Starving the Homeless in Vegas

So by now, you’ve probably heard about this ridiculous law in Las Vegas passed by the city council that makes it illegal (yes, $1,000 fine and up to 6 months in jail) for feeding homeless people in the park. The whole thing started when homeowners and residents around the park complained that they can’t even use the park facilities because of the large number of homeless people that congregate and sleep there. Exacerbating the problem (apparently) are mobile soup kitchens that come by the park to feed the homeless people. The residents felt that by bringing food to the homeless population at the park, it discourages them from going to a shelter to receive food and encourages them to stay at the park.

Now… all this makes sense to me. My sister used to work in West Hollywood and on the block where her company was, a mobile needle cart would come by and distribute clean needles to the heroin addicts. She said she pretty much had to step over junkees every time she wanted to walk to her car. And the businesses in the area didn’t appreciate it. I don’t blame them. Of course, these people who aren’t particularly mobile, or have anything better to do, are going to hang around and wait for their free food and free needles. And on some level, I understand that distributing free needles and food does help to minimize the spread of HIV and in some ways “contain” the problem of homeless drug use.

And I also believe that we have a responsibility to help our own people as much as we can. But I don’t think that encouraging them to 1. continue to use drugs, and 2. break the law (drug use is still illegal here), is really helping anyone. And I certainly don’t think that imposing this problem on local residents and businesses who have a vested interest in keeping their neighborhoods clean and safe is the right way to go about this. Aaahhh, you say, but homelessness and the drug epidemic is everyone’s problem. And I don’t disagree… to an extent.

Homelessness, at times, cannot be helped. Most Americans are two paychecks away from being homeless, and with 70%+ of US citizens having an average credit debt of almost $10,000, I’m guessing that one major setback (like a house fire, your company folding, your health going bad, or losing your health insurance before being diagnosed with a major illness) could probably do it. But there are programs in place to help these people. There are shelters, and job assistance programs, and relocation programs. All funded by our tax dollars and all free. I’ve never been in the situation myself, so I know I can’t speak from experience, but from my understanding, there are agencies that coordinate all of these different charities and if you are homeless and want help to get out of your situation, there is help available. So that’s one thing.

Drugs… now that’s something else. No one forces anyone to become a drug addict. No experience out of someone’s control had a hand in creating that situation. There is one fact that applies to every single drug addict. At one time, they CHOSE to take drugs. So I’m a little less sympathetic. Yeah, I’m sure being a meth addict sucks… but no one made you that way excpet yourself. And if you’re going to engage in that behavior, and share dirty needles, you’re making a choice there as well. And the consequences of that choice are that you are risking getting AIDS. There are rehab centers available at no cost as well. And entering one, and then staying off drugs, is also a choice where as coming up with a couple grand every month to pay your rent, and deposits on all your utilities, and finding someone who will rent to you without steady income and credit, is obviously a little more difficult. For a homeless person to suddenly say “I now want a home” isn’t as easy to accomplish as it is for a junkee to suddenly say, “I want to quit drugs.” And unfortunately, one tends to lead to the other and vice versa, compounding the problem.

But constitutionally, should it be a LAW that we can’t give food to other people??? Although I understand why it’s creating problems, the concept has a ring of Nazism to it. Do we really want the government telling us who we can and can’t give food to? Instead of creating new laws to punish people, why not just enforce the old laws on the people who are actually committing crimes. Isn’t loitering a crime? Isn’t drug use a crime? Why doesn’t the LVPD just arrest the people who are loitering and using drugs instead of the people who might give someone food? Seems to me it’s easier to enforce these anti-food laws than it is to deal with the homeless problem… of course it is… give a law-abiding citizen a ticket for providing food and they’ll stop to avoid the ticket/fine/jail time. Round up a homeless person and take them out of the park, they’ll go back the next day because they have nowhere else to go.

I believe by letting the government create these types of laws, we are (as we often do in this country when we might actually have to put thought into solving a tough problem) giving the government more power than it should have, and limiting our own freedoms and choices. My feeling is that this law won’t make it past the state supreme court. But we’ll see…

How to be a Good Blow Job Recipient

So I was chatting with one of my guy friends the other night and he started talking about this girl he’s dating and he told me he was kind of frustrated with the sex and I asked him why and he said that she doesn’t give blow jobs. Honestly, I was a little stunned. It’s the 21st century… who doesn’t give blow jobs??? Now I can understand not having oral sex when having casual sex…because quite frankly, if you’re going to use a condom or a dental dam then what’s the point? But in a committed, monogamous relationship, why wouldn’t you (unless you have some sexual hang up)?

Let me preface this post about how important oral sex is… with the revelation that I actually did date a guy who did not want to perform oral sex, nor did he want to receive it. Needless to say… that whole situation didn’t really work out for me.

I don’t really know if this is common or not (most women I know give head and talk freely about it after a margarita or two), but in case it is… and in case you’re a guy who’s into a girl who won’t, but would really like it if she would, then let me break this down for you…

First of all, you have to figure out the reason she doesn’t want to do this. It could be that she’s never done it before (if that’s the case, you’re in luck… once she tries it, she may really dig it). It could be that she had a bad experience (which is why, boys, I must emphasize that it’s really important that you don’t grab a girl’s head and shove it deeper into her throat when she isn’t expecting it… you will be contributing the suffering of mankind when she refuses to give a hummer to the next guy because you choked her — this sort of sucks for you– and not in a good way– because she may never be willing to try it again). OR… let’s face it, guys… it might be you personally.

The truth is… there are things girls will do with some guys (or try with some guys) and not other guys for a myriad of reasons… well, not really… for only a few reasons… and usually they are these two: 1. he makes her come harder, longer, and more often, so she’s more willing to put in the effort for him, and 2. he is more sensual… makes her feel more sexy… is a good coach without turning it into a lesson… so she trusts he’ll go at the right pace and trusts he’ll make it good for her too and basically be willing to do whatever he wants. But there are some things you might be doing (or might not be doing) that could improve your chances of convincing your girl to give you a b.j. and here they are…

1. Take a shower right before sex. It’s impossible to give a guy head when he smells like sweaty balls. She’ll enjoy it more and be more likely to go longer as well. (Don’t ever try to cover body odor with cologne!)

2. Shave if you are super hairy. If you look down and can’t see your balls through the forest, grab the scissors and get to work.

3. Find a comfortable position for her. I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but in my opinion, the best position is with the girl between your legs either on her knees if you’re sitting, or lying on her stomach near the foot of the bed if you’re lying on your back. It’s more difficult and less comfortable from the side or in 69, so pick a position where she can move her head and both hands freely without compensating for a strange angle.

4. Let her know if she’s doing what you like. She can’t feel what you’re feeling… and Lord knows we can’t read your minds. If she’s found a rhythm or depth or stroke that’s getting you there, communicate that by making the right noises if you don’t feel comfortable verbally letting her know. I’m a big advocate of just saying to the other person, “Oh yeah, baby… don’t stop” or “Slow down” or whatever. Remember, she’s doing this for you– not for her– so don’t just lie there and let her think she’s doing what you like when you’re really not getting closer to coming.

5. Don’t shove her head down at any point without letting her know you’re going to start controlling the movement. We don’t mind you doing it, we just don’t like the surprise. Let her know by putting your hand on the back of her head with a little pressure before you decide to push. She’ll feel your hand there and be ready for deeper thrusts.

6. Don’t try to make it last forever. Holding off on coming quick is reserved for vaginal sex only… and maybe anal if she doesn’t come right away from it. But if she’s giving you oral sex, or you’re titty-fucking, the sooner you come the better because she’s not going to orgasm from the experience. Get in the zone, relax, and let yourself come as soon as you can.

6. Don’t cum in her mouth without warning. Seriously… speak the fuck up. Say “I’m about to cum” a few seconds before so she can be ready to swallow.

7. Return the favor. In my opinion, nothing makes a girl come quite as hard and as many times as oral sex. Besides, once she’s orgasmed once from oral, it’s much easier to orgasm again during intercourse.

Good sex is a big part of a relationship. If your girl isn’t giving you head, let her know that you’d really like her to try it without being an ass about it. Don’t threaten to get it elsewhere, don’t make her feel inadequate, don’t lie and say it isn’t important to you if it really is. None of those things will ultimately get you to the place you want to be– leaning back on the sofa with your girl’s head in your lap. Suggest she talk to some of her friends about it because women really do give other women good advice on technique, and if she can get to the point where she’s comfortable talking about it, she can get to the point where she’s comfortable doing it.

And maybe if you’re lucky… she’ll end up liking it. A lot. Because what’s sexier than glancing up at your boy when you’ve got his dick deep in your mouth and seeing him watch you with that look on his face… yeah… you know what look I’m talking about. ;-)

The Sperm Sample

So… after only 2 hours of sleep and waking up at 4 AM to make a 7AM flight back to the good ole US of A… I get in a cab at 5AM and my very perky Irish cab driver (only in Canada, huh?) has apparently been awake and chipper for hours and can’t wait to spend the entire half hour drive to the airport telling me dirty jokes. A few were pretty funny… and I thought I’d pass this particular one on since I’d never heard it before and it made me laugh out loud. Here it goes…

An eighty-year old guy goes to the doctor and the doctor hands him a little plastic cup with the lid on it. He tells the old man to go home, jack off in the cup, and bring it back the next day. So the guy goes home and when he comes back the next day, the cup is empty.

“What happened?” asked the doctor. “You don’t need to fill it, but we need you to put at least a little in there.”

“I tried,” says the old man shaking his head, defeated. “I tried with my left hand and couldn’t. I tried with my right hand and couldn’t. I tried with both hands and couldn’t. My wife tried with her left hand and couldn’t. She couldn’t with her right hand either. Finally we called the neighbor who tried with both hands and her mouth…”

“You got your neighbor invovled?” asked the doctor, stunned. “And even with her mouth nothing happened???”

“Nope,” says the old man. “We all tried as hard as we could, but none of us could get the lid off the container.”

;-)

Christine Returns Soon!

Less then 24 Hours.. ummmm I think until Christine is back home YEAH!

Now those of you who read our blog on a regular basis know I’m a very… forgiving person and generally super easy going… I’m gracious and generious with my time and effort for all kinds of things… and while Christine was gone my patience with her and my generousity toward her was serverly tested on multiple occassions and not just by the cute asian sisters who keep comming to my apartment everyday trying to sell me magazines…. ANYWAY before I dig myself any deeper of a hole let me get on with retelling the trials of the last few weeks.

First without Christine here to cook for me or force me to take her out on a nightly basis I’ve dropped weight like a crack addict.. ok maybe not that bad but 5 lbs in two weeks is quite a bit.. now of course I must admit this could be due to the fact she hasn’t been here to clean my house, I’m living in complete filth and there is an excellent chance I contracted a tape worm or some other horrible parisite…

Secondly she assigned me to take care of her plants and flowers.. ok people SERIOUSLY.. if it was like 2 plants it would be no Christine has a jungle at her house it’s a SERIOUS invest me of my time… 4 trips 30 minutes each if everything goes planned, of course it doesn’t. The devil (Christine) decided to write the instructions (yes she has so many plants instructions are needed.. and it’s very detailed)… anyway she writes the instructions for this chore on COLORED PAPER.. not like regular colored paper, but DYED color paper that is the dividers from Kinko’s the extra bright stuff.. anyway during a momentarly brain lock.. I sat the paper down on her countertop which was wet from me cleaning it for her earlier.. (yes I was being nice and cleaning up her kitchen a little)… anyway that’s the last time I’ll be nice in that regard… so I walked out.. watered the plants and then left. I come back 3 days later for the next session, take everything off the countertop and there is a PINK / RED STAIN the size of a half of piece of paper.. now seriously this shit is no joke .. Christine has gone in to convulsions over $14 tee-shirts from target that I spilled bbq sause on.. messing up her house.. could very well be my death sentence… I immediatly dial every woman I know on the planet for the means to clean this… I even resorted to calling my asian friends incase they had any secret asian formula’s that might save the day… Amazingly..nothing worked.. NOTHING.. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.. let things soak on it.. it took a total of 2 more trips with more chemicals before the counter top was returned to a somewhat normal state… all told.. the 2 hours I should have spent cleaning her house… ended up being around 5 hours. That is 5 hours I could have spent working on CvC, tipping sluts at the Jet Strip (j/k chrissy), or sleeping..

Now being in Canada must be seriously mentally hard.. because Christine has been action a little more.. lets say.. “stressed out” then normal.. and when say I say “stressed out” I mean….. well I think eveybody knows how Christine get’s when she is upset.. I’ve got the scars to prove it.. and the stories. Anyway the daily conversations went a lot like this..

Christine: I miss you can’t wait to see you again.. I need dick
Christine: I can’t wait to see you
Christine: I just don’t think I can date someone with your moral values
Christine: I wish I was with you soooo bad
Christine: We are too different for each other

Now generally.. I’ve learned to just ignore the good and the bad things Christine say’s to me.. because well she isn’t consistent.. so I just assume she means something in the middle and I’m cool with being average so it’s all good… ok so I made the mistake of finally responding after a few hours of being beat up over raising the possiblity that intergration had hurt our school system as a whole… and I say.. “Ya maybe we shouldn’t see each other any…”

Christine: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, I KNEW YOU WOULD DO THIS, good good bye I’m going out to fuck a couple guys tonight, GOOOD BYEEEEEEEE.
Christopher: Baby, I was going to say..
Christine: FUCK YOU, you said it..
Christopher: Are you going to let me finish…
Christine: FUCK NO..

Now.. of course once the hijackers let go of her brain.. she calmed.. like she always does.. informed me she doesn’t want to go get gangbanged and felt incredibly sorry.. for being a little “loopy” and of course I forgave her because … well really it doesn’t phase me anymore.. it’s like the comming and goings of the seasons.. you can’t quite predict when they will start.. but after winter always comes spring. Just wait it out and it will be all good.

So am I glad Christine is comming home?? Fucking right I am…. I just don’t think I can handle the stress of keeping her plants alive another 3 weeks.

Site Score :(

So.. our site score was a nice 8.3 at one time I was sure my beatifully valid html code would push us over 9.0.. but sitescore has now.. implimented…

The following 7 features were specifically identified:

Good: Contact details, RSS feed, News, Search facility,

Bad: Adult content, or the suggestion thereof, Profanity, Moderate profanity. Generally, our analysis detected an extremely negative selection of text and features.

LOL!, I guess we are shit out of luck eh?