Christine the Lioness (3118)
Christopher the Pyro (1985)
ProphetJoe the Irreverent (1216)
Trouble the Pirate (592)
Keith the Director (573)
Mara the Peacemaker (527)
eric the Lil' Devil (351)
AJ the Zen Master (305)
Ben the Kingpin (213)
Haas the Addict (187)
Christine 2 the Mercenary (131) Lei the Mercenary (124) Katie the Mercenary (115)
Ben2 the Soldier (56)
Michelle the Virgin hunt n' pecked this
That’s halirious stuff! I’ll be sure to remember these useful (yet also mean) tips!
Christopher the Pyro penned this
It’s important for women to know that all the things mentioned above besides being very annoying and “mean” make it perfectly acceptable for your boyfriend to clean out your shoe collection to make room for his playboy collection, forget to pick you up from work when your car is broken down, leave the toilet seat up for the rest of your life and many other mean things.
Really girls I wouldn’t take Christine’s advice she tends to “enjoy” being punished in a variety of ways so she comes up with creative ways to agitate the men in her life to the point where they just break. (Note she is directly responsible for the incarceration of 2 of her ex?s and one was committed to an asylum Also to the men, I talked with the police this afternoon and they assured me that if your wife, girlfriend or sister behaves in any of the ways mentioned above, the courts will see you tying her up in the basement and forgetting about her for a day or so as self defense of your sanity, and while you may have to serve a little community service time, you probably will not go to jail.
Theodore Craig the Virgin remarked
That would not annoy me.
If I had a wife, I would like to believe that she would be more important to me than any TV show. And that doing things with her, which we both could enjoy would be more important also, because that’s just how I am…
Now, a cheating wife, that would annoy me!
Manjusha the Virgin got all philosophical
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Thanks! This should help.
birdwoman the Virgin said this
When John went to the bathroom during the superbowl, I changed the station to Barney and took the dog to another room.
Christine the Lioness got all philosophical
Bird chick… for a month now, I’ve been trying to figure out what the point of your comment was… and while I like the bird head (very clever), I have no idea what you’re talking about and why you would feel the need to remove the dog from the impending situation… so I am officially giving up.
writinguy the Virgin uttered
I am taking it to me so that when he gets mad, there is no way that in his fit of rage, he can take it out on the dog.
Dawn the Virgin stated
I just found your site and I love it! I will be back for more 
Christine the Lioness commented
Thanks, Dawn. I look forward to hearing you chime in on the female point of view.
birdwoman the Virgin asserted
Dog is man’s best friend. I removed his best friend and left him to watch the game alone. Watching a game alone is no fun for most guys.
I also removed the game, putting Barney on. (big, annoying, cloyingly sweet purple dinosaur that sings wretched songs, for those who don’t know. It’s a kid’s show.)
>
Rich the Virgin spake, and sayeth
Oh… I love it… I’ll be back!
jocie the Virgin said this
I suppose these could work while a guy is watching basketball as well…football isn’t that too popular in our country.
Christine the Lioness hunt n' pecked this
Yes, Jocie. These could definitely work with many other kinds of sports… basketball, soccer, baseball, hockey… even Nascar (which isn’t a real sport). You should try it…
Pi. the Virgin penned this
Funny, but I’m the one in my household who doesn’t watch the glimmering box of tricks in the corner. However, since she doesn’t watch football, I shall have to come up with different questions to ruin her daily (and incessant) soap operas and talk shows …
christie the Virgin pontificated
lmao!
BeckEye the Virgin hunt n' pecked this
I know not what you speak of. I was born and raised in Black and Gold Country. We’re not men and women. We’re Steeler Fans.
Christopher the Pyro hunt n' pecked this
BeckEye
I completely understand but with Christine being from Nebraska she doesn’t understand what it is like to be a pro football fan.. but I do have to give her props she does love her Nebraska football.
Shellie the Virgin uttered
ROFL! I guess it’s a good thing I’m more into football than my hubby is.
Christine the Lioness remarked
Actually, I just love 230 pounds of solid, ripped, 21-year-old muscle, drenched in sweat, being thrown to the ground countless times, and getting back up for more. What can I say? Football is a beautiful thing…
Just kidding.
And yes, I was raised on Nebraska football, only to wind up with an alma mater that will be three time national champs by the end of this season… so what exactly is a pro team? Never heard of that… 
Christopher Trottier the Virgin uttered
I’m glad I’m amongst women who love sports.
orikinla Osinachi the Virgin got all philosophical
I advise to enjoy the game with him. Just sit between his legs.
Ranting Tommy the Virgin penned this
My wife is very supportive of my football habit. I don’t get into other sports or baseball (not a sport).
I wouldn’t have married her if she was the type that would do that kind of childish shit.
Christine the Lioness penned this
Tommy, I’m glad your wife doesn’t “do that kind of childish shit.” I can see why you married her. I’m wondering why she married you… probably not for your sense of humor since you still haven’t figured out that the post you were commenting on was a complete joke.
Christopher the Pyro pontificated
Ranting..
I understand what your saying.. it is important to have your check list of things a wife has.. Christine only does this shit to me because she likes being punished… (if you see rule #1 on my when it’s ok to hit a woman..)
Oliviah the Virgin scribbled
Tough night, worrying about my sister in New Orleans whether she has even survived. I sure needed the laughs, yes, laughs, PLURAL that your post gave. Oh thank you so much.
Lisa the Virgin chimed in with
The who has the ball thing…guilty
Christine the Lioness stated
Oliviah… hope evrything is all good with your sister. Glad we made you laugh… or at least question whether you should ever get into another relationship with a guy and risk a mental breakdown…
internet casino the Virgin mentioned
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Azu the Virgin commented
I remember a horrible news report about a man who killed his wife because she wanted to cuddle after intercourse. Apparently, he thought that was too much to ask for because he was in the middle of watching a football game. I’m so glad my husband doesn’t watch sports.
Christopher the Pyro asserted
Are you kidding me.. that girl got what was comming to her.
Christine the Lioness pontificated
Why in the world would they be having sex while a football game was on???
I imagine it went like this:
Wife: Honey, let’s have sex.
Husband: Not now… the game is on.
Wife: But you’ve been watching football for 9 hours straight and haven’t bothered to shower today.
Husband: Fine! You’re always complaining!
(5 minute fuck)
Wife: Ahh, snookums… that was great. Will you hold me?
Husband: Dammit, Woman! I told you I’m trying to watch the game! You already made me miss the last two downs!
Wife: Why can’t you hold me and watch the game at the same time?
Husband: Because we just fumbled the fucking ball! Ahhhhhh!
(he grabs a gun, shoots her like 5 times)
I’m guessing he was a Raiders fan… LOL!
Ben the Kingpin said this
I like to make silly comments to my friends when they’re enjoying the bread and circuses that keep them in their neanderthalic states of being fat, dumb and antisocial (i.e. watching sports).
I will ask them things like:
“So, when the umpire throws his yellow handkerchief down, that means a “do-over”?” (while watching football)
“Hey, I thought hey were supposed to kibble the ball when they ran, or they get in trouble?” (watching football)
“Now, why is that they give them all a stick and then tell them they can’t hit each other? What kind of dumb rule is that?!” (Hokey … er … “Hockey” )
“Hey, the guy with the bat shouldn’t be afraid of the guys with the ball. Why not carry it with him and knock anyone out of his way with it? This stuff is silly.” (Baseball)
“You know, smart men, who wanted to put a ball into a hole would simply walk over to it and drop it in there. These rules of using clubs to knock it closer and closer sound more like the little rules that women invent for men to do when a simpler solution is available…” (Golf)
“Y’know, this would be much more interesting if they were wearing spiked body armor, equipped with pistols and only allowed to play for cities where they were actually born (or the region immediately surrounding it.” (Just about any sport–but football is the most common.)
Enjoy your bread and circuses, neanderthals, while you watch you world collapse and degrade.
crys the Virgin quibbed this
wow. this blog is genious
Christine the Lioness added
Thank you, Crys… your check’s in the mail, darlin’.
Christopher the Pyro penned this
Thank ya Crys
Christine the Lioness thought this
Ben… maybe I’m stating the obvious, but isn’t it more fun to watch football than to watch the world collapse and degrade? Maybe it’s just me… but collapsing and degrading worlds can be kind of draining after a long week. And you can call me “neanderthina.”
Keith the Director spake, and sayeth
bro this blog was priceless…i don’t even know where to begin…so I’ll justleave it at that! lol However Have you noticed that A male will never interupt his girl when they are watching some mushy made for tv shit on the we channel, and yet it’s hard pressed to find any man who has not been interuptted multiplee times when they are trying to watch soemthing that is only on once a week in footballs case, or for other sports like hockey some that lasts only 2 hours. Nothing short of her dying or the house burning can be more important that can’t wait 2 hours!
eric the Lil' Devil chimed in with
you know i was leafing through this topic and a gentleman mentioned that his wife was very supportive of a certain habit ,…. well, no fucking shit she’s supportive like a xxxl small jock strap because your fucking balls are in her purse, thank you and come againl-)
eric the Lil' Devil quibbed this
you know all this talk of how 2 piss off a guy? yeah blow me! here’s a few ways i have used to piss off a girlfriend so i can cheat on her while at the same party…chris can verify! the lake house! ok #1..rodeo fuck earlier in the day.. definition? bang her doggie and bend foreward and whisper that her sister was better! then try to keep insertion for 8 seconds, talk about having multiple partners while she is beside you to a stripper!, this 1 got me a capt.& coke in the eyes, cheat on her at the party hit a few holes no rubber then guilt her into oral to atone for the drink in the face. fellas try these out and let me know
Christine the Lioness hunt n' pecked this
Eric… I think you have officially moved from the entertaining, ha-ha poking fun at gender differences to irresponsible (”cheat on her at the party hit a few holes no rubber then guilt her into oral” ) and disturbing. If cheating on your girlfriend at a party is really that enticing, maybe you should consider not having a girlfriend. For the rest of you guys who do have girlfriends/wives, and love ‘em despite the fact that us girls are wired by nature to get under your skin at times (particularly when you’re trying to watch football), hope the post made you laugh.
Christopher the Pyro spake, and sayeth
Ahh you see your missing the point Christine.. he enjoys watching the look of angish on the woman’s face… that is the real exciting part.. for me Christine usually only gets through 1 or 2 before I either kick the shit out of her, or lock her in her “special place”) anyway.. I don’t know Christine.. I find Eric’s thoughts.. deep and provoking.
Keith the Director stated
yeah christine you really need to understand eric to judge his comments…like chris said the anguish on a womans face is as exciting as the last sec. field goal for eric. I persoanlly enjoy it to b/c I know it can be done…
Christine the Lioness added
So you like to cause the girl you’re with anguish because you enjoy it… hrmmm… I hope if I ever did that intentionally to my boyfriend, he’d kick my ass… ’cause that’s pretty shitty. Maybe someday you’ll all find girls that you hate to see in anguish. Maybe you’ll find some girl who’s your best friend and confidant and everything in you will want her to be happy. And all this let’s-cheat-on-someone-and-fuck-her-friends bullshit that sounds like something you might do if you were 17 and were lucky enough to get invited to your big brother’s frat party will be exactly that. Bullshit. Until then, I feel sorry for all the girls who will wind up hating men because of the “anguish” they were lucky enough to experience because they got to know you.
Keith the Director penned this
Speaking from experience, i had a girl once that i cared deeply about and she stabbed me in the fucking back when she got home…I’m not airing my laundry on here, b/c honestly know ones knows about it not even chris, and I’m not going into detail about here since no one is privy to knowing either of us! I actually did give a shit if this girl was happy and all that shit you speak of and it was all for not…. woman are just a vindictive, self rightous, assholeish as men you speak of. I treated her great only to get fucked in the end. Then here I am 8 yrs later thinking all this shit about what I hear from women about what woman want, and put it to use and the same fucking thing happens to me. Ya know what? Men can’t possibly try to figure out how to please a woman and give her what she wants because “WOMEN DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT THEY WANT!” I meet a great girl treat her like gold. I go away on a “FAMILY” vacation for 1 week I come home we see each other 4x, and on the next day at a party at her house she says she left my house the night before having thoughts of her ex and she thinks she rushed into things, and then ends it never to speak to me again. Now I see her out and she doesn’t even acknowlege me. You talk about anguish and confusion of womens faces to what we’ve done. Try one from the male side. Men aren’t the only assholes on this planet, b/c the last time I checked women do the same thing to men as we coexist.
Christine the Lioness penned this
I never said that women can’t be complete bitches. Trust me… I’ve heard the stories from girls I’ve known about what they’ve done to completey destroy guys. Sometimes they did it intentionally (believe me… I let them know what cunts they were for that shit) and sometimes they truly didn’t know what they wanted and ended up hurting a guy in the process. I mean… I woke up one Sunday morning to have my ex-fiance say out of the blue “I don’t think I want to get married.” After 3 1/2 years together, and him begging me to move in with him (after I told him I didn’t want to live with him until we were engaged), I sold off all my furniture and shit, moved in, and six months later he tells me he’s changed his mind. Believe me… I didn’t go on a single date for more than a year after that. So we’ve all had shit happen, and it’s fucked up no matter what angle it comes from. I know I have issues– hell, I think we all do– but I really want to believe there’s some great guy out there who will fall in love with me, and want me to be his best friend and his wife, and can’t imagine his life without me in it. When I hear you guys saying that kind of shit about getting some sort of joy from hurting a chick, it makes me feel like maybe that guy doesn’t exist and I’m just waiting for something that will never materialize. So I guess when I hear that, I sort of apply it to my own life and it makes me angry that anyone would do shit to hurt another person on purpose. It’s really hard to trust anybody again after you’ve been hurt or cheated on or lied to. And things that went down with my ex certainly have affected Christopher when we were going out… and he had to deal with shit that wasn’t from him at all… and in some ways I feel he punished me for things his ex-wife did… so the moral I guess is that when you fuck someone up just to fuck them up, you’re doing a lot more damage to a lot more people than you probably realize.
Keith the Director mentioned
Yeah I know, it does seem it’s always soemone elses job to fix up the mess someone else left when starting a new relationship! The worst part of that is sometimes that relationship ends before you can really even get it going b/c it took too long to correct what the last person tore down or fucked up in the first place! It’s a vicious cycle I’ll probably never understand…well come to grips with, since it seems i do understand it somewhat to be able to type it.
Madeline the Virgin uttered
ohmigaw , my boyfriend Nathan LOVES football , and makes me watch it with him constantly. I actually think he may believe it makes us … bond? i will definatly put these tips to use in with the pending football season quickly arriving! 
Christine the Lioness spake, and sayeth
Glad to be of service, Madeline.
eric the Lil' Devil up'n wrote this
you know you really are a bad influence sweetheart:-w
Christopher the Pyro scribbled
Madeline,
You should know that this type of behavior does qualify you for an ass beating.
eric the Lil' Devil remarked
i do believe that you should send her the link for “when it is morally acceptable to beat a woman”, bro!
Basketball - Uttaruk.com » 10 Ways to Piss a Guy Off When He’s Watching Football | Battle of the Sexes - Chris vs Chris the Virgin commented
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leave the poor boy alone. the Virgin said this
honestly, he does so many things for you, leave the poor boy alone for an hour or so, whats the big deal????? how would you like it if he came and told you about the massive poo he just had, while you are watching Opra?????????? and then acted out the facial expressions. and yes, we do do that……….
Christopher the Pyro up'n wrote this
lol
Christine the Lioness penned this
Mr. Australia… btw the way, blogs don’t do justice to that supa-hot Australian accent you all have down there, but that’s beside the point. First, let me point out… Christopher is far from a “poor boy.” He has somehow manipulated me into cooking for him, helping him do his laundry, letting him poke me in the bum whenever he feels like it, and watching hours upon hours of SportsCentury and Modern Marvels (and don’t forget MythBusters) because that’s what he finds entertaining. So let’s not get this twisted.
Also… football (American style) doesn’t last for one hour. It lasts for about 3 1/2 hours per game, and there is never just one game except on Superbowl Sunday.
He’s never told me about massive poos, but he has given me the play by play of some rubbery thing that got embedded in his chest and he had to squeeze out until it fell out on the table and bounced. I wasn’t watching Oprah at the time, but I was just as mortified by the story anyway.
So contrary to your request, my sexy-accented darling… I simply can’t leave the poor boy alone.
Mara the Peacemaker scribbled
Modern Marvels is a really great show.
Trouble the Pirate hunt n' pecked this
Hmmmm… Didn’t that ‘147 things’ chick like to get poked in the bum too? …coincidence?
Christopher the Pyro got all philosophical
lol I didn’t even realize.. Christine was posting on singles site… CRAZY.
Christine the Lioness stated
Apparently with 147 things on her list, she found a few that guys seem to like… BTW… if I made up a single’s post, it would blow that chick’s post away. But I don’t need to worry about that, right, babe???
(I never really know if I’m going to be single when I get home from Canada… Christopher has a habit of waiting for me to get back after missing him for two weeks and then dropping the bomb that he’d been thinking while I was gone and decided we should see other people. Since then, I’ve always been a little apprehensive when I get home about that first conversation with him– I never know if I’m about to be dumped. If so, you may get to see my single’s post afterall. )
Christopher the Pyro said this
I did that one time.. and only after she ran a gang bang with the studio staff… or at least threaten to… same difference in my mind… however she is much nicer these days…
Trouble the Pirate said this
“I never know if I’m about to be dumped. If so, you may get to see my single’s post afterall.”
I would prefer you email me directly in the event of such a ‘tragedy’ Christine… Rather than finding your desperate personal ad on one of the many sleazy sites I subscribe to… 
Christine the Lioness remarked
LOL. I’ll keep that in mind, Trouble, but I’m still hoping to avoid that tragedy altogether.
Don the Virgin said this
My god. It gets worse….you write about “Why Men Think Women Are Crazy”….then you write some stupid shit about 10 ways to piss a guy off when he’s watching football. Well, look at the thinking in this article and your 10 ways, and now tell me how anything about that is not crazy.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent quibbed this
Don, Don, Don, Don, Don.
You’re not really getting into the spirit of this site are you? Oh, wait, I know the problem!!! I bet you’re sober!! Am I right?? Am I?
Cheers, Don! 
Trouble the Pirate mentioned
In the other post I gently alluded to the fact that Don is a homosexual, and I see now that I was very wrong to do so… Therefore I would like to take this opportunity to apologize… …to homosexuals…
ProphetJoe the Irreverent penned this
Z-I-N-G!!
Ouch…
Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this
Wow. You guys do a damn good job coming to my defense… I’m not even sure my witty comebacks wouldn’t be overshadowed by your slightly more witty comebacks.
So I will take the serious road here. Don, yes it does get worse. And I will never tell you that the thinking in my 10 ways is not crazy.
But I will tell you that when the bug that has been living up your ass finally wedges his way out of whatever capellini-like turd manages to emerge from your highly constricted anus and plops into your toilet where you flush him to his final resting place… you may want to re-read the posts again and at that point, they may elicit a chuckle. Or maybe not.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent chimed in with
Crap. Now I have to go look up “capellini” — hang on…
Oh, it’s pasta!! (which is what I was guessing anyway)
Man, I hate it when you California-type, big-time, non-union, TV writers use big or foreign sounding words… couldn’t you have just said “noodle”?
Christine the Lioness asserted
I wanted to bring attention to the fact that it was a very thin noodle.
ProphetJoe the Irreverent chimed in with
very thin noodle
Now yer talking like a Cornhusker!
Christine the Lioness remarked
LOL!
ahmad the Virgin chimed in with
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