Future Headlines 2036
- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formly known as California.
- White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
- Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afg hanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
- Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
- France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
- 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
- Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
- Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.
- Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
- Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts
- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
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I’ve already made my Nostradamus-like prediction about the future of the US… Dammit, where’s my .45?
(funny post, though (y) )
lol
Hi, I just found your blog the other day and I gotta tell ya I’m laughing my as_ off.
the best site I read all month. Can’t wait for the next post
After my weekend I really needed a GOOD LAUGH!!! Thank you!!!!!! (y)
(they like you, Chris, they really like you)
(y)