Help! I Can’t Break Up with My Cell Phone

Posted on May 14th, 2005 by Christine.
Categories: Pissed Off & Proud of It.

If you’re at all like me, you’ve had an ongoing love/hate relationship with your cell phone for a long time. It all started last May when I called Verizon to break off our relationship, and I ended up not only taking it back, but upgrading as well.

Apparently, after a long discussion, we both realized it was me that wasn’t putting enough into the relationship… so I agreed to pay more each month, spend more time sharing intimate conversations with my cell, and we were all hoping things would get better. Part of the problem was that my cell phone wasn’t the same phone I bought years ago. The cell I met and fell head over heels for was a company that no longer exists. It was bought out, changed, given a face lift… it happened again and again until it became what it is today… Verizon Wireless.

When my cell and I first got together, we were happy. I mean, really happy. It was top of the line… I paid for the minutes I used… there were no expectations, no ultimatums… just a give-and-take relationship. But then, it started to change. The usual calls I was making were no longer good enough. It wanted more… it wanted me to promise to stay with him even if I was unhapy… it even wanted this contract in writing. Where’s the trust? Where’s the history of all we’d built together?

And it got worse. If I did leave, it threatened to make me pay… and pay big. Not only that though. It wanted me to commit to how much time I would spend, down to the very minute. “I can’t predict those things,” I would say. But it wouldn’t listen. It just hung up. And it was jealous… if it didn’t like what I was saying, or who I was talking to, it would just cut out. This started affecting my other relationships. “Your phone is a complete piece of shit,” Christopher would scream at me when I’d call him back. Even messages from my sister would be delayed for hours until my cell decided it was time to let me hear them.

And there were a lot of places the cell didn’t like to go. The beach is a good example. My cell hates the beach. So if I take it there, it retaliates by shutting off completely. When I try to discuss these issues, it just gets very quiet and refuses to talk.

The reason that guy walks the planet asking, “Can you hear me now?” every few steps is because he’s trying to find a spot where he actually gets reception. The person on the other end is saying, “No… you’re breaking up. What did you just say???”

So… things got a little better once I upgraded and promised to spend more time with it and more money on it. It’s attitude improved. But that didn’t last long.

Last month, while I was waiting for my digital home phone to be installed, I relied a little more on my cell than I should have. When I received the $400 bill, I called Verizon. I said, “Hey… listen… this is a bit high. I’ll upgrade my plan again or whatever, but do you think if I do, you could apply some of my new plan minutes to this bill to help me out? It’s just a lot to spend on a phone, and I’ve been with you for a long time.”

I thought this is what a relationship was supposed to be about. You get each others’ back when you’re in trouble… I guess Dr. Phil was wrong. Verizon said, “No. I can upgrade your plan so it doesn’t happen again, but you used those minutes and now you’re going to have to pay for what you used. Do you want me to upgrade your plan?” They were getting $400 out of me so that I could talk on the phone for one month, and now they wanted me to pay more after they refused to be even a tiny bit helpful.

A little miffed, I said, “No, I’m going to check out some other companies first.” There. I had said it. I threatened to break it off. Verizon came back with, “Well… you can do that… but I want to remind you that if you break your contract, there is a $175 fee for doing so.” Now, I really wanted to end things. But I couldn’t. Call me lazy or co-dependent or whatever you want. I know I need to end it. And I will. I’m hoping maybe there’s a support group for this.

15 comments.

The Ultimate Blasphemy »« How I got Raped By Adelphia