A Somali arrives in New York as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you, Mr. American, for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!” But the passer-by says, “You are mistaken, I am Mexican.”
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!” The person says, “I no American, I Vietnamese.”
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says “Thank you for the wonderful America!” That person puts up his hand and says “I am from Middle East, I am not an American!”
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, “Are you an American?” She says, “No, I am from Russia!” So he is puzzled, and asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”
The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says, “Probably at work!”
So last night Christine calls me up and say’s “Hey lets not spend any money tonight”, and I think hell ya I’m down with that.. ( this usually means I’m getting laid all evening and it’s going to be a relatively relaxing evening… ) but last night was a little different. She follows the lets not spend any money with … “Let’s carve pumpkins!”.. I think.. um.. ok… cool that will be fun. So I head over and pick her up.. Before we get out of my car I say “I thought you didn’t want to spend money tonight” to which she responds.. “Chris this is like $10 total.. it’s not like we are poor.. to which I respond.. speak for yourself, we all can’t be famous movie writers.” Anyway I digress.. but in the back of my mind I was thinking I think Christine has forgotten she lives in Los Angeles and even cheap things .. are not so cheap anymore. So as we enter.. I say… “Hey got cash.. cause I don’t think they take American Express”.. she looks at me and rolls her eyes and says.. ya I think I have $20.. and I say “cool we can get either one big pumpkin or two small ones” and she say’s.. “CHRIS we are NOT Sharing… and I’m sure $20 will be enough” I smirk and we continue on.
As we enter the patch there are a line of maybe 15 pumpkins lined up by size.. with a price wrote on them starting at $1 up.. to.. maybe $30 for a good sized pumpkin.. we aren’t talking the great pumpkin size here.. we are talking slightly larger then average pumpkin is $30… I look at Christine and a look of horror is dawning across her face.. she looks at me kind of panicked and I say “hey I can go get money” and she says.. “For the Pumpkin Patch?? No, we will make this work”.. Famous last words right there.
So Christine bounds off to play at the petting zoo.. and I start to observe the situation wondering if there is a possibility angle to get two good pumpkins at a good price, finally the only solution I came up with was to pick up one and walk out.. but that solution would NOT be ok with Christine… and would have been worst then going pumkinless. When we finally started looking at pumpkins ( I had to pull her away form the petting zoo after she caused a stampede that almost kill a little girl, and then she was teasing the goats and I think they were getting ready to start biting her ). Anyway she discovers another $20 in her purse so now we have roughly like $50 bucks between us ( her $49 me $1 ). She goes and picks out a tall pumpkin that is a pretty nice shape and she carries it around lovingly telling it how much she likes it, with a very proud mother look on her face. As we are heading to the to the checkout I grab one of the display pumpkins that is shorter but more round.. pretty much a perfect pumpkin it’s not like they display shitty pumpkins and we are ready to go. At the checkout the guy who tells us the size Jews us out of $2 extra dollars because he makes Christine’s pumpkin a $20 pumpkin instead of $18 but hey it’s ok she is happy and she loves her pumpkin. We deposit them in our car and head home, we get home I carry them up and sit them on the counter top. I grab a knife and get ready to carve and she yells “STOP this is a process and why are you going to carve my pumpkin??” It is at this moment that it dawns on me that the strange look she had in her eyes earlier at the patch when she saw the pumpkin I picked out.. wasn’t approval it was envy and she had spent the drive home mentally abandoning the pumpkin she had chosen so she could get mine. So I tell her I’m 100% sure I have the right pumpkin she makes a stink for maybe 2 minutes before finally saying “I WANT THIS PUMPKIN” … ahh the truth how refreshing… I say “Well if you want it you can have it, you should have just said so. You didn’t need to try and scam it”.
I’ll let it be known, that the first thing I offered was to pick up two pumpkins and bring them over.. which would have solved this whole thing because we would have had two perfect pumpkins instead of one perfect one which she took from me and one pretty good pumpkin but hey and artist is only as good as his materials. On top of having two perfect pumpkins.. they both would have been free.
Final cost: $38.00 for the evening about the cost of an average movie night.
Well I wanted to post about the pelican that swallowed the pigeon whole over in London today but instead there was some late breaking software news… Firefox 2.0 has release.. Officially… go ahead go and get it people.
Check out the nice cake Microsoft sent over to Mozilla.
There are certain things in life that some of us just shouldn’t do, for example I shouldn’t write movies… Christine has informed me of this many times… ( I always want to make everybody a killer, even the little kid with the ice cream ) and Christine probably isn’t cut out for the Military. There are less extremes to this of course where certain hobbies should be left alone.. I’m really not going to ever be a world class scrap booker. I would like to state right now.. that Hockey players probably shouldn’t play Fantasy Football… it’s just not healthy for there delicate ego’s.
Christine and I have fired up a fantasy football league this year with a couple of our friends one of those guys, ( Keith of Brightsyde )just happens to be a hockey player.. after a deceiving start his true skills are starting to shine through. After a close lost yet ultimately humiliating defeat last weekend to Christine ( nothing worst then losing to a girl especially when you talk as much trash as my cuz does ) he was matched up with Eric ( also of Brightsyde ) who throughly humiliating him.. 313 to 154. He is now on a three game losing streak that personally I don’t think he can pull himself out of, ( after all he is a hockey player and doesn’t hockey give a point for a tie so it’s not like winning is really valued all that much in that sport ). It seems that hockey players probably shouldn’t play fantasy football.. then again.. if they didn’t the rest of us would be forced to well….. beat up on the girls. I do however have to give some props to Christine she is now tied for first place in her division and owns all the tie breakers, however the fact her league has a hockey player says a lot about the level of competition. It reminds me of how USC wins a lot in the pathetic 10 err I mean the PAC 10 in college football.
Still in the Halloween spirit, Christopher found this great mind-bending test that is guaranteed to make you smarter. Click on the link below and look at the two pictures. There are three differences in them– very, very hard to find. Without spoiling it, or giving an obvious hint, I will say that one of the hidden differences does have to do with a popular Halloween theme. Good luck! Oh… by the way… if you want to beat Christopher’s time, you have to find all three in less than 46 seconds.
Click here to see the pictures side by side.