Chivalry - Don’t Let it Die, Dammit!

Posted on April 5th, 2005 by Christine.
Categories: Pissed Off & Proud of It, Sex and Relationships.

While I can?t stand traditional gender roles, I?m a big proponent of chivalry. Some might say that sounds hypocritical, but it?s not. I think chivalrous behavior on a man?s part shows that he respects women in general, the woman he?s with, and that he was raised right?just like having good manners. Being chivalrous to a girl in public doesn?t mean she is your slave at home, and any man or woman who thinks chivalrous behavior communicates that is just being asinine. Women who were raised well will accept a man?s chivalrous actions graciously and with appreciation. While equality is obviously important, men and women are not, and never will be the same. Equal, but different is okay. Chivalry is a way to acknowledge these differences respectfully.

So if you?re a guy/girl who?s clueless about this (and don?t want to be), read on… I actually went to finishing school and learned this, so I?m here to educate you.

For the Guys:
Yes, we have arms. But you still need to open doors for us.
This includes doors to restaurants, movie theaters, and cars. This shows the woman (and the world) that you respect her. I?ve heard that some women complain about this… and that makes me want to kick their whiny, bitchy asses because they want to ruin it for the rest of us. Girls, if a guy opens a door for you, the correct response is ?Thank you,? because he?s being thoughtful and you should appreciate a thoughtful man since there aren?t so many out there.

For the Ladies:
Yes, you can speak. That doesn?t mean you have to.
When you?re out with a guy and he opens the restaurant door for you, you need to also show respect by letting him do the talking when you reach the host/hostess. When they ask for a name, let him give his. You don?t need to jump in and speak for him.

For the Guys:
Yes, you know where you?re going. But you should still let her walk in front of you.
When the host/hostess leads you to the table, she goes first, and you walk behind. She also chooses the seat where she wants to sit, you let her sit first, and then you sit. Besides, this isn?t all that bad… walking behind her allows you to check out her ass and she won?t complain.

For the Ladies:
Yes, he?s probably checking out your ass. Deal with it.
If that makes you self-conscious order a salad and join a gym tomorrow.

For the Guys:
When it?s time to give the waiter/waitress your order, order for her.
It should go something like this, ?She?ll have the filet mignon with a baked potato, and I?ll have the porterhouse with fries.? When the waiter asks how she?d like her steak done, if you don?t know, let her answer directly. The strictest rules of etiquette (we?re talking Emily Post here) say that she should direct her answer to you and you should repeat it to the server. That?s a bit extreme and unnecessary, but if she does, then repeat her answer to the server.

For the Ladies:
Yes, the waiter also knows you can speak. That still doesn?t mean you have to.
He?s taking care of you. It?s a good thing. Let him. No one thinks that you can?t talk because you let the guy order for you. By shutting up, you?re communicating that you accept that he?s in charge (so to say) of both of you, and that communicates respect for him. He just respected you by opening the door for you, walking behind you, and letting you sit first. Now it?s your turn to show that you respect him.

For the Guys:
Yes, you do have to pay attention to her glass.
In really nice restaurants, the server or wine steward should be on top of this. Even if you order a bottle of wine and it sits at your table, the waiter/waitress should be the one to pour it. That?s not always the case. If it?s not, then you should pay attention to when her glass is getting low, ask her if she wants more, and then pour it for her. Pour your?s after you pour her?s. If she says she doesn?t want any more wine, then only pour for yourself.

For the Guys:
Yes, we know you?re hungry, but you might have to take a break and stand up.
If she needs to get up during the meal (to use the restroom or something), you should stand up first, wait for her to leave the table, and then sit back down. Likewise, when she returns, stand up, wait for her to sit down, and then seat yourself.

For the Ladies:
Yes, you do need to let him know where you?re going.
If you need to get up from the table to use the bathroom or check your teeth or whatever, you need to tell him that is your intention before you get up. In response, he should stand up first and wait until you walk away from the table before sitting down again.

For the Ladies:
Yes, he?s springing for an expensive dinner. You don?t need to know exactly how much it cost him.
When the bill comes, and he is paying, do not look at it. You don?t need to know how much he?s spending or how much he tipped. Just be gracious and thank him once he signs the check.

For the Guys:
Yes, she learned how to put on her own coat in pre-school. You should still help her with it.
It?s just a show of respect. Take her coat from her and hold it up so she can put it on easily. She should then wait for you to put on your coat.

For the Guys:
We know that the chances of a motorist losing control and running her down are pretty slim, but you should still walk on the outside.
When walking down the street, men are supposed to walk on the outside and women on the inside (further from the street). This was originally to protect her, but the truth is, if a car careened off the street and onto the sidewalk, you?ll both end up dead anyway. So even though it?s not practical, it?s still a nice gesture. Actually, there?s nothing ?practical? about any of this… but we do impractical things all the time (like stopping at stop signs when we can see that no one else is coming from other directions)… but that?s another topic altogether.

Bottom line is this… guys who know how to treat a woman are impressive (because a lot of guys don’t know this stuff). Remember the golden rule of what women want… women only want other women to envy them. If you treat her like a princess while you’re out, she’ll know other women are jealous because she’s with a guy who rocks, and their dates are pathetic.

The results will be worth the trouble. I promise. When a guy treats a girl like a princess in public, she’s more much more likely to be his whore in private.

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