, but she will toy with it (controlling its fate) before she kills it — then she won’t eat it. A cat can wag her tail to show happiness and pleasure, or it may be because she irritated and annoyed with you — you won’t know until she claws you. A cat is as content when it is on its “owners” lap as it is when it’s in its favorite hiding place (away from you!) A cat will eat you when you die (because that’s you’re only useful purpose now that you’ve quit petting it) and it will only mate when it in heat.
In short, we pay a person a compliment when we say “s/he works like a dog to provide for that family” and we insult someone when we say “he/she ain’t nothing but a pussy.”
Yeah, I see the correlation!
Christine the Lioness pontificated
But do dogs ogle all the owners that walk by with a look on their face that they wish they had “that” owner… or are they actually just happy with the owner they have? Yeah, that’s what I thought. The more we look into this… the more we realize dogs and men are nothing alike.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent scribbled
But what the hell — the cat won’t generally go on a walk with you because it’s either too much exertion or they’re embarassed by you “humans”. No, I think the movie Cats and Dogs was pretty accurate. Good vs evil…. sorry, ‘tine.
)
ProphetJoe the Irreverent pontificated
Ok, poor word placement in that last sentence above (of mine) —
Dogs = good / Cats = evil
There is some thing that escaped you about cats: they are selfish. While dogs continue with you whether you are rich or poor cats go looking for better homes and return to you when the situation improves - as you mentioned in #6 …when necessary.
gezneg the Virgin hunt n' pecked this
There is some thing that escaped you about cats: they are selfish. While dogs continue with you whether you are rich or poor cats go looking for better homes and return to you when the situation improves - as you mentioned in #6 when necessary.
hate you the Virgin chimed in with
you guys are sickl
Marcia the Virgin hunt n' pecked this
I agree, the movie cats vs. dogs was pretty accurate. It shows how cats are the evil masterminds and how the dogs fall for their “evil” tricks every time. It just goes to show how cats can outsmart dogs and how it takes a miracle for the dogs to win.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent thought this
and that cats are, basically, evil.
Marcia the Virgin thought this
I think that it all depends on your perception of evil. If evil falls under the catagory of things that are smart, cunning, and sly, cats must be very, very evil.
Christine the Lioness asserted
Or maybe they’re just smart, cunning, and sly. 
Marcia the Virgin uttered
Yup, that too.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent pontificated
My perception of evil is this: something that I (probably) bought, take to the doctor for all sorts of shots, feed, “love” (well, not me personally, but someone loves cats) and clean up after their bodily function should not, upon my death, attempt to eat me. Yeah — that sums it up pretty well.
Trouble the Pirate penned this
Yeah, yeah, we’ve flogged this damn cat enough… New post already… That one about the condom-based ‘football’ team don’t count…
Christine the Lioness hunt n' pecked this
LOL, Trouble. Okay… gimme a few days. I’ve been swamped with work, but I’m sure I can come up with something you’ll enjoy.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent penned this
Note to Trouble — don’t you just love it when a hottie like Christine says that to you!
Christine the Lioness remarked
Damn. Now the pressure is really on.
SAMANTHA the Virgin chimed in with
I LOVE THIS ARTICLE I AM USEING IT FOR A PROJECT FOR SCHOOL!! 
)
ProphetJoe the Irreverent thought this
Yikes — that could get you thrown out of school, Samantha!!!
Christine the Lioness chimed in with
Are you saying I’m not a reliable resource, PJ???
ProphetJoe the Irreverent remarked
Geez, Christine, you just propositioned Trouble a few comments ago Do you want Sam to have a permanent black mark on her record — what if she’s a 3rd grader who just likes ?
Christine the Lioness spake, and sayeth
What is your point?
J/k… uh, yeah… Samantha… uh… sometimes we fudge some of the statistics on our site– especially when “real” statistics aren’t readily available, so this is probably not the best site for you to “site” information for your school project. And on top of that, it’s probably not the url you should be handing out to all your little friends.
Although I do agree with you that cats are cooler than dogs and that topic in and of itself would make for a great project regardless of your age or grade level.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent uttered
Samantha — all you need to remember is that rule and drool.
Trouble the Pirate penned this
Speak for yourselves, I always do the dew diligence, and thoroughly research all the facts and data before I make up the statistics that I site on this cite… 
Christine the Lioness chimed in with
I understand, Trouble. I “due” the research too and if the statistics don’t support my argument, I am left with no choice but to create my own.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent pontificated
I think the too of you are full of doo-doo this morning!
Trouble the Pirate got all philosophical
Wee too are full of due-doo? Oh yew doo, due ewe? Well I two think you too are full of dew-doo… What doo ewe think about that… Dood? … 
ProphetJoe the Irreverent asserted
[SQUAAWWWWWWKKKK!!!]
I agree, parrot. I surrender… I haven’t had enough this morning, nor enough 
last night, to match the rapier wit of that cutlass of the Caymans. All hail the Pirate King!
Trouble the Pirate hunt n' pecked this
Yo ho, yo ho… A pirate’s life for me…
Where the hell is Chris? Must be workin’ real hard…
ProphetJoe the Irreverent thought this
Yeah, where the hell is he?
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Say did you notice Mara’s not around either?? Trouble, did I ever tell you the story about Christopher and Mara??
Trouble the Pirate thought this
Oftentimes… Regardless, it’s still just a theory…
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. - Garrison Keillor
Cats’ hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other. - Stephen Baker
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.” - Alfred North Whitehead
“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.”- Pam Brown
Trouble the Pirate mentioned
They’re gonna’ haf’ta rename this blog “ProphetJoe vs. Trouble”…
ProphetJoe the Irreverent remarked
NO!
Besides, it’s really just Christine and her multiple personalities — I’ve often thought that Christopher, Mara and you were all really just alter egos of Miss Christine. Then I realize I was too…
Trouble the Pirate spake, and sayeth
In answer to Marcia’s contribution:
“If you drop a cat in the middle of the wilderness, it has a 75% change of survival, while a dog has 7%.”
You have obviously never watched “8 below.”
“Cats naturally keep themselves clean, while dogs smell really bad, and HUMANS have to take the time to wash them.”
Yes, because the smell of cat saliva is really lovely. A dog relishes being washed, and will beam with pride when it is clean… The only way to get a cat near a bath is to forcefully hold it underwater… Come to think of it, that’s a good idea…
“Cats can tell when they are getting sick, and take steps to cure themselves, such as eating fresh growing grass. Dogs look at you with big eyes and collapse at your feet panting pathetically. (Same sickness, I may add).”
True… Then the cat will wander inside… And vomit all over your rug…
“Cats are cleaner than dogs. Cats scrape dirt or litter over their waste, and dogs eat their own crap, or just leave it where ever it falls.”
That’s because toxic-waste has to be buried… A day in the sun and dog-poop turns dry & white, and can then be smoked to produce a good buzz […just ask Cheech & Chong…]
“I myself have a cat, and when I once closed the bathroom door that leads to my cats litter box at night, she held in her urine until 9:30 the next morning until I opened the door. Yea, let me see a dog do that.”
Usually the dog will just wake you up to let it outside…
“About that dead - person - cat - eating - owner - dog - keeping - watch scenario, duh cats are going to eat the human,. Cats use their common sense and figure out that the human is indeed dead and unless the body is discovered soon, they are going to starve. Cats, though it may seem ruthless, say skrew the human, Im hungry, my owner is dead and there is nothing I can do about it. Dog think that their owners will come back form the dead and feed them, so they will stay by their side until they do (Not gonna happen).”
The dog stands guard over its owner and would rather starve to death than desecrate the body of the person it swore allegiance to, with its owner and source of love gone, it becomes indifferent to continuing in a miserable [friend cannibalizing] existence, and would gladly and stoically remain by its owner’s side.
“Dogs are stupid enough to obey every single command that a human gives them, for a treat and a belly rub. Gome on doggie, if you jump off a cliff, Ill give you a belly rub.”
Dogs understand that life is give & take… They do not obey ‘commands’, they comply with requests, because they understand that it is a partnership. Cats only take… If you are comfortable being ‘owned’ by a common animal, then this is not a problem…
“Cats dont go up into space because they cant be trained as well.”
They can’t be trained AT ALL, they’re not smart enough to learn anything useful, like piloting rocketships, guiding their blind owners through traffic, chasing down criminals…
“Cats are also too small to be used as a blind persons guide, but cats wouldnt want to help anyway, because they are just so cool like that.”
Excuses…excuses… Just another way of trying to explain selfish, uncaring and useless behavior… I’m too small, boo hoo hoo… Being small never stopped a dog… Even a pekingese will do its best to guard your house… Well, i’m too cool to help… Whatever, yeah you’re cool cat… Thanks for nothing…
“All of those amazing facts about cats featuring in the beginning are true, and Trouble in an insolent person to make fun of the fact that cats are just better than dogs. Face it, cats rule.”
Yeah… They rule you… Me and my dog are going fishing now…
Trouble the Pirate stated
PJ… Aren’t we all just alter-egos of other people? …Ohmmmmmmm…
Trouble the Pirate up'n wrote this
…But don’t get your wife’s panties that you sneaked out of her drawer this morning and are secretly wearing under your business suit in a twist… I don’t want them to change the name of the blog, I’ve got my own blog already [although I haven’t updated in nearly a month]… I was just hoping to guilt them into playing with us… I’m not very busy at work today [for a change] and I be a bored little pirate… Arghhhh!
Trouble the Pirate added
Oh! And in response to ‘hate you’ the virgin’s comment,
“you guys are sickl”
We may be ’sick’… But at least we’re on a promising treatment of therapy and under-the-counter medication… You, on-the-other-hand, are a doo-doo head… And as yet there is no cure for that…
Oh, and your mom eats cat-poop… poooooooooooooooooooooop
Mara the Peacemaker up'n wrote this
I wonder from time to time whether my life is really a movie like in The Truman Show or simply a figment of someone’s imagination…like God’s perhaps…
Christopher the Pyro asserted
Well I WOULD have commented today but I spent the morning getting out of Christine’s doghouse… I think I can say that I’m officially out now.. anyway 1st… our stats are more than reliable enough I think the important thing to remember is that anybody who uses our stats should make sure they cite us… hopefully in the form of a nice link.
wat r cats 4 anyway? the Virgin scribbled
cat’s r not nice coz my mate had 1 and it almost killed me 
wat r the use of cat’s? i hate them have to do assiment on em i love my pet dog keiko she is a good girl cat’s r bat’s scary and not nice dog’s are nice
wat r cats 4 anyway? the Virgin got all philosophical
afta hangin with my dog i get happy she is a great dog DOGS 4 EVA!!!!!! 
wat r cats 4 anyway? the Virgin penned this
Y is this site talkin a bout my sex life?
Erniebird the hunter the Virgin added
ProphetJoe the Irreverent thought this
Wow, I’m sorry I left town for the weekend just as Trouble set sail on his voyage through the Sea of Boredom — that could have been a very informative thread if we had broken out the rum!
I will add 2 comments to this thread:
1) I have been attacked (as a child) by both a cat and a dog. The cat attack required a visit to the emergency room. The dog was protecting his turf and was not intent on killing me — the cat [our family cat] was just a bitch with a bad attitude and I nearly lost an eye because of her!
2) This quote by Robert Heinlein: “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” Amen, brother!
ProphetJoe the Irreverent pontificated
Christopher said “Well I WOULD have commented today but I spent the morning getting out of Christines doghouse”
Given her feelings, don’t you mean Christine’s cathouse?
Trouble the Pirate stated
Miss Christine’s Cat-house… … …fantasy complete.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent added
AAARRRRGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!
ProphetJoe the Irreverent commented
Mara said “I wonder from time to time whether my life is really a movie like in The Truman Show or simply a figment of someones imaginationlike Gods perhaps”
The latter — I would have seen you on cable if it were the former.
Mara the Peacemaker up'n wrote this
PJ, perhaps you’re part of the show too and you just don’t know it
ProphetJoe the Irreverent asserted
I would only be a part of the show if I had a starring role — and there were several naked, well-endowed women involved in taboo sexual practices.
a the Virgin pontificated
cool!! ) ) )
a the Virgin spake, and sayeth
cool!!
a the Virgin commented
i love cats they are sooooo cool
ProphetJoe the Irreverent asserted
Hmmm, 2 comments of “cool” immediately following my comment about taboo sexual practices with well endowed women — does this qualify as having groupies??
Kenna the Virgin got all philosophical
Well, this is my opinion: We all have our different opinions and there’s nothin’ wrong with that!
Yours Truley,
~Kenna~
i personly love dogs and cats and kittens and puppies so i luv both and noone can change that!!! ) )
K.P. (the truth may hurt but its the truth)! the Virgin hunt n' pecked this
I have one thing to say and one thing only: CATS RULE dogs r cool……….! ) NCMO TRY N GUESS WAT THAT SAYS! ) im not mad.
Christine the Lioness asserted
I’m glad our site appeals to a mass audience. Sometimes.
cats are way easier to find and kill though
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