A Comment on Names and the English Language

Posted on October 18th, 2006 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious, Pissed Off & Proud of It.

Okay, listen. Someone had to finally freaking say it, so I’m going to. Just because you decide to spell your plain old mundane name in some f’d up new way, does not make you unique or special. Granted, if your parents were idiots and decided to name you “Jeremy” but spell it “Jeramey” or “Jerrimee” or “Jarime” then you do get a few points on the sympathy scale for having ignorant parents. But if you, yourself, on your own, are willingly fucking with the spelling of your own name just to be different, or clever, or because you’ve recently come out of the closet, declared you’re gay, and want some sort of re-birth, then shut the fuck up.

Just because it is your name, does not mean you own the word. Rules of the English language still apply. There are still such things as the “silent e,” “short vowels,” and “diphthongs.” “Stephanie” is not “Stefanni.” “Jason” is not “Jaysun.” “Tyler” is not “Tielar.” “Susan” is not “Sue-sun” (unless you’re Korean and then it’s okay).

The truth is… no one cares if you spell your name “different” than everyone else. Women aren’t going to like you more. Potential bosses aren’t going to think you stand out in an interview because your resume sports a double “e” when most people spell the same name with an “ie.” You aren’t going to get a record deal because of it. Your byline won’t be more popular. And you it won’t get you into the NBA. So just freaking stop. In the name of all that is good and righteous, stop. Spell your name the way it was supposed to be spelled since the point of having a systemized language and literate society is to enhance communication– let people read it easily, pronounce it correctly, and you can work on finding another way to make your mark in life.

7 comments.

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Christopher the Pyro hunt n' pecked this

Whatever Chrissy… I liked spelling my name Kristeupher

October 18th, 2006

Christine the Lioness got all philosophical

Considering “Christopher” is really the only word you spell right 100% of the time… I don’t think you should talk, baby. =;

October 18th, 2006

Haas the Addict quibbed this

Come on Krys-teen give some slack to the poor people. If they are so disturbed to do that you should just nod and laugh after they are out the door =))

Btw what is worse bad-spellings or puns -s s

October 18th, 2006

Christine the Lioness hunt n' pecked this

You’re right, Haas. Laughing at people behind their back is soooo much better! -)

October 19th, 2006

Day-vid the Virgin hunt n' pecked this

Great post Christine. Someone had to finally say it! Us across the pond are not allowed make fun of you guys for doing that. But we do laugh behind your backs / )

October 19th, 2006

fuzzit the Groupie uttered

Here’s a few gems from some kids here in the southern us

Phantacy
Passion- boys name
SyKierra
Topenga and Tomenga- twins
I could go on but I won’t….

October 21st, 2006

Christine the Lioness added

o Oh, Fuzzit… those poor, poor children. That’s even worse than a family of boys I knew when I volunteered for the Boys and Girls Club in Venice… they were: DeJohn, DeShawn, DeLon, and DeWon. -s

October 21st, 2006

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