It’s… it’s Alive…

Posted on April 24th, 2005 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious.

The story begins several months ago when Christopher banished a half-used bag of russet potatoes to the dark, cool, cavernous area below his kitchen sink. Shoving the plastic bag in the cabinet, he went on with his daily activities like learning. The potatoes didn’t fare well in “the hole.” As a matter of fact, it wasn’t long before the eyes, shrouded by the darkness, began to spore tiny green tentacles. Their once tough brown skin loosened as the starchy insides shrank, becoming loose and leathery. Desperate for water and sunlight, the roots took on a flesh color and began to slide along the press board bottom until they reached the side. With nowhere to go but up, they slowly crept, ascending further and further each day.

Weeks passed while Christopher went about his business, too preoccupied to remember the half bag of potatoes under the sink. Alberstons delivered, and a new bag of potatoes appeared in the bags of food Chris ordered online… his mind, if only for a moment, glossing over faded images of something he once had, once knew… potatoes. As he pecked away at his Albertson order, and stared blankly at his monitor, he must have thought, “I wonder if I have potatoes…” But the glimmer of hope for the forgotten bag was quickly extinguished, and it wasn’t until the day the Albertsons delivery man plunked a brand new 10 lb. bag of Idaho’s finest on the floor, that the discovery was made.

Christopher opened the door beneath the sink. Daylight streamed in, bathing the overgrown potato roots in what they had been longing for… by now, the roots had taken over the confined space below the sink. Their twisted, knotted arms spread over the wall and like a web. And that’s when Christopher laughed and went to get his digital camera.

29 comments.

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Keely the Virgin mentioned

That is freaking AWESOME!!!

April 24th, 2005

Christine the Lioness penned this

Awesome, yet disturbing…

April 24th, 2005

tz the Virgin quibbed this

Alien potatoes?

May 18th, 2005

Christine the Lioness said this

Alien potatoes make fries that are out of this world. *groan* Okay… I know that was terrible… I apologize profusely.

May 18th, 2005

Christopher the Pyro mentioned

I think that allowing these potatoes to flurish and live a healthy life right in my kitchen like this is wonderfully progressive and tollerant of me…. next thing you know I’ll stop eating veal… (right….)

May 19th, 2005

Tawcan the Virgin up'n wrote this

Hahahahahaha~!!!

June 25th, 2005

M.R. the Virgin penned this

I’ve been known to cultivate several types of obscure fungi inside my fridge. I’ve yet to breed tentacled potatoes in an a dark enclosed area. I wonder what I could do with frozen fries? Love your blog by the way.

July 8th, 2005

dd the Virgin stated

Weird and Scary in a way too….

August 12th, 2005

Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this

If you think that’s scary, you’ve obviously never been to Christopher’s house.

August 12th, 2005

erika the Virgin pontificated

Plant them. They will grow. They will rule the world.

August 30th, 2005

ticklebug the Groupie pontificated

OMG…. I’m speechless and afraid.

September 1st, 2005

ticklebug the Groupie mentioned

I have to say that I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s afraid of food starting to “grow”. I always say, the only things that scare me (outside the obvious) are roaches, fungi, and potatoes that grow arms and legs. You do not want to be around me when I yelp to be rescued from these things.

September 1st, 2005

Christopher the Pyro quibbed this

Heh, Ya know.. I don’t know if fear is a good word but it certainly took me by surprise.. I was like.. wow.. these grow fast.

September 2nd, 2005

Alex Lee the Virgin stated

How long was it before they start to grow like that?

And I must add, they really look creepy…

September 11th, 2005

Christopher the Pyro chimed in with

That is a great questions.. it could have been months..

September 12th, 2005

NoSympathy the Virgin pontificated

FREE THE POTATOES!! POTATOES HAVE FEELINGS TOO! LET THE POTATOES LIVE!

September 17th, 2005

Oliviah the Virgin asserted

Creepy looking, kinda sci-fi…shudders. Tsk, tsk…now what would Mr. PotatoHead think of this? *joins the “Free The Potatoes” Cult* hehehe

October 4th, 2005

Chandira the Virgin thought this

Hahaaaa!! Awesome. Mine never quite get that big. Perhaps it’s too cold in the fridge for them to really take off.

June 18th, 2007

Christine the Lioness mentioned

Even to this day there’s something inherently creepy about that picture.

June 18th, 2007

Abysium the Soldier chimed in with

Why?
Its just potatoes…
Biologicaly potatoes aint even vegetables… Theyre just stuff growing from the underground…
Like peanuts…
*Makes a free the peanuts clan*

June 18th, 2007

Christine the Lioness said this

They’re toooooomerrrrrrs… I mean, uh, tubers.

June 18th, 2007

Abysium the Soldier thought this

so are peanuts…
also trufels…
anyone fearing trufels here?

June 18th, 2007

ProphetJoe the Irreverent said this

Actually, peanuts are not tubers, and while both potatoes and truffles are tubers, they aren’t (closely) related — potatoes are a vegetable and truffles are fungi.

Yes, I *do* fear truffles and I, too, am freaked out by the picture — not just because of the outlandish potato mutation, but because I pictured Christopher being a *little* cleaner and more organized than THAT!!

Geez, I’m expecting too much from him, I know… in reality he spends most of his time playing GH2 and shooting his nut butter on the lovely Christine’s face for purely cosmetic reasons…

June 19th, 2007

ProphetJoe the Irreverent remarked

sorry, there was supposed to be a at the end to indicate my attempt at humor

June 19th, 2007

Christine the Lioness quibbed this

True. Given all the time he puts into his other “hobbies,” Christopher doesn’t have time to dig out the creepy potatoes that are mutating under his sink.

June 19th, 2007

Johnny the Virgin asserted

Thats just wild, I wouldn’t expect them to grow that much.

August 1st, 2007

Christopher the Pyro penned this

Neither did Christine lol!