Christine the Lioness (3122)
Christopher the Pyro (1985)
ProphetJoe the Irreverent (1234)
Trouble the Pirate (600)
Keith the Director (573)
Mara the Peacemaker (532)
eric the Lil' Devil (351)
AJ the Zen Master (305)
Ben the Kingpin (213)
Haas the Addict (187)
Christine 2 the Mercenary (131) Lei the Mercenary (124) Katie the Mercenary (115)
Ben2 the Soldier (56) Christine the Lioness mentioned
I am getting Christopher anger management classes for Christmas. I know it’s still several months away, so if you are some poor sap working as a barista at Starbucks… until then, if you see a guy with blue eyes wearing a Penn State cap that looks like it could jump off his head and start walking by itself, run! He wasn’t kidding about burning you and he wasn’t kiding about not paying either. 
Jo the Virgin penned this
“Bucking Starfucks” …. well that makes me laugh on it’s own!! (Like Ken-fucky Tried Chicken!)
I have to say I love coffee but hate the whole “anal” list of questions the baristas ask so I make someone else order!! Last time I did the guy asked if I wanted my vanilla latte grande (it had already taken 4 questions to get to this point!!) with wings?
Me - with wings? [thought processes going mad …. Starbucks serves chicken too?]
Barista - yes, wings … as in to go, to takeaway!
I had a mental image ofmy coffee flying out of the shop ahead of me with wings like an always sanitary towel. I stayed and drank it there!!
Kate the Virgin stated
You don’t know what it’s like to live in Korea where due to a lack of Korean language skills and/or lack of artsy-fartsy choice, you get used to just ordering a simple coffee in Starbucks (short or tall latte for me) and then to come back home and be at a coffee shop where you asked what size cup (3 or 4 choices), what kind of coffee (it seemed like there were 12), what kind of milk (4 choices, including soy) and FINALLY what kind of sugar (three types)you want before you get your coffee. I felt my brain sputter literally that day.
Crystal the Soldier spake, and sayeth
Pure caffiene in a cup. That’s what I like. My Starbux order is usually a frap (sugar makes the caf go down easier) with 2 extra shots of espresso. If I’m paying $6 for a coffee drink, I’d better be up for 3 or 4 days. Can you imagine working there? I’d get an eye twitch from trying to learn all 18000000000 choices.
Christine the Lioness stated
Kate… actually, I do know what it’s like to order a coffee at Starbucks in Korea. I once went to get a coffee at the Co-Ex Mall in Seoul and when I saw that it was 7,500 Won (about $6.25 US) I decided I didn’t need coffee that bad. So we went downstairs to a dinky little coffee/pastry shop in the basement and got a cup for $2.50. While I was there, I did learn a few basics of the Korean language (I can say about 5 things) and how to order coffee was one of them…romanized, it’s like this… “Ka-pe jom chu-seo.” LOL!
Christopher the Pyro remarked
Yes Kate.. she is a knowitall.
Christine the Lioness commented
I’m glad Christopher FINALLY recognizes that I do, actually, know it all. I’ve been trying to tell him that for a long time.
Benjamin Solah the Virgin chimed in with
Starbucks sux is all I can say, I just like lattes, though I have drunken their coffee before…and liked it, I much prefer the local coffee shop
Matt the Groupie up'n wrote this
Ah, all big chain coffee houses are crap.
I like that I go into my regular in the mornings (Phat Coffee), and Josh makes my Standard Flat White With One Sugar, says G’day and I pay him. None of this crap where you have to explain what type of coffee you want. Hell, I can even leave my iPod on, listening to music the whole time. He knows what I want, and I only know his name because someone else I know knows him. He doesn’t know my name, yet he knows what I want to drink.
Christine the Lioness quibbed this
I personally think drinking a Starbucks coffee appeals to people on the same level as smoking cigarettes. I have a theory that people are so overstressed and amped up during their day, they have to find a justification to take a break… and sitting in a Starbucks for a half hour, or standing outside sucking on a cigarette makes them feel like the break away from their desk is somehow more worthy than just stepping outside for a 10 minute walk. If you say, “Hey, I need to get up and take a break,” people look at you like you’re lazy. But if you say, “Hey, I need a cigarette right now,” or “I need a Starbucks,” it’s somehow okay because they can all relate to the fact that you are a slave to your addictions. Go figure.
Lei the Mercenary penned this
i don’ know, but i think people have this notion that those who drink coffee at starbucks are “sociable,” and that being that “sociable” is being cool. well, there may be lots of reasons for doing things as trivial as drinking coffee, and there may be different reasons for drinking a Starbucks coffee for this matter… oh well, whatever. but as for me, i love my coffee richly bitter and richly sweet
Self-degrading Specialist the Virgin mentioned
For another truly great Starbucks experience, go to http://shoelessrocks.blogspot.com/2005/03/did-you-eat-extra-bowl-of-stupid-this.html.
At the risk of losing all my reputation (assuming I have any), I’d like to confess that Starbucks is STILL there where I get my daily dose of caffeine every morning, even after all that has happened and the inevitable fact that it IS an evil corporate machine.
What can I say? It’s right next door to my bleedin’ office!
Susan the Virgin got all philosophical
You had me in stitches! I’m with you, plain ol’ regular coffee….Dunkin’ Donuts, nothing more nothing less
Christine the Lioness uttered
Susan, please don’t encourage him. I’m trying to break him of his habit of shoplifting and ordering stuff without paying for it!
Christopher the Pyro penned this
I thought u wern’t trying to groom me?
Christine the Lioness mentioned
Aha! You got me. Busted! It’s true I am trying to groom you, much in the same way that a groomer grooms a rough, uncouth dog… trying to break him of his bad habits of over aggression and growling for no reason so that he will be a good pet. No wonder dogs are man’s best friend… they can relate on so many levels!
Jessica the Virgin penned this
thats hysterical! Excellent blog…
-Jessica
Les Becker the Virgin spake, and sayeth
Here in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, the “cool” place is, of course, Tim Horton’s?, and the people in line ahead of me order in code, eerily similar to the Starbucks scene in “You’ve Got Mail”: “Extra-Double-Large-Ice-Cap-triple-triple-and-double-cup -it. Oh, and Roll Up the Rim.”
I’m always embarassed to ask for a “Large Black. No, that’s it. Really.”
Oh, and don’t ask why you can’t use your debit card, or the 400 people in line behind you will beat you up.
OldGuy the Virgin quibbed this
Personally I love coffee. That tastes like coffee.
Great story !
zandperl the Virgin up'n wrote this
My boyfriend and I were dismayed to find London as crawling with Starbucks’ as are New York and Boston. You’d think with all the tea drinkers that a coffee chain wouldn’t do all that well. But it was usually located between the McDonald’s and the Gap, so what do I know…
Todd the Virgin spake, and sayeth
Sounds to me like you nee dless coffee and more therapy Hey, I’m kidding. The ONLY time I’ll drink Stabusk’s is when there is no other option. I’ll even drink Gas Station coffee, and prefer 7-Eleven’s coffee to Starbucks. I’m on your side, man.
Christine the Lioness asserted
I think it’s pretty simple… if you hate Starbucks, don’t go there. There are plenty of other places that still name a large coffee “large” so just patronize those places instead… it’s not like the coffee tastes any different there.
Pi. the Virgin asserted
reading Steve Allen’s ‘Dumbth’ at the moment, and this is exactly the sort of story he writes about …
Christopher the Pyro got all philosophical
I’ll check it out 
Sound interesting.
Mike the Groupie commented
lmao, someone who’s actually too stupid to order at starbucks ! You know the thing on the wall with all the writing on, try reading that before you attempt to order. You don’t go into a shoe store and ask for ’shoes’ in the same way as you don’t go into a coffee shop and ask for ‘coffee’
Christopher the Pyro stated
Mike,
You must be a coffee house faggot. It is certainly ok to go into a “Coffee” house and order “coffee”
Christine the Lioness got all philosophical
LOL!
Okay, okay… while I would never condone Christopher’s decision to walk out without paying, I do have to point out that Mike’s argument is a bit flawed…
It’s true that you don’t go into a shoe store and say “I want shoes.” But many times I’ve gone into a shoe store and said, “I need a pair of strappy black heels.” And I’ve never once had a shoe salesman give me a condescending look and say, “We don’t have strappy black heels. We have Kenneth Cole jet black heels with straps, or we have Enzo beige closed-toe pumps.” The point is… I don’t have to say the exact name of the shoes for the salesperson to know which one I’m going to want. They just walk me over to where the strappy black heels are.
When Christopher ordered a “large” coffee… I’m guessing the Starbucks employee probably knew which of the three sizes (vente, grande or tall) equates to small, medium, and large. He was probably instructed in one of his Starbucks all-staff meetings that in order to “train” the public to use the correct terminology, rather than just pick up the “large” cup, he should give them the tall, grande, and vente options. Either that, or he really was brain dead and couldn’t figure out which cup was the largest of the three. I think it’s the pretentiousness of it all that gets under Christopher’s skin. Sure, branding is important and all that for companies, but at the expense of becomng a little too self-important, come on, Starbucks, you’re not providing a service that changes the world for the better (like providing vaccinations to the elderly, or distributing medical alert bracelets), you’re selling overpriced coffee. Get over it.
Diary of a Fat Boy the Virgin pontificated
Why do the Democrats get all the good food?
Coffee:
Starbucks - 100% Democrat
Dunkin’ Donuts - 88% Republican
This truly sucks. Who the hell drinks Dunkin Donuts coffee? Might as well go to 7-11 at that point, or any gas station. Starbucks Coffee is just so damn tasty. Maybe some smart …
Christopher the Pyro added
I think your the only person who I know who has ever said Starfucks coffee is better then Dunkin Donut Coffee.
Christine the Lioness penned this
But he’s a fat boy… so he should know. Isn’t a fat person more of an expert on food?
JB the Virgin remarked
As a guy who doesn’t drink coffee, I was once asked to go pick up starbucks for a business meeting.
It is so refreshing to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way! Not only did I manage to screw the coffee order up, but I got multiple dirty looks because I didn’t understand the gazillion different options and terms they have.
To all you people who pay anywhere between $3 to $4.50 for a cup of coffee. I don’t rip on you for loving coffee. Please have some respect and don’t look at me like I’m crazy.
Pam the Virgin pontificated
Way back when Starbucks started, they had damn good coffee. Now they are McCoffee and their espresso is weak, their brewed coffee is usually old because they “forget” to clean the brewer and the cafe isn’t at all comfortable. And if someone orders a frozen drink, you can’t hear a think because blender’s so loud. (No wonder baristas have to ask customers to repeat their order sometimes - they’ve gone deaf from the sound of the blender!) To top it off their baristas used to be very well paid, but around here McD’s pays better.
I make a point to find indie shops. The coffee’s usually better and the staff’s usually more pleasant.
The Village Idiot the Virgin pontificated
Yeah, exactly. The coffee snob factor in the country has had my anus on full pucker for almost ten full years now. (Yes, I could damn a river with it).
Gimme a Dunkin Donuts regular any day,
Gotta say it, you are sooooo right. I know I’m going to be snubbed big time for this, but I think 7-11 and Dunkin Donuts’ coffee beats Starbucks all the way back to the west coast. AND I don’t feel like an idiot paying 1/10th of my paycheck for a cup.
CB
Ps. I am a first timer to your blog and I gotta be sure to bookmark this puppy.
Christine the Lioness asserted
Thanks, CB. You know what… I’m all for just making your own coffee at home. Invest in a really nice thermal car mug, set the auto timer to make it as your alarm goes off, and wake up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee. There really are some things we can do for ourselves…
sarah the Virgin pontificated
hehe~
james the Virgin hunt n' pecked this
Whenever I order a black coffee at these establishments the staff tend to look at me as though I have just ordered a mug of fresh virgin blood with a straw.
I just want a black coffee 
lilly the Virgin chimed in with
I’m pretty annoying when it comes to coffee, I like it made just so and everything. However, I have to say, Starbucks’s not GOOD coffee, the fact that they call sizes by stupid Italian names and have a large variety of beverages don’t make the coffee any better.
Good coffee is made of good quality beans that are roasted for a specific amount of time and bla bla bla….not cause it’s got stupid names or cost double then anywhere else.
Sturbucks tried opening a few branches where I live and they all closed within a year, people just wasn’t happy with the quality of coffee, and chose to drink their espressos and cappuccinos elsewhere.
Ben the Kingpin said this
Their Chai Tea is … okay. If you order it, be sure to add cinnamon and nutmeg to it–and if you get it iced, get only about 1/10 of the usual ice.
It’s *so* much better in the Middle East…
The best Chai I ever had was in the souq in Doha Qatar. I was waiting with a friend while he had a suit custom-made for him (for $175 no less!) and the proprieter ordered us Chai from a passing vendor. Wow! That was the best stuff I’d ever had!
Baritsa the Virgin asserted
You’re…stupid.
As lame as that sounds, It’s not that hard to understand that there are three sizes, tall, grande, venti. In the universal way of things, you think small, medium, large. So the LAST one would be the Large=Venti. We’re not talking rocket science. Also, there are displays all over the place in every starbucks with the cup and its size name. Not just one Starbucks, but every Starbucks.
Also, theres a mild, bold, decaf. Thats it. if you said “Large coffee” they would USUALLY just ask, mild or bold, so I dunno why you say they went on a tangent and asked if you wanted any bar drinks, because thats two different stations with a different person.
Starbucks Baristas are made to suggest certain blends of coffee or flavours, it’s part of a thing called “star skills” they have no choice. You would simply just say “no thanks” and that would be the end of it.
Blogs like this just show how closed minded some people are that when they don’t understand things they automaticaly think it’s a coporate evil thats trying to ruin your life somehow because god forbid people just want to give you coffee. Would you boycott Kraft dinner if they changed the name of the cheese packet? Would you wine about your citys public transportation if they changed the color of the buses?
The fact is that Starbucks actually is an excellent place to work. Granted the hours can be long, but baristas get stock options, raised every 6 months, full life insurance, benefits like mad, tuition reinbursements, discounts, even help adopting children.
You need to seriously grow up and get out of this dillusion that the world outside your little emo bubble is evil.
never comming to this site again.
Christopher the Pyro got all philosophical
Baritsa,
Your so convincing.. reality.. the people who work at Starbucks are the bottom of the barrel.. like the peopl who work at Great Wraps.
Alex the Groupie penned this
Heh… I was studying in Manhattan this summer, and you couldn’t pass out drunk on any corner of that island without a fucking Starbuck’s glaring down at you. Anyhoo, I learned how to order a coffee, eventually.
So, when I first got to Oxford, I was pretty tired from planes, trains, and automobiles, so I walked in to the first coffeeshop I saw in the town centre. Guess who? Starbucks! I rattled off my usual order (which, when ordering at Starbucks, consists of around fifteen abbreviated words in various languages, including pig latin), and the limey behind the counter just stared in silence, only to reenter the real world when the little strand of drool he was secreteing hit his shirt front. I repeated my order, thinking it must be the accent, but they just didn’t get it. I looked at the menu and realized there were only like six choices of coffee and a selection of fruit smoothies. WTF?
If Starbucks is going to spoil me by filling my coffee so full of sugar and chocolate that I don’t realize what a disgusting and harmful habit I’ve cultivated, the least they could do is maintain brand consistency when they branch out overseas.
I was so pissed off that they didn’t have my drink, that I stormed out and went to Caribou!
(Ok, so there’s no Caribou in Oxford, but the rest is true.)
» People who Deserve a Tip by Battle of the Sexes the Virgin said this
[…] In America(51)When it is morally acceptable to hit a woman… 
51)Hold Me!!! Why Do You Always Just Go to Sleep After Sex?!?(49)Fat Fucks and Carb Counters(46)Bucking Starfucks(42)Fuck France - AnotherWhy France Sucks(39) Latest comments: Christopher Honestly I’m sure she act..(Go)Christine Okay, let me clarify for the 10..(Go)Christine Yeah, yeah, yeah…Well obviously communication is..(Go)Kevin I tend to wonder if he is resig..(Go)Christine Don’t you just love him??..(Go)Christopher or like another whiny waitressI tip cabbies also… (a) i..(Go)Christopher Katie.. we don’t talk tha..(Go)Christine I tip cabbies (a) if they don&#..(Go) Top Commenters Christine(577) […]
Mara the Peacemaker asserted
As old as this post is, I have to say that Starbucks is definitely trendy. It’s like the cool coffeehouse on your college campus…suddenly people who can’t pronounce cappucino are coffee buffs (I know this since I worked all 4 undergrad years at the cool college coffeehouse). But the ignorance of some people really comes to light when they order. For example, a girl once ordered a tall (well, we had small where I worked, but whatever) quadruple shot mocha. When I gave her the drink, she complained that it was “too strong.” I told her “well, you ordered 4 shots of espresso.” She looks at me blankly. “Okay, well that’s almost half of that cup you’re holding there.” More blank stares. She never did get it. But that’s not all…the people who actually work there are just as clueless. When I was allowed to drink caffeine (oh how I miss) it, I would order a grande vanilla cappucino from Starbucks. This was not because I like trendy drinks…I wanted the caffeine jolt of the espresso but I can’t stand the way it tastes so I have to mask it with something sweet. Fine, whatever. Some use sugar, I use Torani syrups. But the people behind the counter were always confused. “You mean you want a latte?” No, I want a cappucino with a shot of vanilla syrup. “But that’s a latte.” No, just make a cappucino with a shot of vanilla. “I don’t understand. We don’t sell that. We sell vanilla lattes.” Grrr. Sooo irritating.
And to prove my point, I went in the other day to order a decaf version of the same drink (oh how I miss my caffeine ) and the girl asked me if I wanted foam. Sigh.
Christopher the Pyro mentioned
You can’t drink caffeine?
Mara the Peacemaker hunt n' pecked this
Not anymore
Mara the Peacemaker stated
And I’m really not supposed to have the decaf either…
Christine the Lioness asserted
It’s probably a lot healthier that you don’t drink caffeine. I’ve pretty much weened myself off of it and honestly, I feel better without the artificial stimulant that basically only makes you more alert and nervous for a little while, then makes you more tired than you were before. It also stimulates your appetite, but doesn’t stimulate your metabolism (bad combo).
It’s nice to know though that I’m not the only one who deals with retards on a daily basis. Like the other day, I took my dry cleaning in to a place I’d never gone before (hooray for coupons), and here’s how this went down:
Girl Behind the Counter: Dropping off or picking up? (I was holding two very wrinkled pairs of pants wadded up in my hand).
Me: Dropping off.
GBTC: Name?
Me: Christine.
GBTC: What is it?
Me: Christine. With a C-H.
GBTC: Huh?
Me: C-H-R-I-S-T-I-N-E.
GBTC: C-H-I-S…?
Me: (very slowly, as if teaching the letters to a four year old and giving him time to trace them on that really big paper that has the two thick blue lines and a pink dotted line in the middle) C. H. R. I. S. T. I. N. E.
GBTC: Oh. Kristen.
Me: Uh, yeah.
So she continues to ring up the ticket and when she hands it to me, I look down and see she’s spelled my name… “Cristen.”
As I walk out, I silently thank God for the type of person who is willing to employ someone like that so that my taxes aren’t supporting her dumb ass on welfare. Then I curse the public school system in L.A. At least I got to use my coupon…
Christopher the Pyro got all philosophical
My kids are going to school in Nebraska where they teach spelling….
Mara the Peacemaker quibbed this
Oh, I’m sure it’s a lot healthier though I cannot say that I feel better — well, relatively speaking, I do. The stupidity of some Starbucks employees is really confounding because supposedly they have to go through “special training.” So why they cannot figure out that one can make a vanilla cappucino by simply adding the syrup is beyond me. It isn’t rocket science. But when the girl asked me if I wanted foam, I was done. I think I just stared at her in confusion for five seconds.
Trouble the Pirate spake, and sayeth
My coffee is delivered personally by Juan Valdez… And the burro…
Mara the Peacemaker mentioned
Trouble, you’re the shit. I want to be like you when I grow up
ProphetJoe the Irreverent remarked
Trouble said: “My coffee is delivered personally by Juan Valdez… And the burro…”
That ain’t coffee, bro, it’s hot burro piss! 
I find it ironic that ‘topher laments the Starbucks culture. He (and his cronies) are to blame for it’s very popularity! It is, after all, just plain coffee with a great big dose of successful marketing added!!
Christopher the Pyro commented
True True True.
Christine the Lioness scribbled
In reality, Christopher already knows that, and he buys the cheapest, shittiest coffee he can. If it weren’t for his caffeine addiction, he’d never step foot into a Starbucks.
Mara the Peacemaker got all philosophical
And it’s not even GREAT coffee.
Christopher the Pyro commented
Starbucks is shit coffee also lots of caffeine.. I’ve yet to ever be impressed by a cup of coffee however I am open to the idea.
Names and emails are required (emails aren't displayed), url's are optional.
