Despite what you might have assumed from the title, I’m actually writing this post to help our male readers out. If you want to be attractive to women, there are a few pitfalls you need to avoid– no exceptions. And from what I’ve noticed recently at the gym and at the beach, apparently some guys still aren’t aware… so if any of the things on my list hit home just a little… put some effort into fixing them and I guarantee it will improve your chances with the girls.
1. Body Odor.
It doesn’t matter if you’re on a basketball court, sitting at your desk, or relaxing on the subway… there is no excuse for body odor. None. Never. You’ve heard that slogan “Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?” Well that should tell you that for whatever reason… male body odor has the tendency to be really pungent and guys typically sweat more than women anyway. Don’t delude yourself. No woman likes the way you smell when you sweat (unless you’re in the throes of passion and that salty, sweaty, sex smell covers the both of you). The only way– and yes I said only way– to eliminate body odor is to shower every single day and wear deoderant. Don’t think for a moment you can cover that shit up with extra cologne. Oh God. Seriously… oh god. And you can’t slap on deoderant after you’ve played 18 holes of golf in the July sun after a noon tee time. Apply deoderant 10 minutes after you get out of the shower when your skin is completely dry and has cooled, and re-apply throughout the day if necessary.
I hate to burst the bubble, but balding is not attractive. Whethere it’s that little, but growing circle on the crown of your head, or that hairline that seems to work it’s way over the horizon of your forehead a little more each day, it’s just not sexy. But thanks to Vin Diesel and a whole host of sexy black men, a shaved head is not only en vogue, but it can also be a turn on. Trying to salvage what little hair you have left screams of insecurity to women and we prefer guys who can just accept how they look. If the hair is on the way out, shave it off and slap on some sunscreen. You’ll be much more attractive.
3. Back hair.
You can’t hide your gorilla back by putting a shirt on. We can see it poking out of the collar even if you can’t. Back hair is a big turn off. Luckily, there are lots of ways to fix that problem– and each one is worth every penny. Waxing, electrolysis, and laser hair removal all work well and are relatively painless.
I know it seems girly to pluck or wax your eyebrows, but notice I used the word “eyebrows”– plural. If you start to count your eyebrows and realize there’s only one– or three (a mini-brow in between two normal brows), you need to buy a pair of tweezers, lock yourself in your bathroom, and fix that problem. You don’t need the perfect arch, but you need to pare it down to only two brows. I’ve personally seen otherwise attractive men ruin their hotness rating because they looked in the mirror and didn’t notice that they had the wrong number of eyebrows gracing their foreheads.
5. Finger nails.
Short, short, short. Long nails are for women. There is no need to have nails that extend past your fingertip if you are a man. None. When we look at a guy’s hands, we can’t help but have a few dirty little thoughts about his fingers and what he could do with them… long nails make you look like Nosferatu and kill the fantasy.
On your face, on your shoulder, back, or anywhere else… it’s not good. I’m not talking about the occasional zit here and there. I’m talking about a full-blown acne problem. There are so many great acne-fighting products on the market, and most spas offer facials for men now, so there’s no excuse. And of course, you can always see a dermatologist for a Retin-A prescription.
AKA… bad breath. We know you can’t smell it… but we can. So before you want to get intimate, or even have a conversation in close proximity, pop a breath mint or swish with a bottle of Scope. It’s easy to keep a mini travel bottle in your car and you can just spit on the sidwalk after you get out. And good dental hygiene plays a big part in preventing bad breath as well.
8. Too much cologne.
Even if your intention isn’t to cover up B.O., too much cologne is a real turn off. The scent of guys’ colognes are really sexy (for the most part– Aqua Velva not included), but they should be light enough that we barely catch a whiff as you walk past, and it will make us want to get closer to you… not further away from you. Err on the side of caution. There’s nothing worse than siting across from a guy who is probably really hot, but your eyes are burning so bad, you can’t tell.
9. Scratching your balls.
They might itch. I mean, at some point, every body part itches, doesn’t it? But I can tell you right now that if they do, do your best to will them not to with your telekinetic mind, but do not scratch your balls in front of any woman you want to impress. The chance of recovering after this is pretty low. Our first thoughts when we see that… is to stay far, far away from anything that could pass on one of those diseases that you can treat the outbreaks for… but never cure. It might be just sweat, or a cup moved slightly askew, or jeans that don’t have enough room in the crotch. But we don’t care.
10. Picking your nose.
Some men apparently are still under the assumption that if you aren’t shoving your index finger straight up your nostril, it’s not nose-picking. But those “fake picks” like pretending to scratch your nose with your thumb until it works its way up far enough to cause some crusty little boogar to drop onto your shirt is just as bad. And by the way… just because you’re sitting in the driver’s seat of your car, doesn’t mean you’re invisible. You are surrounded by windows… you know… those clear things that you can see through? So don’t expect to pull up next to us and hope we look over at you if we’ve just witnessed an expidition up the nose in the rearview mirror for the last ten minutes. We will be doing everything possible to avoid looking at you so we can keep our lunches down.
Follow those ten little rules and I promise you’ll get more female attention– and get laid much more often– than if you don’t.