Monthly Archives: October 2005

I’m rarely at a loss for words… as Christopher can attest to, when I’m happy (and not hungry) I’m a chatty Cathy doll, and when I’m pissed, the words fly out like miniature daggers from a lawn sprinkler… but right now, nothing seems to be coming.

When Christopher told me last month that he didn’t want to see me anymore, I was pretty hurt. I felt a lot of things… betrayal, regret, sadness, anger, and even some hope that he might change his mind. Not wanting to be severed from each others’ lives, he wanted to be friends and I agreed, somewhat resenting it. Since then, he’s tried to be my friend… he’s put up with me accusing him of never caring about me, of my crying, my asking him to explain the whole thing over and over… and much, much more.

I find myself hanging on to things that were special memories of us, of reliving the fights, of wavering from trying to figure out where whe went wrong to knowing in my gut we just weren’t meant to be. It’s been one hell of a ride that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

In the last month, I’ve shut my office door to cry at work, dropped two sizes, and having dreams that we were walking around aimlessly with puzzle pieces in our hands and when we found each other, we were ecstatic that our’s fit.

Chris vs. Chris was sort of Christopher’s gift to me… when we first started dating… Continue reading →