Christopher’s Restaurant Rules

Posted on August 28th, 2007 by Christopher.
Categories: Pissed Off & Proud of It.

I love eating out, especially with Christine.. the idea of someone slaving over a hot stove to cook me my country friend chicken while I admire Christine’s cleavage is great for my ego and stress levels. HOWEVER certain restaurants have certain issues that just piss me off for example some restaurants have a policy that whenever any of their customers has a birthday the whole wait staff runs over and sings happy birthday. Who the fuck started this dumb ass idea, first like I really give a flying fuck that it’s somebody else’s birthday.. (I hardly notice my own), second it is not ok to disturb my relaxing evening with your horrible rendition of “Happy Birthday”. Alright… Alight it might be cute if your an 80 year old Grandma, but seriously if your under 80 quit embarrassing yourself… are you really that hard up for attention that you need a bunch of off key food servers singing to you?

I also really hate places that do things half ass and can’t listen to simple instructions. For example when you specifically ask for dressing on the side and dressing comes on your salad, or no tomato & lettuce on my burger and they put it on a plate and bring it separate… I said.. NO FUCKING TOMATO OR LETTUCE WTF, do you really think I want to take it off the plate and put it on my burger, do you think I was mistaken and didn’t understand what I was saying when I said no Tomato & lettuce … fucking deeps dweebs I especially don’t like it when I ask for Ice Coffee and they bring me warm old coffee with ice on the side. Finally at all costs do not ignore Christine or not pay attention to her when she is talking, especially if she is asking for something or telling you how she wants something, this will cause me to call you a fagot and hurt your feelings.. which will lead to Christine lecturing me about my insensitively toward inferior people and putting me in an even worst mood.

Want more things that really gets my blood boiling? OK here… when I am stuffing my face and the wait staff waits until that exact moment to ask me how everything is.. how do they expect me to answer…? My mouth is full… they pick this inopportune time so they can assume everything is just great and leave.. I personally hate this so I grab them by the arm before they can run off… slowly finish chewing… and then proceed to give a 15 minute critique about the food.. and when I finish ask for a new meal because they interrupted me and caused mine to go cold.

What about coming up with a system that you pay accordingly for how satisfied with your dinning experience you are…. that would kick ass right? This way you can you can deduct for each annoyance… flat soda -$1.00, ugly waitress… -$5.00, screaming child that was not throw out… - $10.00. di I bet dinning out experience would improve a whole hell of a lot.

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