A Comment on Names and the English Language

Posted on October 18th, 2006 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious, Pissed Off & Proud of It.

Okay, listen. Someone had to finally freaking say it, so I’m going to. Just because you decide to spell your plain old mundane name in some f’d up new way, does not make you unique or special. Granted, if your parents were idiots and decided to name you “Jeremy” but spell it “Jeramey” or “Jerrimee” or “Jarime” then you do get a few points on the sympathy scale for having ignorant parents. But if you, yourself, on your own, are willingly fucking with the spelling of your own name just to be different, or clever, or because you’ve recently come out of the closet, declared you’re gay, and want some sort of re-birth, then shut the fuck up.

Just because it is your name, does not mean you own the word. Rules of the English language still apply. There are still such things as the “silent e,” “short vowels,” and “diphthongs.” “Stephanie” is not “Stefanni.” “Jason” is not “Jaysun.” “Tyler” is not “Tielar.” “Susan” is not “Sue-sun” (unless you’re Korean and then it’s okay).

The truth is… no one cares if you spell your name “different” than everyone else. Women aren’t going to like you more. Potential bosses aren’t going to think you stand out in an interview because your resume sports a double “e” when most people spell the same name with an “ie.” You aren’t going to get a record deal because of it. Your byline won’t be more popular. And you it won’t get you into the NBA. So just freaking stop. In the name of all that is good and righteous, stop. Spell your name the way it was supposed to be spelled since the point of having a systemized language and literate society is to enhance communication– let people read it easily, pronounce it correctly, and you can work on finding another way to make your mark in life.

7 comments.

Check Out Our Newest Design! »« Come on… Stop Picking on Miami…