Originally posted on August 23rd, 2007

*UM ERMUM*

Glancing up from my newly poured steaming cup of coffee at the wimpy looking dude behind the counter at Starfucks I think to myself.. “what now”.

Christopher: “What’s up?”

SFE: (Starfucks Employee): Points at the tip cup.

Christopher: “You want me to tip you??”

SFE: “It’s customary…….”

Christopher: “So is being heterosexual”

SFE: “Pardon…..”

Christopher: “You want me to tip you for pouring me a cup of coffee? There is no way I’m giving you a tip for that… are you out of your fucking mind.. do you really expect people who just paid like.. 5 dollars for a cup of coffee to fork over some lose change just because you made a poor career choice?”

SFE: “HEY! I HAD TO GO TO COLLEGE FOR THIS!”

Christopher: “What… are you fucking serious.. NOBODY goes to college to learn how to pour a cup of coffee.. unless their fucking retarded. Are you retarded?”

SFE: “You have no idea [...]

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82 Comment(s)

The Stuttering Kitty

Posted on August 21st, 2006 by Christopher.
Categories: Hilarious.

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter”, she says. A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered”, she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. “Well”, she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! “That must’ve been scary”, said the teacher.

“It sure was”, said the little girl. “My kitty went ‘Fffff, Fffff,Fffff’… and before he could say “Fuck,” the rottweiler ate him!”

9 comments.

Another Joke that the Girls can Relate to…

Posted on August 11th, 2006 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious.

This one made me giggle… -)

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So…what’ll it be?” The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony. “The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of shape after being …

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11 comments.

Christine is sooo ruthless.

Posted on August 9th, 2006 by Christopher.
Categories: True Story.

So yes.. I managed to make her angry again.. and this time instead of punishing me with hours of whinning on the phone, she came up with something original. It seems she was inspired by the new Grudge 2 movie posters.. ok I’ll admit the Grudge was the scariest movie I’ve ever seen and completely rattled me… ya crazy asians can make some scary freakin movies.. anyway Christine returned from Canada a day early (ya she’s back in that terrorist country).. anyway and she sneaks into my house in the middle of the night.. (I’m a really deep sleeper) she is decked in out death black makup.. and gets right up next to my face and starts blowing on …

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9 comments.

AOL’s Fall From Grace

Posted on August 7th, 2006 by Christopher.
Categories: Current Events & Politics.

When I meant Christine she used AOL.. which was almost a reason not to go on a second date with her… but eventually I explained to her the major flaws of AOL.. so today we have another example of AOL’s fall from grace.

The utter stupidity of this is staggering. AOL has released very private data about its users without their permission. While the AOL username has been changed to a random ID number, the abilitiy to analyze all searches by a single user will often lead people to easily determine who the user is, and what they are up to. The data includes personal names, addresses, social security numbers and everything else someone might type into a search box.

The most …

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0 comments.

A Hackers Guild To Losing Weight

Posted on August 6th, 2006 by Christopher.
Categories: Cool Tech & Web stuff.

Ok.. for the last few weeks I’ve been immensed in accounting and coding and I’ve been a major slacker when it comes to posting. I did however come across a nice little equation for losing 10 lbs while I sit on my fat ass.

Ok to drop 10 lbs in two months:

1. Multiply the pounds you want to lose by the number of calories in a pound of fat:
10 x 3,500 = 35,000.

2. Divide the total by the days you’ll be on the diet:
35,000 / 60 = 583

3. Eat that many fewer calories each day.

Now if I can only start applying formulas like this to ALL of my issues.. paying bills on time, watering the plants I’m money.

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