Christine’s Idea for Making the World a Better Place…

Posted on February 17th, 2006 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious.

So several months ago, I came up with my theory on how to make speeding tickets fair for everyone and some people liked it, and some didn’t.

I’ve come up with a sure-fire way to make the world a better place (even though this theory is much more ethereal than the other one).

Let’s say that every person, on the day they turn 21 (I picked that age somewhat arbitrarily, but since American society has deemed you’re wise enough to drink at that age, I will use it for the purpose of my post as well)… so on the day you turn 21, you get three miniature laser guns. Whenever you point one of these guns at someone and pull the trigger, they die. But you can only use each one once. And as long as you kill with your special laser gun, there are no legal repercussions of killing the person. In addition, the guns can’t be sold and are ineffective if someone who isn’t the original recipient tries to use them.

Here’s what I think we would accomplish with this plan…

1. Everyone would be a lot nicer to each other. No more road rage, no more rude waiters, no more bosses thinking its okay to just shit all over their employees. You never know when you let your dog take a crap on someone else’s lawn if that person still has a couple laser guns stashed away and ready to use on you. Everyone would generally be much more respectful of each other.

2. Impulsive assholes who kill someone for something really trite, would probably have a very short life. If some prick laser guns you because you looked at his girlfriend wrong, one of your friends would probably laser gun him for revenge and this would systematically get rid of the people who are too hot-headed to handle the responsibility of being a productive member of society.

3. Wise people would save their laser guns and only use them when it was really, really necessary… like the day someone breaks into your house and tries to rob you. You could laser gun the robber, and we’d all save lots of time and money trying to arrest him, then try him, then incarcerate him, then waiting for him to do it again after he’s out on parole just to start the process over.

Anyway… I realize the theory is not perfect. It needs a little refining. But I think it’s a good way to instantly fix a lot of problems in the world and make sure everyone thinks twice about their own behavior toward other people before acting like complete jerks.

Whaddya think?

19 comments.

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Haas the Addict asserted

Hv you heard of a saying “Eye for an Eye only makes the world blind”…
Well after thousands of years of evolution all of em hv WMDs stacked away(atleast some do)… and handing out guns to ppl… well, say ur byes coz humans will be extinct sooner

February 17th, 2006

Ben the Kingpin mentioned

Everyone gets to kill three people?
So, the entire world has the ability to kill 3x the current population?
And all these murders make the world a “better” place?
“Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for another.”

February 17th, 2006

Christine the Lioness thought this

I don’t see that many people laying down their lives for others these days… hell… I don’t even see people showing other people much respect. The point is… if you knew that someone could whip out a laser gun and kill you without any repercussion, I think people would be much less likely to be assholes to each other. People would think twice before they abuse their wives, scream obscenities at the car in front of them for driving too slow, or molest someone’s kid. So yeah… I think most people wouldn’t feel the need to use their little laser guns because people would actually treat each other well.

February 17th, 2006

aJ the Zen Master mentioned

How many times over do you think bush would dead? P

February 18th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro added

Well some people would have to be exept since for example the president is always pretty much hated by half the country. )

February 18th, 2006

Christine the Lioness penned this

Yes, that’s true. We would need some exemption rules like that or we’d never have a president…

February 18th, 2006

Haas the Addict commented

How bout movie stars or sports personalities… Lets say u watch a movie that u thought sucked and decided to use a laser shot to make sure no more such movies came out… or your team loses and you decide the opposite teams star player is worth a laser shot.
Whatever you say Christine… fear is not the way to change the world.

February 18th, 2006

aJ the Zen Master got all philosophical

And killing is never an answer. I was just giving an example of the President.
To make it a little more broader, what about the Pope? Or, if Mother Teresa was still alive?
Yes people _might_ fear repercussions towards themselves if they make use of their laser. But then, would it also not be an extension, albeit on a smaller scale of all the suicide bombers? I mean, they kill 3 ppl in some world summit. Mission accomplished. Come and shoot me now, like I care!

February 19th, 2006

aJ the Zen Master spake, and sayeth

Sigh.. Don’t bother. I’m getting to serious about what should have been taken much more lightly..
I really need sleep |-)

February 19th, 2006

Christine the Lioness asserted

You’re not the only one aJ… I guess a lot of people are taking this much more seriously than I intended it… -) I think maybe Christopher is the only one who got the joke.

February 19th, 2006

Christine 2 the Mercenary chimed in with

This is crazy…for obvious reasons. Amusing, nonetheless. d /

February 19th, 2006

Splendored the Groupie quibbed this

Um, you do realize if this went into effect at any point in the last 20 years, Christopher would most definitely not be with us today. d

February 21st, 2006

eric the Lil' Devil spake, and sayeth

christine i just picked up my laser gun and will lease it out three times for cash or playboy centerfold housecalls!, i like the idea

February 21st, 2006

Christine the Lioness penned this

1. It is not “crazy” and I’m glad my theory is finally garnering some support (even though Eric missed that part where it is rendered useless if given to anyone else… sorry, Eric. Besides… do you think there are that many Playmates that want to kill someone???)

2. So Splendored has money on the fact that if my theory worked, Christopher would be completely absent from our lives… hrmmm… interesting thought. At least it would eliminate the chance of me stabbing him and going to jail, although most of you agreed I would be too smart to get caught. Thanks, ya’ll. -)

3. You are all focusing way too much on the death aspect here. It’s really more about an incentive to be nice. Am I the only one with faith in mankind? Do I need to start quoting Nietsche??? -)

February 21st, 2006

Christopher the Pyro uttered

Look everybody.. when you all hear why I havn’t been able to post in the last few days.. you will realize that I would be locking myself in my place with my gun pointed at the door waiting for Christine enter so I could finally live a day without working about her injuring me in some serious kind of way…

February 21st, 2006

Christine the Lioness mentioned

When he says “gun,” he means the controller for his X-box. And when he says “injuring me,” he actually means “beating me.” Basically, it’s just an excuse to not do shit and play Halo 2 all day long… after all… we all know what happened with racquetball. -)

February 21st, 2006

Christine 2 the Mercenary thought this

I want to add another way we can make this world better. Let’s all rally together and each send the president a bag of pretzels. d

February 21st, 2006

aJ the Zen Master quibbed this

Stuffed with ex-lax )
Hopefully it’ll get all his shit out in one shot D

February 21st, 2006

Christine the Lioness remarked

) )

February 22nd, 2006

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