• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formly known as California.
• White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
• Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
• Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
• Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
• Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afg hanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
• Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
• France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
• Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
• George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
• Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
• 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
• Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
• Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
• Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.
• Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
• Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts
• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful-and potentially addictive-mood-altering chemicals.

Study author Gordon G. Gallup, Ph.D., a psychologist at the State University of New York in Albany, also found that women who routinely had intercourse without condoms became increasingly depressed as more time elapsed since their last sexual encounter. There was no such correlation for women whose partners regularly used condoms.

Gallup’s survey of 293 college women also found that those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended. “These women are more vulnerable to the rebound effect, which suggests that there is a chemical dependency,” says Gallup.

Semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins, and some of these are absorbed through the walls of the vagina and are known to elevate mood.

Gallup controlled for variables including method of contraception, frequency of sexual intercourse, as well as the women’s perception of their relationship. He concedes that women who regularly have sex without condoms might share personality traits that make them less susceptible to depression. But the behavior most often associated with non-condom users is sexual risk-taking, and studies have found no correlation between high-risk sexual behavior and lower rates of depression.

Gallup’s study, which he deems “the first serious attempt to investigate the effect of semen chemistry on women,” titillated the public and rankled some academics upon publication in Archives of Sexual Behavior. Gallup says he has since replicated the findings with a sample of 700 women and will examine whether “semen withdrawal” places women at an increased risk for depression when they are premenstrual, menopausal or have just given birth, as many women abstain from sex during these periods.

Just wanted to post one more time before I leave for Hong Kong to wish everyone a happy Memorial Day weekend!

Here’s to the start of a great summer!

Maybe I’ve reached the height of laziness or maybe I was just fucking around either way last night I decided I needed burn some documents.  Having thrown out my grill a few months ago I had a bit of a challenge on my hands… what to burn these documents in.  Yes I could have shredded them… no doubt.. but I didn’t feel like taking the time to shred so many papers.. burning is such a better use of my time.  After messing around for a few minutes I decided a large ceramic flower pot would work perfect  (closed on the bottom and fire resistant ).  So I dumped a bunch of papers and checks, ect into the pot.  Poured some lamp oil and busted out my blow torch and started a fire.  So far no big deal… everything started to burn just like it should.. I figured 5 minutes and I would have a pot full of ashes.  Well.. I’ll admit I miscalculated with the lamp oil.. but hey it’s not like I get multiple chances with the lamp oil (the papers were wet and I didn’t feel like pissing around trying to get them lit).  So of course 5 minutes later.. not even 10% of the papers were burned.. and I had a roaring flame in my flower pop which had been sitting in the doorway.

I was torn.. I wanted to bring it in.. (I was burning private docs) but I didn’t want to have the fire inside either… so I just settled for inside but doors and windows open with the pot close to the door.  With the fire doing it’s job I went back to my computer to do some coding.. about 20 minutes later there is a knock at my door and I thought to myself.. “God Christine is REALLY bad at telling time she is 20 minutes early”.   I peak around the corner and the landlords dumbass son is standing there…

“uhh Chris are you burning something?”

What.. am I burning something? Your standing above the flame retard.  “Yes, some documents”

Tom: “What happened to your shreader”

Myself: “Would take too long”

Tom: “Your going to give the whole building carbon monoxide poisoning, you need to do something about this”

glancing over at my $80 carbon monoxide poison detector that is hanging on the wall… “I think we are all pretty safe from that danger”

Tom: “Your going to stain the ceilings with smoke…”

Myself: “You mean worst then the mold stains?”

At this point Tom looks at me.. shrugs and leaves  and I walk over to the burning flower pot that had been raging  inferno while we talked… I was very surprised to see that only about 25% of the papers had actually burned thus far.. and decided my burning strategy had serious flaws.  So I grabbed my oven mitts and brought the burning pot to my sink and extinguished it.   When it was all said and done I ended up just tossing the sensitive documents slightly burnt into the trash (I’ve decided I should not let Christine make me paranoid about people dumpster diving).  In the end I accomplished in 30 minutes what my firewood candle can’t do burning all day and night.. a nice campfire smell to my apt.

So I’ll admit… I like online porn as much as the next girl. And despite the fact that Christopher’s eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning when I told him that sometimes I search for pictures of naked women, it’s not that I’d rather fuck a woman over a guy (as I am a most definite fan of the male body– particularly the chest, shoulders, hands, jaw, back, butt, abs, and quads… did I mention shoulders?), but that the female naked body is truly beautiful and sexy. Well… not all of them… hehe.

No, no… don’t worry. I’m not going to post any more pix of fat people with unidentifiable body parts hanging out. But realistically… not everyone was born with a talent for photography. And just as a great photographer can make an average woman appear beautiful… a bad photographer can make an attractive woman appear average… or downright creepy.

So here are some examples of naked women that maybe the world of porn could have lived without:

I’m not exactly sure what’s wrong with this photo, but it gives me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it’s that she’s trying so hard to smile in that contorted position, or maybe it’s her giraffe-like neck…

A woman’s face on a man’s body… not quite… but close… but not quite…

Okay… not a bad looking girl… but did someone really wrap that sticky stuff you’re supposed to put on your shelves to keep dishes from slipping off around her arms and neck? That stuff always reminded me of puff paint after it dries… and why the single braid sticking out from the top of her head? Did some child with A.D.D. decide to practice corn rows but became distracted by the shelf liner? I just want to know why…