aJ the Zen Master remarked

Nice list!
Christopher, You are a good teacher
And you are lucky that Christine learnt all this stuff.
Christine, I wish I had someone like that, who understood and learnt about me so easily

January 2nd, 2006

Ben the Kingpin thought this

On the debt thing, let me tell you…
http://harshrealities.info/ben/?p=211
We paid off all our credit cards!

January 4th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin penned this

I never did get the fascination with leather furniture…
…but, then, I’m really quite different as a consumer than most–and changing (for the better, I think) more and more each day!

January 5th, 2006

katie the Mercenary added

ohhh i love tetris…..
Christine its not called high maintenance…its called being treated like the princess that all of us girls are haha

January 5th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin said this

I have to say, my wife is wonderful. She expects *nothing*–so I do my best to give her *everything*.
It’s the girls that *expect* it that are “high maintenance” and the girls that don’t who are princesses.

January 6th, 2006

Matt the Groupie hunt n' pecked this

No no no… Eurotrip is not a good film. Other than that..

January 9th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin penned this

Christine, I think you misunderstood me.
My comment was universal–the same is true of men who are “selfish bastards” and those who are “attentive and gentlemen.” The secret is not to *expect* to be treated well.
What it boils down to is pride. Once you believe you are worthy of some specific behavior and you expect it to be done, you have elevated yourself (pridefully and selfishly) above others.
My wife and I have a great and wonderful relationship. She doesn’t expect certain behaviors–yet I give them willingly. By the same token, I don’t expect certain behaviors–yet she gives them willingly.
Not expecting someone to bring you a cold drink when you’re working hard and then finding that they have done it–out of the kindness of their heart because they were attentive to your desires and needs–is the secret. If I had expected a cold drink and she brought it, there is nothing special happening–because I expect it–and if she didn’t? Well, then she didn’t live up to my expectations, did she?
So, bottom line: The less you expect, the easier you are to please and the more highly others will think of you and, therefore, be more willing to do those things that you don’t expect.
…whether they are male or female…

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin commented

…As far as the sex thing, I firmly believe what the Bible teaches on this matter: the body of the woman belongs to her husband and the body of the man belongs to his wife. They are told “not to defraud one another” and even when fasting to agree to be apart “only for a time” and that the amount of time by mutual agreement.
And yes, Christine, I can completely assure you that the best way to keep your man from “wandering” is to keep his internal resevoir as close to zero as you can manage.
There are hormonal changes in a man when that resevoir fills up and if you’re not willing to do the emptying, he’s going to find someone else to help him out…
(I am speaking on a very generic and very basic level, I’m not suggesting that the answer to any kind of relationship problem is sex. Rather, that a solid, communicative, open, loving, sexual relationship between two lovers works best when all the needs are met by one another and there is no reason to look elsewhere for fulfillment.)

January 10th, 2006

Katie the Mercenary quibbed this

ben..i agree people who do not expect things are easier to please…my fiancee and I are like that and it makes things so much easier. We do the lil things like a note in his suitcase when he travels for work, the unexpected voicemail or call to say I love you… thats what I think makes it work…. ya know!?!

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin commented

Settling and having no expectations are apples and oranges.
Settling is done more, in my opinion, by those who have an overabundance of expectations–which no one could ever match.
As for emptying the resevoir, surely, Christine, you are aware that it’s a lot more interesting and fun to have someone help out–while you’re helping the, presumably–than to do it all by your lonesome.

January 10th, 2006

Katie the Mercenary thought this

Christine I agree… i just meant as far as like “extras” i guess you would call them… i dont expect them so when i do get them its a pleasant surprise

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin quibbed this

…just as long as an orgasm is not considered “an extra”.

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin commented

In all seriousness, there are some women who don’t like to “pop” every time. They like to have a couple times in-between to build and then have a “pop” every 3rd or 4th day.
This baffles me, as a man. Completely baffles me. But, mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do…

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin up'n wrote this

Chris,
My wife was. Since she reached her mid-thirties, however, things have changed. My, oh my, how they have changed!
(I need a “woohoo!” smiley. )

January 10th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin mentioned

Christine, we average about 2-3 nights a week, 3-4 “times” a week. We’ve been married for 17 years (since we were both 20) and are more in love today than ever before.
Sometimes our encounters are more of a “man, what a day, I need relief…” Sometimes we just crash into each other. Sometimes we make very special appointments. Sometimes we wake up in the middle of the night, move the kids to the futon and enjoy as quietly as we can.
/

January 11th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin penned this

We have more fun in our bedroom, playing games, snuggling, tickling, laughing, wrestling. To help prolong the fun, we put a futon in our bedroom–it’s an “unofficial” place for the kids to sleep when they want to be close to us. It’s also a great place for a sick little one to rest so that we’re not completely disrupted (and I can make it to work the next day without sleeping next to a sick kid) while also keeping the little one nearby.
I used to have all sorts of ideas on the rules about what could happen in my bedroom. My own parent’s bedroom was the “no man’s land” of the house. They went in. No one else did. We stood at the doorway and talked to them if they were in there.
I wanted my bedroom to be “sacred” like that with my kids. What I found, however, was a different form of sacred relationship–one that included them coming into the room, waking us up on Christmas mornings, snuggling with us until we’re all too sleepy to move them upstairs.
Essentially, all your ideas get changed when you look into the eyes of your child, who adores every moment of time spent with you and wants to be who you are when they grow up.

January 14th, 2006

Christine 2 the Mercenary asserted

wow…that was so sweet that i want kids now

January 14th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin scribbled

We were married at 20. By 26 I was still not wanting to have any children–but my wife was getting desperate. It was not until my first born was 3 months old that the realization of how much I loved her struck me. Since that moment, my perspectives have completely changed.
I cannot express to you how much I love my children. They are, truly, what I live for. Our kids are spaced between 2 and 3 years apart, so every 2 - 3 years I get another love gift!
Yes, I’ve had to make certain sacrifices in my life–but that makes their inclusion all the sweeter. They have been well worth the “investment.”

January 15th, 2006