A few thoughts that I know Christine will completely agree with.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
and Finally.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
First of all… this is such bullshit. A man would never go to a laundry mat anyway… they’d rather spray on cheap cologne to cover the body odor than actually wash them and wear something clean.
Okay… in the interest of equal time… I’m posting a joke I got from http://www.writershome.com. It’s a very cute, very funny battle of the sexes website that posts jokes about men and women. I suggest you check them out.
Here’s one of my personal faves:
WHO WAS ON FIRST?
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above. “Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.” “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.” “What’s a ‘man,’ Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.”
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, well. He’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you
can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”
I can’t remember where I heard this one, but I will give it a shot.
God comes before Adam and Eve, and he presents them with a choice. “I will grant each of you a skill,” he says. “The first skill,” continues God, “is the ability to pee standing up. This is a very…” “Oh, please let me have that one, God,” interrupts Adam. “I could write my name in the snow, or even pee on trees! I could pee with no hands, spinning with glee, oh please, please let me pee standing up, God,” ranted Adam enthusiastically! “Well,” said God, “Adam seems to want this pretty bad Eve, so I will grant him his wish,” spoke God. “You, Eve, will have to make do make with the ability to have multiple orgasms.”
LOL