Most of our regular readers have heard bits and parts of the story where Christine stabbed me in the shoulder with a steak knife. Originally I decided that I wouldn’t tell this story.. (she is embarrassed that she has a violent side… I on the other hand fully embrace mine), but I’ve come to realize that I need to tell this story just incase I come to an untimely demise.. I want everybody here to know who is responsible.
“Cunt’. That is little word was what pushed Christine over the edge.. We were hanging out in her kitchen and she was cooking dinner (as she should) and I was ranting about someone.. Probably that loony girl down in Texas being a media whore.. but anyway, I said something along these lines.. .”What a fucking cunt bitch”. Christine spins, knife in hand and impales my shoulder… at first she couldn’t believe she did it.. Covering her mouth…. My first response… “I wasn’t calling you a cunt”.. Her response.. “I hate that word.. Don’t use it in my house”… Me… “Jesus, you fucking stabbed me, you crazy fucking phyco”… As blood started to soak into my sweater and form a red patch Christine seemed to have blocked out the very fact that she had just stabbed me in the shoulder and turned around and went back to cooking dinner. I went off to the bathroom to assess the damage… I was in luck she didn’t hit anything vital but the wound would continue to bleed for the next few hours. Now I already know.. Christine is going to say.. “I hardly broke the skin..” Let me just set the facts straight.. Her steak knife went into my shoulder about 1.5″ inches.. It wasn’t “barely breaking the skin” it was a full blown impaling. After the stabbing that evening I left.. Went home to contemplate just how insane Christine really is.. and if my behavior might have warranted a stabbing…. (of course I decided she was crazy three ways from Sunday, and my behavior couldn’t possibly be the cause of her actions).
Now I know Christine has a wonderfully guilty conscience so I knew I didn’t even need to mention the whole stabbing thing much.. That she would beat herself up over it enough.. (like the time she smashed my car windows) So I let it go and didn’t bring it up again until I discovered she swapped her rotten eggs (yes the ones she claims she threw away) with the fresh ones I had just purchased, she did this one day while I was working as a practical joke, causing me food poisoning for three days…. She had flat out decided that bringing me physical pain and sickness brings her pleasure. This was only confirmed when she attempted to drown me over the weekend.. I was napping next to the pool and she tied a cement block to my ankle and pushed me in!
Now normally I would recommend getting as far away from a woman with these types of issues.. But I think she would track me down.. And god only knows what she might do then… so instead of running away I took a different approach. Starving. Now let me explain.. Christine has blood sugar issues, if it drops she can’t function, she stops talking, she stops hitting me, she pretty much becomes a chill chill girl.. (until I feed her).. Now obviously I can’t keep her from eating all the time but I can do little things.. Like not stopping for food when we are driving some place, delaying dinner as long as possible.. Putting padlocks on my food pantry. This has two benefits.. She is too weak to inflict any type of damage.. Even when wielding sharp objects, and she is quiet so I can actually hear myself things for two seconds. Now.. Before you all starting thinking I’m cruel.. This is purely an act of survival.. I let her eat on Saturday and she promptly attempted to try out her new kick boxing routine on me while I was napping.. I can also occasionally bribe sexual favors out of her for food now.. so it really is a great situation for me.
What is the moral of this story.. Starving.. Guys.. Starving. That is just one of few ways you might be able to survive when dealing with a girl who is living happily in her own little world.