Christine the Lioness (3118)
Christopher the Pyro (1985)
ProphetJoe the Irreverent (1216)
Trouble the Pirate (592)
Keith the Director (573)
Mara the Peacemaker (527)
eric the Lil' Devil (351)
AJ the Zen Master (305)
Ben the Kingpin (213)
Haas the Addict (187)
Christine 2 the Mercenary (131) Lei the Mercenary (124) Katie the Mercenary (115)
Ben2 the Soldier (56) Christopher the Pyro hunt n' pecked this
Just for the record I think Christine is completey full of shit and talking out of her ass on this one. I may someday decide to answer point by point but I think she is just ranting to rant. IMHO.
Christine the Lioness commented
Christopher often thinks I’m talking out of my ass when I disagree with any opinion he might have, and he finds me to be brilliant when I do agree (which is a rarity… but sometimes he actually makes a good point).
The truth is… Christopher honestly believes that women were put here on earth to cook, clean, and take care of him… and the idea that a woman might not be down for that scares the shit out of him. But then again… most Republican men have a hard time dealing with strong women who don’t blindly buy into their bullshit simply because they’re a man… so I can’t blame him.
Christopher the Pyro spake, and sayeth
Actually that wasn’t the part I had a problem with. I think that divorce rates were much lower 50 years ago and I don’t think “many” men leave their wives for younger women. If anything the fact that women are more well off now adays encourages men to not really worry to much about their families.
Christopher the Pyro commented
So my point was that I don’t think families or women are better off now aday’s at all. I think children suffer that they don’t have one parent around I think marriage suffer because couples have less time for each other. It has nothing to do with having a women to cook or clean.. that is what a maid is for. Christine knows that I really don’t mind a strong willed woman and I would much ratehr have a women who does her own thing then bothers the shit out of me about every little thing or who puts her issues on me continually. I really could care less what a women or anybody else does with their life as long as it doesn’t affect me. Do I like when a girl cooks me a good meal.. hell ya.. does Christine like when a guy puts furniture together for her..?? hell ya. So she is just off doing the double standard thing again and trying to make a controvery out of nothing.
Christine the Lioness stated
Actually, I agree with Christopher’s points. I think people now see divorce as an easy out, so they don’t really have to put effort into keeping a marriage going. And that’s a very sad statement.
Of course I appreciate it when a man helps me put furniture together, carries something heavy for me, fixes my computer (’cause I’m really bad at that)… it would take me twice as long and use twice as much effort for me to do that than it does for him to do that. And when I’m better than a guy at cooking something, I’m happy to do that for him because it takes me less time and effort than it would take him. And there’s nothing wrong with men and women liking to do nice things for each other.
My point is that I think relationships work out a lot better when each person can take care of him/herself and appreciates the other when he/she does something for them. Sometimes expectations get in the way of gratitude, and that’s when people feel unappreciated. When you don’t expect things, you appreciate them more when you get them.
Christopher the Pyro added
Of course you agree with me, I knew eventually you would see the errors of your ways.
Christine the Lioness mentioned
Jesus Christ. Do you see what I put up with?
Let this be proof of just how much women are willing to tolerate if a guy can make them climax six times in the same session…
DiogenesFreed the Virgin chimed in with
Christine knows that I really don?t mind a strong willed woman and I would much ratehr have a women who does her own thing then bothers the shit out of me about every little thing or who puts her issues on me continually. I really could care less what a women or anybody else does with their life as long as it doesn?t affect me.That’s kind of the issue isn’t it? I too have worked all of my life (my husband stayed home with our son when he was small). I am now single and probably will be for the rest of my life. My working isn’t the problem. My cooking isn’t the problem (I’m a decent cook). I take care of myself, my house, my car, all of life’s little responsibilities. But when I meet a man, he wants me to fit completely into his life without disturbing it. My time must be geared around his needs - always. The worst part, though, is that most of those quasi-relationships go south for one and only one reason - I have the temerity to have an opinion. Asking a woman you are in a relationship with to have no effect on your life is akin to saying you may sleep here, you may have sex with me, and you may cook whatever you like, just don’t get in the way of my good time.Any colour - so long as it’s black. — Henry Ford
Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this
I completely agree with you, DiogenesFreed… well-written, I might add. A relationship is about two people making decisions together that are best for them as a couple…
So many men I’ve met have this life plan laid out in their head and they want a woman who can just be plugged into the that picture. I actually dated a guy that asked me after three months if I’d be willing to raise our kids Jewish (because he was)… my answer was, “What makes you think I’m even going to marry you or have kids?” And his response was that he didn’t want to move forward in his relationship with me unless I’d be willing to do that… so, despite the fact that he really dug me, I didn’t fit into his “life plan.” I’ve realized that life plans are pretty much a bunch of shit. You can plan all you want, but life will take you places you never expected to go…
I think most men see having a woman in their life as a goal to be completed… buy a house, get a wife, etc. They don’t really want to be in a relationship with someone because that entails compromise, sacrifice, effort, and at times, putting the needs of the other person first. They want a woman who will simply support whatever they want to do– so that she’s the one who will make the sacrifices, and put his interests first. As long as she’s doing that, they’re happy… and when she’s not happy, they can’t figure out why… they just think they’ve married the wrong woman.
I’d like to believe there are some men out there who really do want a relationship in the truest sense of the word.
Christopher the Pyro stated
I completely disagree with both of you ladies. Relationships are not about making decisions together.. compremises mean that nobody is happy it will eventually tear the relationship apart. People must be willing to allow the other person free rein and to let them do whatever they want otherwise it just doesn’t work. I also don’t think it is a probalby if a man or woman wants to know if someone fits into their life plan… that is alright also… women do the same thing it is not just a guy thing.. you can’t really dig someone if they have a fatal flaw atleast guy was considerate of Christine to ask her if she would be willing and he didn’t just assume she would be. A relationship is neither about having someone that supports you unconditionallly in all matters nor is it about compremise a real relationship is not about either of those it is about having someone you trust very much in your life when they don’t support you there is a good reason when they do you can trust that it good stuff.
Christine the Lioness spake, and sayeth
That’s a load of crap, Christopher. Relationships are all about compromises. If you get married and say 10 years down the line, your wife gets a job transfer to another state where you don’t want to live. She wants to take the job. You don’t. Or her parents get ill and she wants to move to the state where they live and you don’t. Does a marriage just end because no one should have to compromise??? That’s ridiculous. If neither person ever compromises, then there are a million things that will ultimately break up a marriage. Any time two people are together, they won’t always agree on everything. It’s very self-centered for each person to just do what he/she wants. Prioritizing what’s best for the couple over each partner’s individual happiness is what keeps people together. When you’re just concerned about what you want, you will eventually want to walk away when she/he doesn’t agree with you.
And btw– if a woman had asked a guy three months into dating him how he planned on raising their children, he’d run for the hills thinking she was needy and psycho. When a man does it, it’s just being honest. That’s another load of bullshit.
DiogenesFreed the Virgin remarked
Well, I hate to get in the middle of this again, but I feel that I must say to Christopher that women compromise all the time. In fact we get to the point that our “requirements” boil down to single and breathing. Some of us (particularly the younger variety) can be very superficial, but on the whole, a woman begins the process of compromising with a man from the moment that they meet. That said, I don’t think that’s entirely a bad thing. In the grand scheme of things, a woman has to make some compromises; those that don’t - ever - and then find the relationship ending, have only themselves to blame. I’m not asserting that men are deficient or should change in some dramatic way, but do be realistic about the situation. Not all men are the same, nor are all women. But to say that “Relationships are not about making decisions together.. compremises mean that nobody is happy” simply means that you aren’t aware of them, not that they don’t exist.
Christopher the Pyro said this
Ya Ya,
Obviously I need to explain myself more clearly. ok… look if I ever get married it will be to a woman I love very much, someone I would have no issue at all moving across the country for her or anything else for that matter. I know this for a fact. Moving would be ok with me because I love her and she is more important to me then whatever was keeping me in Los Angeles. So if I finally snapped and couldn’t take LA traffic anymore and I decided to move.. to let’s say.. Chicago, if the woman I was married to or who said she loved me, would have to decide if I was more important to her then Los Angeles. That’s pretty simple, I think this works both ways, I can tell you for sure without a doubt I would move for my wife if it was important to her to get way from Los Angeles or to get her, but since I would also be important to her she would know that maybe I wouldn’t be ok with it. When I said we need to do what is best for us I wasn’t really refering to these MAJOR events, those realy can’t be planned.. what I was refering to was things like me wanting my wife to be home at a certain time or me wanting dinner cooked or she wanting me to go shopping with her. I would really need to be able to find happiness even tho she isn’t there, and she would need to be happy that I’m not going to go shopping with her. As for Christine’s comment that a girl can’t ask a guy something important 3 months into a relationshp but it’s ok for the guy to do.. personally I really think guys would like to know early on if there is a major thing like raising your kids jewish I know it wouldn’t freak me out and I think it is a legit question.
Now Freed
MEN compromise all the time also, and my point really was that everybody should stop compromising so damn much about everything because that ruins alot of relationships also. I really don’t believe this shit that women compromise form the second they meet a man, if you do that that is YOUR issue, not mine and not mens. I really can’t handle victim mentality if you dont’ want to be e victim then don’t compromise that was my point! Your right int he grand scheme of things we all compromise and we are all unhappy at times, some of us more then others. If nobody ever compromised then yes the relationshp does eventually end, but the problem also arises when one person always compromises which is just as bad, and it will eventually end a relationship also. The very definiition of a compromise is a solution that leads to something neither party is 100% happy with, so that isn’t an ideal.
DiogenesFreed the Virgin added
You were doing so well until the last paragraph. It was mean-spirited of you to imply that I subscribe to the victim mentality to make your point. There was nothing in my earlier post that nearly suggested such a thing. You owe me an apology.
Christopher the Pyro chimed in with
Freed,
“women compromise all the time”, “but on the whole, a woman begins the process of compromising with a man from the moment that they meet”, I didn’t mean to offend you but those phrases seemed somewhat victimish to me, if you don’t want to compromise then don’t! 
I mean if it really bothers you then don’t.. I wasn’t trying to single you out I was trying to say women in general so I do apoligize I wasn’t trying to be mean spirted with you.
Christine the Lioness added
DiogenesFreed…
Don’t be offended. Christopher accuses me of having a victim mentality any time I point out an inequity or double standard. He’s not trying to be mean-spirited… he’s just clueless.
The boy clearly gets by on his looks. 
Christopher the Pyro penned this
After listening to Christine go on about this last night I’ve finally decided that there are no double standards or inequities in the world.. just whinny little girls.
Christine the Lioness thought this
Christopher often confuses “whining” and “moaning.” “Moaning” is what I do when I break out my favorite toy… “whining” is what I do when I realize I don’t have any more AA batteries.
Christopher the Pyro penned this
Moaning is what hurts my neighbors ears and whining is what hurts mine.
Ryan the Virgin spake, and sayeth
A man asking a woman how they are going to raise their kids in only three months is looking for a way out of the relationship.
Christine the Lioness uttered
Ryan, I would have thought so too… but it happened the night after he introduced me to his parents (I think parental introduction is a big thing for both genders), so I think he was serious.
Josh the Virgin remarked
Okay, as much as I hate to take sides against my own gender?I actually have to say that I agree with Christine on this one; particularly with regards to the expectations argument. My last girlfriend was the type of person that just expected everything, and thus the fact that I did all those little expected things meant nothing to her. She was always complaining that I wasn?t romantic enough, or that I didn?t do romantic things for her. Now, in my opinion, romance is in the details, not simply in the enormous gestures. Don?t get me wrong, the huge gestures can be very romantic, but to consider them the only means by which someone can be romantic and thus require them all the time is just unrealistic. By harboring such unreasonable expectations, she completely overlooked the gratuitous nature of my actions. When the actions are expected, they can?t be a gift; to her they?re just how things should be, and thus I believe she was just completely missing an entire level of the relationship. I did all those little things for her because I loved her and cared for her, not just because I owed her since she was gracious enough to allow me to be her boyfriend?shame she didn?t understand that.
Oh, and as for the definition of compromise?although you can look at it as ?a solution that leads to something neither party is 100% happy with,? it can also be seen as ?a means by which both parties at least partially get their way.? I guess it just depends on how you want to spin it.
Christopher the Pyro remarked
Josh.. Josh Josh…
Ok, I’m glad you got out of the relationship while you could.. “she was gracioius enough to allow you to be her boyfriend” if you were here, I would slap you upside the head. That road goes both ways and it’ sounds like your x had serious high matience issues… which I hope is the reason she is your x.
As for compromises.. well honestly.. look at it like this, either you are both kind of unhappy all the time or some of the time one o fyou is really happy and the other person can be happy that she / he is doing something to make the other person really happy.. that is what I think works best.
Christine the Lioness added
Josh… Thanks for listening to what I was saying… I think the example you pointed out about your ex-girlfriend illustrates what I was talking about. I learned a long time ago that you need to appreciate your boyfriend/girlfriend for the things they do (even the teensy weensy little ones) instead of the things you want them to do. If you only assign meaning to the things that you think are romantic in your mind, you’re setting your signicant other up for failure… and you’re probably missing a whole host of things your partner is doing because he/she cares about you and wants to do them for you. Once you start to expect those things, you no longer will feel as cared about, and the person doing them will no longer feel his/her actions are appreciated. I disagree with Christopher when he said your ex was high-maintenance. Maybe she was… but nothing you said in your comment indicated that to me. I think maybe she just didn’t realize how this all works… because it took me a while to figure it out. I did the same kind of thing to my ex… he did sweet things for me, but in my head I always compared them to things I thought he should do to show me he cared. It made me feel like I was getting jipped, and he felt unsuccessful. Bad for both of us. The key is to realize that no one is obligated to do anything for you and when they choose to do something, it’s because they wanted to and that in and of itself, should make you feel cared about. The same goes in reverse.
With regards to the compromise thing… I agree with you. I don’t think that just because something is a compromise, that both parties are doomed to be unhappy about it. I’ve been happy with compromises many times because (1) I don’t feel that things will work out only if done the way I wanted them to be done, and (2) I feel a lot of overall satisfaction from knowing that I would willingly give up what I want for my partner and he would willingly give up for me and that furthers the relationship and makes us a better team from having gone through that process, than any one single little decision that we had to compromise on.
Deb the Virgin scribbled
My head hurts…
Christine the Lioness chimed in with
Christopher has that effect on me as well, Deb.
Christopher the Pyro up'n wrote this
OMG at least your ears don’t hurt!
Dawn the Virgin said this
I don’t think I even want to touch this subject
BetaCandy the Virgin mentioned
This is a great read. From the original post, I picked up on one particular comment: “The exact things they like about you are the things they want you to give up.” So very true. Although the urge to find a mate and then change him or her is not limited to guys, so it may be a bad human tendency rather than a bad male tendency.
In all cases, it’s a problem.
Great site - I blogmarked it!
Christine the Lioness penned this
Thanks, Beta. I agree with your comment completely… women tend to try to change their mates too. And yes, it’s a problem for both sexes.
fishtail the Virgin hunt n' pecked this
Very interesting read! Plus the comments as well! I bumped into this blog by accident, but shall definitely revisit.
Christine the Lioness pontificated
Fishtail… I’m sure you will revisit our site when you run out of your own original ideas to blog about. I guess imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery, isn’t it???
theshocker the Virgin said this
people have roles in society, face it, you want men to pay for a date, do some damn laundry not like its hard
Christine the Lioness got all philosophical
So on the days that I pay for the date, can I expect my laundry to be done? Or is it more reasonable that sometimes I pay for the date, sometimes he does, and we both are just capable adults who can do our own laundry?
Christopher the Pyro penned this
I think that if you ever paid for a date that ya, you could expect your laundry to be done. Shocker is right women do have roles in society.. doing laundry.. I guess that could be one.. I perfer not to trust them with that much responsiblity tho.
theshocker the Virgin stated
I didn’t say it was right, but it is reality. And yes, in a good relationship both should be equally giving in every aspect. Answer your question?
Christine the Lioness spake, and sayeth
Reality is whatever two people decide to make it, Shock. Relationships are reciprocal… so if Christopher takes me out to dinner, I appreciate it and want to reciprocate by doing something for him. Maybe I’ll buy him a game for his X-box, or help him paint his bathroom. And likewise, he should appreciate me spending my free time or money to do that just like I appreciate him paying to take me out. If he spends a few hours fixing my computer, I might make him dinner or give him a backrub or go get his groceries when he’s too busy to do it. I guess I’m not sure where laundry needs to come into play…
The point is… just because I’m the woman doesn’t mean the only way I can show appreciation is by doing laundry… and I don’t remember saying that doing laundry is hard or easy… and no, you didn’t exactly answer my question, but I think you already know that.
jr the Virgin asserted
good post
Christine the Lioness chimed in with
Thanks, jr. I’ve been trying to get Christopher to realize that my posts are better than his… not that we’re competitive or anything… so your compliment will help him realize that I’m right.
Christopher the Pyro thought this
he was refering to the picture
Christine the Lioness scribbled
I think he would have said “good picture.” I’m pretty sure JR can tell the difference between a “post” and a “pic,” especially if he uses blog lingo like “post.”
Lei the Mercenary thought this
i agree with christine. relationships are reciprocal. we do chores for men because it’s one way to show how much we care about them. in return, they should appreciate us and what we do for them and not to wrongly associate us, women, with such traditional roles. also, i think women should not let men boss them around coz i think this is one reason why men exert superiority over us — because, most of the time, we let them. in the same way, we dont expect our man to do chores for us, but when they do, we greatly appreciate it and it could earn them nice favors from us.
Christine the Lioness uttered
I agree totally. If a guy does something for you… he’ll bring up ten times how nice he was for doing that. Yet, we do things all the time that are just “expected.” I’m guilty too… I make over every little thing a guy does for me to give “positive reinforcement” so he’ll do it again. But in some way, he does deserve that and I am appreciative. It would just be nice if it were reciprocal.
Riss the Virgin scribbled
I think men and women are both guilty of allowing “traditional gender roles” to influence their thinking. For every man out there who expects a woman to stay home barefoot and pregnant cooking him steak, there’s a gold-digging woman out there who expects to be “taken care of” by a man.
Also, I disagree that a lot of women have to give up everything when they decide to have kids. Sometimes their wants and priorities just change when they have kids. Plenty of my friends went right back to work after popping out that little one. A few of them even got promotions while pregnant, possibly to ensure that they came back. I made more money than my husband so he was willing to stay home with our twins, wanted to in fact, but I shot that idea down fast. I gave up some things when I made my decision but there isn’t even a close competition between those trifles and what I gained.
Christine the Lioness scribbled
I agree with you, Riss. My point is simply… that who stays home with the kids should be a decision made by the couple– who are really the only ones who know what their individual desires are, what their financial situation is, etc. It just shouldn’t be decided because traditional gender roles suggest one thing over another.
Christopher the Pyro thought this
Traditional gender roles most likely are a better way of doing things, otherwise they would not have become traditional in the first place. In our society we like to muck things up that are working just fine.. just to see if we can improve on something.. even if it already works perfect.
Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this
Well… traditional gender roles would be great if men NEVER left their wives for younger women…
So I guess a woman should just make herself really vulnerable by not earning her own income and relying on her husband and hope he never leaves her in a lurch. I mean… you’re the one who says that you never really can trust anyone… so under that theory, women can’t possibly trust that their husbands will provide for them and stay with them forever. I guess women should all just make sure they can take care of themselves and make enough money to support themselves and their kids and just wait for the moment that ‘Daddy’ leaves, right?
Christopher the Pyro quibbed this
The whole trading our wife in for a younger one is the enviromentalist fault.. they pushed recycling until us guys decided that there was no reason we couldn’t do that with women also.
Lei the Mercenary chimed in with
LOL!
But hey, that doesn’t make sense. Leaving your wife for a younger woman is not “recycling” women. Nor it’s environmental-friendly. Actually, it is wastefulness; an unnecessay extravagance that is against the law and balance of nature.
some wahm the Virgin commented
I mentioned something along the same lines as Christine at another blog, where a bunch of Stay-At-Home-Moms where patting each other on the back for being there for their family, but was ignored.
This has nothing to do with male-bashing, it?s common sence. Sometimes a man can die, or become disabled and cannot work, or loses his job at 50 and nobody wants to hire him anymore. Life happens.
To rely on the man, who is simply human, for everything an anything, is irrational to the extreme.
If you?re going to stay at home, make sure you have an alternative Plan B, either by saving money, furthering your education or working from home, preferrably all three.
Christine the Lioness stated
I agree 100% with you, Wahm. And honestly, most logical men would agree with this too (I would think). It must be a very big burden to bear the responsibility completely, without a plan B and men who subscribe to this “I don’t want my woman to work and who cares if she has any marketable workforce skills…” is setting himself up to bear that burden. The truth is though… it’s difficult to re-enter the work force once you’ve spent 15 years not keeping up with it… employers tend to prefer someone right out of college who knows all the latest software, etc. for even a low level admin position than a woman who hasn’t been in an office for 15 years, but spent five years before that as a secretary. So, you have to understand that for some types of work (not all) that the only way to really be able to grow savings, a pension, and keep your skills up, you have to remain working. It would be very difficult for a woman to go back to a job and make enough to suddenly support her family because something happened to her husband (laid off, left her, died, etc.) and make enough to compensate for what he was making having built up his career for so many years. In a perfect world, where people got married and actually stayed married until they died, I would be much more likely to condone one or both of the people not working at all and staying home to raise the kids– I do believe this is the best situation for the kids. But in reality, 50% of marriages end in divorce, men leave their wives for younger women, etc, etc. With those poor odds, a woman needs to protect herself and be prepared to stop relying on her husband because he could leave at any time.
WiLL Garcia the Virgin thought this
Just bloghopping… have a nice day
BA~~261
Lisa the Virgin got all philosophical
i think the greatest thing about womans rights/feminism is the idea of CHOICE. Right now i am working on my career, while my husband and I share an equal parternership at home, financially, etc. if someday in the future we decide to have some kids, i’d like the option to stay home with them and be the best mother I can be. I don’t want anyone to tell me i should quit my job and have kids and i dont want anyone to tell me i am degrading my gender by staying home with my future kids and being a housewife.
Great post!
Christine the Lioness remarked
Thanks, Lisa.
Christopher the Pyro scribbled
Christine the Lioness said this
Isn’t he clever, ya all?
Hiddenson the Virgin stated
First things off, I’m a guy. Now that’s clear, let’s move on with the (hopefully) useful points.
I’m all for equality, and I reckon this is partly due to my being raised mostly by a lone mother. Anyway.
I think Christine made many valid points, and I totally support the idea of a woman taking the liberty to do whatever she pleases to be happy. If that involves work and/or financial freedom, so be it.
If I take the time to comment, though, it’s because I don’t want to be labeled with the same etiquette as many others. I’m 29, my wife is 27. I was the one with the higher salary (70% higher), but I was fed up and about to break down nervously with my job. We discussed this through, and I quit. Now I work the odd web design contract from home, while my wife goes to the office 9-5. However, I also cook, wash dishes, clean, and do the laundry. I figure that if I’m home, it’s up to me to tackle with the tasks. Wifey still irons because I suck at it.
We’re happy.
The bottomline is that mentalities change, and it is possible to find a partner which will make you happy. Christine, you should not discard the option of marrying, simply because of some idiots who wanted to lock you up in a ivory tower.
Hiddenson the Virgin uttered
Talking about labeling, I pressed return too quickly and forgot to state my counter-point.
When we do have an argument, it’s because I can’t do all the handy work efficiently. Do not misunderstand, I know how to use tools and don’t mind getting my hands dirty, but I’m not the best manual worker around.
So, who’s nagging about that? Women. Please do not ask the impossible, if you’re looking for guys with an open mind about your issues, consider that you should be open minded too and discard all the brainwashing that has been going on since our infancy.
Now I’m done.
Katie the Mercenary said this
Love this post.I agree on most of it, and some I disagree. I grew up in a household with two working parents, my boyfriend grew up with a stay at home mom. I think its more beneficial for a child to have a parent home, whether it be mom or dad makes no difference. It should be which ever one will help the child grow and mature.
My boyfriend and I have this setup: we are both from Philadelphia he got a job in DC, he bought a house…asked me to move down here (switch jobs and colleges, and move away from the family) to be with him. I obliged, in turn he pays the mortgage and all bills. I pay for groceries, cook and clean. All things I like to do. Relationsips are all about two things as far as I am concerned… Compromise and Sacrifice.
Love your blog…
Katie
Christine 2 the Mercenary mentioned
Wow…I don’t even know what to say on the broader topic of gender issues, because I think it differs in every relationship. Many people get married for the wrong reasons, and divorce is so common that lots of people would rather quit than realize their own faults along with the faults of their mate. Many people justify their divorces as if they were “doing what was best” for themselves. They couldn’t live like that anymore, blah blah. But many times I think that there are parts of people that they don’t want to psychologically accept or change. In our relationship, we are both so laid back enough that we both do things for each other. He buys me things, I buy him things. When I don’t have money, he helps me out. I cook for him when I want to, and he is always appreciative. He does laundry because it needs to be done, and asks me what I need washed with it. I think that if people would just loosen up their expectations, they would be much more happier. You have to give as much as you take. It doesn’t matter what gender role your actions fall under, as long as both partners realize that each one of you is working together to get things done. I think that if you find the right person, each of you will respect each other enough as equals to not be too demanding about the little shit, and be willing work together to make each other happy without compromising your own happiness in the process. I think that rather than compromise and sacrifice, it would be better looked at as a matter of mutual care and respect.
Christine the Lioness chimed in with
I completely agree with Christine 2… but what you’re describing is an ideal relationship where two people (1) do what’s best for the couple instead of the just the individual, and (2)they don’t succumb to pressure from society or “what so-and-sos wife/husband does.” Like you said, the key is respect and appreciation. When you respect and appreciate each other, it doesn’t feel like sacrifice because compromising is actually gratifying. What you described is exactly the type of relationship I hope I find someday. I think a lot of guys just expect that a woman will do certain things because that’s what their idea of marriage entails… if I’m married, she’ll do my laundry and I won’t have to. I see coupledom as two people forming a team and they should set their own rules that works for them.
Christine 2 the Mercenary added
Amen sister
Mara the Peacemaker thought this
I personally KNOW a lot of guys like this but I think in these particular cases, the expectations stem from a lack of maturity more than anything else. My fiance and I have so many mutual friends who are married but it’s almost like they are playing house. They do things that perhaps they’ve seen their parents or other married people do but in a context make very little sense. For example, we have friends that have literally just gotten married —as in they’ve been married for less than six months. Suddenly, they’re getting together saying they need to get away “from the wives” for a few days. Okay, perhaps their relationships are a little more stifling than others, but aren’t people in the honeymoon phase for awhile? I mean, is it good that you feel like you need to ditch the wife for a weekend when you’ve been married less than half a year? After you’ve been married awhile, I could understand. But the sentiment doesn’t seem genuine. It really feels like they feel now that they’re married, this is what married guys do — they complain about needing to get away from their wives. So they do.
I cannot believe I’m commenting on a post that is more than 2 years old but this is fresh in my mind since I just a conversation about this kind of stuff with someone this morning.
Christine the Lioness chimed in with
Honestly, people get married for the wrong reasons. I totally agree that if you’re with someone you love and are happy with– essentially, if you marry your best friend who you truly love being with– then why bitch about your wife and lament over how you need to get away from her? Either you really feel that way and you probably shouldn’t have gotten married, OR you’re just pretending to feel that way so you won’t take shit from your guy friends and think it’s normal once you’re married to act like “Ray Ramone” and whine about how you’ve now lost your freedom, blah, blah, blah. I hear guys doing that in relationships when they aren’t even married yet.
For me (and Lord knows I’m not typical in pretty much any way), when I leave, or when Christopher leaves, I utilize the time alone to catch up on things I don’t do when he’s around (like see friends I tend to put off, hang out with my mom more, work on projects I’ve been procrastinating on), but it’s only because I feel I should be productive and make the best of the situation. When he’s not around, I really miss him. And while I think it’s good for people to go off and do things with their friends and family without their significant others at times, you should plan those things because you know it would be good for say, you and your best friend to spend a weekend shopping in San francisco or something– the idea shouldn’t come because you’re dying to get away from the person you’re dating or married to.
Yeah, this post is a few years old, but still relevant.
bexy the Virgin uttered
hey peps i think u sould all get ova urselfs lol i think woman sould do want they wnt nd say what they wnt .bcoz men ave no Control ova us 
bexy the Virgin added
im not a virgin
Trouble the Pirate chimed in with
“It’s like he’s trying to speak to me, I know it.”
ProphetJoe the Irreverent chimed in with
“Thirty years ago, when people were sitting down as a family to watch “Leave it to Beaver” and “Father Knows Best,” traditional gender roles were what people strived for.
Thirty years ago… are you kidding me? Father Knows Best and LITB were 50-60 years ago, Christine! I’m pushing 50 and they were before MY time…
Names and emails are required (emails aren't displayed), url's are optional.
