Less then 24 Hours.. ummmm I think until Christine is back home YEAH!
Now those of you who read our blog on a regular basis know I’m a very… forgiving person and generally super easy going… I’m gracious and generious with my time and effort for all kinds of things… and while Christine was gone my patience with her and my generousity toward her was serverly tested on multiple occassions and not just by the cute asian sisters who keep comming to my apartment everyday trying to sell me magazines…. ANYWAY before I dig myself any deeper of a hole let me get on with retelling the trials of the last few weeks.
First without Christine here to cook for me or force me to take her out on a nightly basis I’ve dropped weight like a crack addict.. ok maybe not that bad but 5 lbs in two weeks is quite a bit.. now of course I must admit this could be due to the fact she hasn’t been here to clean my house, I’m living in complete filth and there is an excellent chance I contracted a tape worm or some other horrible parisite…
Secondly she assigned me to take care of her plants and flowers.. ok people SERIOUSLY.. if it was like 2 plants it would be no Christine has a jungle at her house it’s a SERIOUS invest me of my time… 4 trips 30 minutes each if everything goes planned, of course it doesn’t. The devil (Christine) decided to write the instructions (yes she has so many plants instructions are needed.. and it’s very detailed)… anyway she writes the instructions for this chore on COLORED PAPER.. not like regular colored paper, but DYED color paper that is the dividers from Kinko’s the extra bright stuff.. anyway during a momentarly brain lock.. I sat the paper down on her countertop which was wet from me cleaning it for her earlier.. (yes I was being nice and cleaning up her kitchen a little)… anyway that’s the last time I’ll be nice in that regard… so I walked out.. watered the plants and then left. I come back 3 days later for the next session, take everything off the countertop and there is a PINK / RED STAIN the size of a half of piece of paper.. now seriously this shit is no joke .. Christine has gone in to convulsions over $14 tee-shirts from target that I spilled bbq sause on.. messing up her house.. could very well be my death sentence… I immediatly dial every woman I know on the planet for the means to clean this… I even resorted to calling my asian friends incase they had any secret asian formula’s that might save the day… Amazingly..nothing worked.. NOTHING.. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.. let things soak on it.. it took a total of 2 more trips with more chemicals before the counter top was returned to a somewhat normal state… all told.. the 2 hours I should have spent cleaning her house… ended up being around 5 hours. That is 5 hours I could have spent working on CvC, tipping sluts at the Jet Strip (j/k chrissy), or sleeping..
Now being in Canada must be seriously mentally hard.. because Christine has been action a little more.. lets say.. “stressed out” then normal.. and when say I say “stressed out” I mean….. well I think eveybody knows how Christine get’s when she is upset.. I’ve got the scars to prove it.. and the stories. Anyway the daily conversations went a lot like this..
Christine: I miss you can’t wait to see you again.. I need dick
Christine: I can’t wait to see you
Christine: I just don’t think I can date someone with your moral values
Christine: I wish I was with you soooo bad
Christine: We are too different for each other
Now generally.. I’ve learned to just ignore the good and the bad things Christine say’s to me.. because well she isn’t consistent.. so I just assume she means something in the middle and I’m cool with being average so it’s all good… ok so I made the mistake of finally responding after a few hours of being beat up over raising the possiblity that intergration had hurt our school system as a whole… and I say.. “Ya maybe we shouldn’t see each other any…”
Christine: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, I KNEW YOU WOULD DO THIS, good good bye I’m going out to fuck a couple guys tonight, GOOOD BYEEEEEEEE.
Christopher: Baby, I was going to say..
Christine: FUCK YOU, you said it..
Christopher: Are you going to let me finish…
Christine: FUCK NO..
Now.. of course once the hijackers let go of her brain.. she calmed.. like she always does.. informed me she doesn’t want to go get gangbanged and felt incredibly sorry.. for being a little “loopy” and of course I forgave her because … well really it doesn’t phase me anymore.. it’s like the comming and goings of the seasons.. you can’t quite predict when they will start.. but after winter always comes spring. Just wait it out and it will be all good.
So am I glad Christine is comming home?? Fucking right I am…. I just don’t think I can handle the stress of keeping her plants alive another 3 weeks.