Hooray for Being a Lazy Ass!

Posted on August 4th, 2005 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious.

) that I don?t want to tote up to my apartment, so I end up driving it around town, shoving it from side to side when people need to sit in the backseat, until I?m just so fed up that I do a major cleaning, toss it all into a garbage bag, drag it upstairs and sort it out.

But… today, I am proud and pleasantly surprised to say… my lackadaisical approach to keeping my car clean actually paid off…

Every morning (well every morning that I don?t work from home), I get in my car and drive 40 minutes to work. To be as efficient as humanly possible, I typically use this time to eat breakfast as well. Breakfast for me usually consists of some sort of power bar and/or a Diet Coke with Lime (because goddammit, that is the best beverage known to man and if I could sustain myself on Diet Coke with Lime, I probably would).
So I?m sitting at a traffic light and I decide to pop open my cool, refreshing, inspiring can of DCwL.

Unfortunately, the can was a bit fizzy and when it popped, it also splashed out onto my shirt and pants. To complicate this already complicated situation, the light turned green at the same time and while most morning commute drivers usually have their heads up their asses (because they?re either talking on their cell phones or doing some other inane task like trying to eat breakfast behind the wheel ), today, everyone was on the ball and actually started moving when the light turned green.

So there I am, thinking, ?Damn!?

What to do?

I put my foot on the gas and start driving as I look around for something to wipe the DCwL off my clothes.

Aha! I reach into the back seat and grab the beach towel that?s been in there since the weekend Christopher and I went to the beach (that was the weekend I discovered that Christopher has a fear of tiny little ocean crabs). I yank the towel into the front seat and start to sop up the splash marks.

Cool…

At the next light, I look down and realize that they?ve made little stains on my khaki colored pants. I groan…

What to do now?

I look down at the floor in front of the passenger seat.
Aha! A half empty water bottle that?s been rolling around down there since who knows when…

I snatch up the water bottle and dab water onto the spots. Then I repeat the towel action…

At the next light, I look down and see that the spots have been replaced with water marks that are only minutes away from drying.

Awesome…

I smile and toss the towel behind me and the water bottle back onto the floor. Thirty minutes later, I walk into work looking like the catastrophe never happened.

Nice job, Christine… apathy isn?t so bad after all.

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