Not Good In Bed? – Threesome Thursday Question

Threesome Thursday – Vol I

For years now we have been getting emails from readers asking us for “advice”, I honestly can’t say why in the world people would want our advice on their “real life relationships, problems, ect” but they do. So here we are, we have finally decided to start talking the plunge. We will post one question each Thursday with our thoughts.

My boyfriend isn’t that good in bed. He comes really fast and doesn’t perform oral sex well. What should I do?

Christopher say’s:
“Well not all guys were born great in bed.. in fact the ones who are good probably got some decent training early on. So in my opinion it is time to put on your training hat and start cracking the whip. First when a guy isn’t doing something right most of the time he just isn’t aware of the situation. With Christine her needs change on a minute by minute basis if she didn’t occasionally steer me in the right direction when it came to oral I don’t think she would get nearly as much enjoyment out of the process. The most important step you can take is just communication and also being open to communication if he tells you something you need to listen it is a two way street. The fact is nobody is that comfortable telling their partner that something isn’t quite right so if he does say something pay attention.. and the favor will be returned. I would suggest if you want to improve his oral skills then spend a lot of time improving yours and then when he just can’t live without your blow jobs explain that you want to get as much enjoyment out of oral as he does and explain to him what you like and don’t like. Generally he should catch on quick to keep getting great blow jobs he is going to need to step up also. As for him cumming quick well.. that is just a matter of the more he practices the long he will last. Tell him he comes a little to fast and suggest he beat off before he see’s you, that will help.. make him feel comfortable by going porno shopping with him, or better yet make a porno for him. Last but not least, if you pose the problem the guy will want to fix it… it is our natural ways… and if all else fails tell him that he can’t join you and your sexy friend in bed until he steps up his game.. that will get his attention.”

Christine says:
While it’s great to tell a guy what he’s doing wrong WHEN he’s doing it wrong so he can change it up, that really only comes when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you’re both very comfortable with each other in bed, and he’s already got a history of making you come regularly. Otherwise, if you bust out with directions, the likelihood is high that he won’t take it well.

I suggest you initiate a session of phone sex or just dirty talk one on one and in getting him off, you basically lay out exactly what you would want him to do to you. Example– “Then you slip my panties off really slow and run your tongue very lightly over my inner thighs…” If you do it this way, as he gets hard, he’ll be imagining every detail of what you’re saying and hopefully be able to retrieve it from his rapport when the time comes to perform.

I don’t think him not being good in bed has anything to do with your blowjob skills unless neither of you are really that motivated to please the other. Christopher’s right that for women, the way to make us come changes from time to time, sometimes slow and soft does the trick, sometimes fast rhythm does, etc. It’s a little more complicated than just giving a blow job where once you figure out how your guy likes it, that rarely changes. He probably just doesn’t know what he’s doing, and your sex talk/instructions can help him with that. Besides, a guy enjoys when his woman does a sex talk session with him much more than he enjoys her barking orders at him when he’s in the middle of doing the deed.

In terms of coming too quickly… I guess Christopher is better at answering that. I’ve always heard masturbation before hand helps– and if your guy can get hard and come a second time, maybe giving him a blowjob first will prevent him from coming so quickly when you guys have sex later on.

Good luck! Hope that helps.