I’m rarely at a loss for words… as Christopher can attest to, when I’m happy (and not hungry) I’m a chatty Cathy doll, and when I’m pissed, the words fly out like miniature daggers from a lawn sprinkler… but right now, nothing seems to be coming.
When Christopher told me last month that he didn’t want to see me anymore, I was pretty hurt. I felt a lot of things… betrayal, regret, sadness, anger, and even some hope that he might change his mind. Not wanting to be severed from each others’ lives, he wanted to be friends and I agreed, somewhat resenting it. Since then, he’s tried to be my friend… he’s put up with me accusing him of never caring about me, of my crying, my asking him to explain the whole thing over and over… and much, much more.
I find myself hanging on to things that were special memories of us, of reliving the fights, of wavering from trying to figure out where whe went wrong to knowing in my gut we just weren’t meant to be. It’s been one hell of a ride that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
In the last month, I’ve shut my office door to cry at work, dropped two sizes, and having dreams that we were walking around aimlessly with puzzle pieces in our hands and when we found each other, we were ecstatic that our’s fit.
Chris vs. Chris was sort of Christopher’s gift to me… when we first started dating, I said we should do a website together and this is what we came up with. He would send me designs and colors and logos and I would tell him to change this or that… and I think it’s one of the best things anyone has ever done for me.
For the last year, I logged on to chrisvschris.com every day. It was set as my homepage and I loved writing new content, commenting on Christopher’s ridiculous ideas, and reading what you all had to say. In my mind, it was like a child that Christopher and I had together… the culmination of the two of us… and it was so good.
I haven’t posted since he ended our relationship. He’s asked me several times if I want to keep the site going and my answer is always that I don’t know… I didn’t think it was appropriate to air our private stuff on the site, but posting about anything else right now seems trite… at least to me.
On top of that, posting on this site– something that gave me so much happiness– suddenly became something that makes me feel so sad every time I think about it. And that really, really sucks.
I don’t know what the future holds for any of us. I don’t even know if Christopher and I will be able to remain friends. We seem to be on this path of desctruction right now and no matter what we do, we get closer to crashing…
I guess I just wanted to thank him for this website. For every moment that he worried about me, or thought about me, or put his arms around me when I was crying. I didn’t always get what I wanted or needed from him… but at the same time, I didn’t always tell him how much I liked the things that were good.
If this does end up being the last post to chrisvschris, then please know that your comments meant a lot to both of us. They sparked many fun debates and inspired us to keep writing, keep learning, keep putting our views out there.
When things get really difficult and painful and confusing… I just trust that God will take care of me and whatever is meant to happen, will. He has always taken care of me in the past.
Thank you for being a part of our little project, and in turn, being a part of our lives… even if only for a little while.
And yes, this post was inspired by me pissing Christine of really really bad yesterday… see I knew I could get her to post again.
Trust me people, Christine cannot keep quiet for long.. so if I keep the site up, she will eventually get so outraged by something I say she will be unable to control herself and the words will just fly off her fingers.
((((Christine)))) I’ll call him a rat bastard for you, if it’ll cheer you up!!
Okay, through the selfish eyes of a male, only considering how the news affects himself, let me say that I’m bummed. I just found this place and enjoyed what I have slowly been sifting through…
…and now it could end? :::sigh:::
I’m sorry you feel so bad, Christine. But, let’s face it, I’ve read what Christopher has been writing and you really can do a lot better. (No offense, Christopher, but you’re a neanderthal and destined to be an evolutionary strand that just doesn’t maintain viability.)
Hope you can work it out, Christine, because I’ve enjoyed the posts, the comments and the banter.
That sucks. You guys actually have smart witty posts and comments, and now you might leave? And you represented the IE like me. Now you guys might break up with us! What a jip. At least you didn’t leave us with herpes.
Hey, Chris, something’s goofy with your post counter. I just noticed that I’ve been rated as having 25 comments for awhile–and I know it’s said the same thing through the last few comments that I’ve made, so it’s not counting.
Just FYI.
Had it not been for the lack of recent posts, I might think this is another in a long line of good jokes? Alas, I realize not.
Unlike certain other peopleI like to think that I saw past the surface values of your posts, and perhaps I did, because I realize you are both very good people? Entertaining, real and humorous in your own ways? A good pairing it seemed.I?ve always admired your site design, so the collaboration of Chris doing all the physical labor, and Christine doing all the
bossing arounddecision making seems to have worked well?I?ll keep you on my blogroll for a while, in case things work out, if not, I definitely hope you guys will keep blogging separately and let me know the site URLs?
Congrats on losing the 2 sizes babe, you must look ?hotter?n all get out? now?
I guess some things weren’t meant to be and it’ll be a shame if this site goes down but far be it from me or anyone else to harass both of you to keep it up if it might cause more damage between the two of you. Good luck with whatever you guys choose and I’ll keep looking back to see if there is anything else new.
Thanks, hterry. I appreciate that sentiment. You is cool.
Commiserations. It gets better (or so I?m told). I find that cursing a lot is theraputic.
Hey Chris and Chris… I am shocked that you all have called it quits. Maybe though itll work out, sometimes you just need a break ya know!?! I hope you all are ok….miss your posts
Katie
Thank you, Katie. Our readers totally fucking rock.
Yes, Katie our readers do rock now if i could get Christine to get off her lazy ass and post something life would be all good. All she wants to do is sit around and watch the food channel all day and run 5k’s… what a strang combination. She occassional takes a break from those two things to write a holywood blockbuster but generally she is just slacking her life away.. she even scammed me into building this furniture for her.. (while she told me i was doing it wrong the whole time..) I wish we could have podcast that shit.
I wish we could hook him up to a polygraph just once… now THAT would be a podcast you wouldn’t want to miss. BTW– I only told him he was doing it wrong after he had to rebuild it the first time because he’d drilled the sides inside out and when I realized after he’d told me to how to drill the hinges on the door, that they were upside down. But other than that… I have to give him props. The furniture looks great. I’ve decided though that Christopher and I approach things differently (oh, ya think???). I would go slow to make sure I don’t make a mistake, and he goes fast figuring if he makes a mistake, he’ll just take the screws out and re-do it the right way… (I think it’s just an excuse to play with his power tools longer…
)
You guys are really funny. I see you are back to being quirky, yaya!!! Not to be nosey..but have you all talked? Is there a possibility of chris and chris being a chris and chris again?? Pleaseeee say yesssssss
katie
Katie.. we don’t talk that is how we can get along. She can believe she is always right instead of being reminded she is a clueless liberal..
I’m not getting woke up at 3am by her tapping on my shoulder asking me if I’m awake. so she can ask me to get a blanket off the floor I’m cold… so life is all good. As for being chris vs chris, we’ll see Christine did post again.. but it was mostly because congress made it harder for her to keep her meth addiction going…
Pingback: super 8 motel
this is sexy blog i love it . thx for makingthe blog alive !!
good luck
thanks