Listen, I’m really sorry that you have no friends and no girls who aren’t being paid to listen to you, but if you insist on attempting conversation with the hot bartender at least follow these guild lines on what to expect.
Tipping Menu:
A Thank-You – $1
And she wont’ be coming back to refill you, you cheap prick.
A Smile – $2
Contrary to popular belief, two dollars does not earn the right to call her “honey”.
Hand-Touching – $5
She will BRIEFLY touch your hand while she takes your money and smiles.
Listening – $8
She will listen to one of your short stories, but not a sex story asshole.
An Assist – $10
She will laugh at one of your terrible jokes loud enough for another woman at the bar to hear.
Free Drink – $20
You will get the next one on her.. well not her.. actually it’s the owner.
Fake Number – $50
She will give you a fake number and pretend she would actually date you.
Real Number – Market Price
Just keep tipping, she will let you know when you have spent enough.
There are three morals to this outline.
1. All women are for sale. 
2. Christine sure is glad I don’t go to bars much, although she fully condoned the extensive study I did to compile this list.
3. Sometimes it’s ok to tip.
Interestingly enough, the last time I wore anything even half that revealing, Christopher beat the crap out of me for “dressing like a slut” and accused me of trying to get “more attention from random guys because you don’t get enough already…”
1. “All women” might be for sale, but apparently… I’m now off the market. So it’s all women minus one.
And it will have to be fake because, well… refer back to 1.
2. I am glad he doesn’t go to the bars much. Not just because bartenders that only talk to you to be nice even though your jokes are stupid (I was a bartender once, trust me, I know how this works) might talk to him… but because “whiskey dick” has never been a problem for him. No complaints here!
3. Yes, it’s ok to tip. But $50 for a fake number doesn’t seem like a good investment. However, if anyone wants my fake number, I’ll give it to you for thirty and I accept paypal.
That is so true. I hate my bartending job…
At this point, I don’t know anybody who actually like their job all the time.
Just tell them to keep the tips comin… speaking of tipping Christine got up my ass last night for not tipping enough. I hate tipping.
I loved my job as an escort to wealthy Japanese businessmen until Christopher made me quit. They didn’t seem to mind tipping.
True, she did love that job and she always talks very fondly of it.
my names abdirahman Ilive somalia
ingalciao my email itis baaquli7@hotmail.com
becouse Iwant to helpme such as fack you
mony pleace give mee your name byyyyyyyyy
(u)
I think the dud from Somalia is confused… that girl that’s pictured is not for sale… see… this isn’t that kind of website, abbi-dabbi… but good luck finding a hot blonde American chick to fack. :s
gytguyyuy
(u) (u) :p
(welcme
(n)my name abdirahman really Irespect girl
becouse girls my sister and my love
my email [Christine deleted this dumbass' email but don't worry... I kept the rest of his insightful comment intact]
if you want connect good byyyyyyyyyyyyy
waxaan ahay wiil da yar ku nool g/kaio shaqadeyda
waa lee maan
goodbyyyyyyyy
(u)
(n) (u)
(u)
nlnloshi