I think in every relationship there comes a time where you really need to know where you stand. The truth is relationships are really about testing your significant other to see if they are up to snuff, how they react to certain things can tell you a lot about how deep their feelings are for you. If the girl doesn’t mind you burping in her face.. that is probably a good thing… ok she might mind but as long as she can giggle that is good. Over the years I’ve devised a variety of ways to test my status wiht Christine and I’ve listed them below.
- The Gum Test - This is personally one of my favorites. Basically the way it works is you get some chewing gum and you chew it… (duh) at random intervals you pull it out of your mouth this accomplished two things, it gets your fingers sticky and it is bad manners. You can do a few things to see where her snapping point is. First you can sit down and use her computer (making her keyboard all sticky – it took Christine about 2 years to say something to me about touching gum than keyboard, I take this as a sign that she likes me a lot). I like to reach over and hold her hand right after I put the gum back in my mouth, Christine never say’s anything about this. Her snapping point? When I put my gum on her leg or cheek as a place for it to rest while I recharge my jaws from chomping away…
- The Soda Test – This involves trapping some soda inside your straw while at a nice dinner and then dropping some of that sode onto her hand or plate… generally speaking Christine knows that I’m rather indifferent to my audience when we are eating out so she doesn’t get to upset about this one… it actually usually makes her smile. (usually).
- The Interruption Test – Everytime she starts telling you something just interrupt her.. and tell her something. when you finish “oh ya what were you saying”. This will make Christine melt down FAST.
- Ignore her for TV – Just kind of look like your tuning out, and watch TV when she gets upset.. just repeat back to her what she was saying.. this can really drive a woman nuts. Why? Because a woman lives for the day she can bust your ass about something and the fact that she thinks she got you and it turns out she didn’t.. is really maddening.
- Unhook her Bra & Other Bra Games – Unhook her bra randomly, or lead her around by the back of her bra like it’s a leash.. (women are kind of helpless if you grab them good by the bra, they kind of just go where you point them…) and if your feeling especially playful give her a few bra snaps. Warning.. this type of behavior can inspire and extremly negative reactions.
- Chew on Her Pen – Ask her to borrow a pen, promptly pop it in your mouth and start chewing. I pretty much do this automatically and luckily for me I have all these other tests that tell me Christine loves me otherwise I would be screwed.. judging by her reaction to the pen test… she does NOT love me.
- Refer to her as Bitch – “Sup Bitch”, “Lata Bitch”, “This is my Bitch Christine”. See how long she lets this go on.. and if she can take it with a smile.
- Order Food Without Input – When she gets up to go to the bathroom pre-ordering, go ahead take the liberty. When she tells you she doesn’t like something, tell her to quit whinning and eat it. This is another one that Christine does not like on any level.
- Reprogram the Electronics in Her Life – Like replacing pictures of Meshia with Jessica Alba on her desktop wallpaper or upgrading her Pete Yorn collection to Eminem on Pandora and if you really want to test her love, reprogram her radio stations in her car.