My last name stays put.
The garage is all mine.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
I can be President.
I can’t get pregnant.
I can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
I can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell me the truth.
The world is my urinal.
I never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
I don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at my chest when their talking to me.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister,or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
I know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
I can open all your own jars.
I get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite me, he or she can still be my friend.
My underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
I almost never have strap problems in public.
I am unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on my face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
I only have to shave my face and neck.
I can play with toys all your life.
My belly usually hides my bighips.
One wallet and one color for all seasons.
I can wear shorts no matter how my legs look.
I can “do” my nails with a pocket knife.
I have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
I can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
“If someone forgets to invite me, he or she can still be my friend. ”
It does seem like guy friendships are less complex and don’t involve so much drama.
Let’s not forget the MOST important reason Christopher is happier than Christine… he gets to date her.
She’s right ya know.
Ooh, I’m a super star!
I feel like I need big sunglasses and a ‘fro like Diana Ross to complete my super stardom. Would that be too much?
Well, by the time you get ‘em, you’ll probably have moved to the next level. Can help you out with the sunglasses though…
Um, Christine can be President… but anyway, how about one to replace it:
Never has to fake an orgasm to make his partner feel secure.
That’s true.
Ya PJ but I was speaking.. realistically..
Oh no you dinnnn’t… (n)
‘topher: realistically about the presidency, or the orgasms?
I might also take exception to this one, ‘topher:
“Car mechanics tell me the truth.” (yeah, and your last girlfriend really WAS a virgin
)
my last gf was definitely NOT a virgin.. I learned that wasn’t a plus after the first virgin.
sure, but your last car mechanic wasn’t telling you the truth either!
I’m a virgin…