How to be a Good Blow Job Recipient

Posted on July 23rd, 2006 by Christine.
Categories: Sex and Relationships.

So I was chatting with one of my guy friends the other night and he started talking about this girl he’s dating and he told me he was kind of frustrated with the sex and I asked him why and he said that she doesn’t give blow jobs. Honestly, I was a little stunned. It’s the 21st century… who doesn’t give blow jobs??? Now I can understand not having oral sex when having casual sex…because quite frankly, if you’re going to use a condom or a dental dam then what’s the point? But in a committed, monogamous relationship, why wouldn’t you (unless you have some sexual hang up)?

Let me preface this post about how important oral sex is… with the revelation that I actually did date a guy who did not want to perform oral sex, nor did he want to receive it. Needless to say… that whole situation didn’t really work out for me.

I don’t really know if this is common or not (most women I know give head and talk freely about it after a margarita or two), but in case it is… and in case you’re a guy who’s into a girl who won’t, but would really like it if she would, then let me break this down for you…

First of all, you have to figure out the reason she doesn’t want to do this. It could be that she’s never done it before (if that’s the case, you’re in luck… once she tries it, she may really dig it). It could be that she had a bad experience (which is why, boys, I must emphasize that it’s really important that you don’t grab a girl’s head and shove it deeper into her throat when she isn’t expecting it… you will be contributing the suffering of mankind when she refuses to give a hummer to the next guy because you choked her — this sort of sucks for you– and not in a good way– because she may never be willing to try it again). OR… let’s face it, guys… it might be you personally.

The truth is… there are things girls will do with some guys (or try with some guys) and not other guys for a myriad of reasons… well, not really… for only a few reasons… and usually they are these two: 1. he makes her come harder, longer, and more often, so she’s more willing to put in the effort for him, and 2. he is more sensual… makes her feel more sexy… is a good coach without turning it into a lesson… so she trusts he’ll go at the right pace and trusts he’ll make it good for her too and basically be willing to do whatever he wants. But there are some things you might be doing (or might not be doing) that could improve your chances of convincing your girl to give you a b.j. and here they are…

1. Take a shower right before sex. It’s impossible to give a guy head when he smells like sweaty balls. She’ll enjoy it more and be more likely to go longer as well. (Don’t ever try to cover body odor with cologne!)

2. Shave if you are super hairy. If you look down and can’t see your balls through the forest, grab the scissors and get to work.

3. Find a comfortable position for her. I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but in my opinion, the best position is with the girl between your legs either on her knees if you’re sitting, or lying on her stomach near the foot of the bed if you’re lying on your back. It’s more difficult and less comfortable from the side or in 69, so pick a position where she can move her head and both hands freely without compensating for a strange angle.

4. Let her know if she’s doing what you like. She can’t feel what you’re feeling… and Lord knows we can’t read your minds. If she’s found a rhythm or depth or stroke that’s getting you there, communicate that by making the right noises if you don’t feel comfortable verbally letting her know. I’m a big advocate of just saying to the other person, “Oh yeah, baby… don’t stop” or “Slow down” or whatever. Remember, she’s doing this for you– not for her– so don’t just lie there and let her think she’s doing what you like when you’re really not getting closer to coming.

5. Don’t shove her head down at any point without letting her know you’re going to start controlling the movement. We don’t mind you doing it, we just don’t like the surprise. Let her know by putting your hand on the back of her head with a little pressure before you decide to push. She’ll feel your hand there and be ready for deeper thrusts.

6. Don’t try to make it last forever. Holding off on coming quick is reserved for vaginal sex only… and maybe anal if she doesn’t come right away from it. But if she’s giving you oral sex, or you’re titty-fucking, the sooner you come the better because she’s not going to orgasm from the experience. Get in the zone, relax, and let yourself come as soon as you can.

6. Don’t cum in her mouth without warning. Seriously… speak the fuck up. Say “I’m about to cum” a few seconds before so she can be ready to swallow.

7. Return the favor. In my opinion, nothing makes a girl come quite as hard and as many times as oral sex. Besides, once she’s orgasmed once from oral, it’s much easier to orgasm again during intercourse.

Good sex is a big part of a relationship. If your girl isn’t giving you head, let her know that you’d really like her to try it without being an ass about it. Don’t threaten to get it elsewhere, don’t make her feel inadequate, don’t lie and say it isn’t important to you if it really is. None of those things will ultimately get you to the place you want to be– leaning back on the sofa with your girl’s head in your lap. Suggest she talk to some of her friends about it because women really do give other women good advice on technique, and if she can get to the point where she’s comfortable talking about it, she can get to the point where she’s comfortable doing it.

And maybe if you’re lucky… she’ll end up liking it. A lot. Because what’s sexier than glancing up at your boy when you’ve got his dick deep in your mouth and seeing him watch you with that look on his face… yeah… you know what look I’m talking about.

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