This weekend while on a typical trip to the movies to see “High Tension” (which sucked by the way.. – no big surprise considering Chrissy picked it)… anyway first off this movie was only playing at a shit theater, I’m not very particular about many things in life, but I do like going to the “White Peoples Mall – in Rancho Palos Vedas Estates” to see my movies, it’s less crowded and like the nickname suggests it’s mostly white people which is good if you want to watch a movie in peace and quiet.. (because all non-white people besides Asians are loud and obnoxious in theaters) anyway I was force to make a trip to the ghetto (the corner of PCH and Crenshaw) which just happens to be this fucking shopping center, with about a million parking place but not open one, so as I drove around I kept thinking oh there is a spot, but I went to turn in there would be some fucking ford fucas or some other similarly sized fucking car driving up my irritation level to unreasonable levels.. After about 4 failed attempts to park because of small cars.. it dawned on me that I HATE small cars.. and that we should ban them.. seriously they are very bad for Americans in the overall scheme of things, let me support my argument with just a few thoughts.. and apologizes in advance to my friends who drive small cars..
- First they drive up health care costs because it makes people like me have high blood pressure when I can’t park in a spot that I thought was open
- They encourage the use of gasoline instead of having America become less dependent on foreign fuels we are becoming more dependent and I think it will only get worst if everybody moves to these small cars! I mean if people stopped driving because they didn’t want to pay $4.00 for gas, you can be damn sure congress would figure out a way to make cars get 100 miles per gallon.
- They are just plain un-American.. America is about over consumption, we like big, we like loud, we like being wasteful if you want to be about under consumption pull a David Chapel move to fucking Africa and starve.
- Small cars are very “European”, last time I check besides England, the rest of Europe’s economies are in shambles.. So it doesn’t look like small cars helped them any.. and the only reason England is ok is because they speak English and they are our allies unlike those fucknuts in france… they can have their cheese, wine and small ass cars and I’ll keep my beer, fatty cheeseburgers and big gas guzzling cars.
So start acting like real American’s.. go buy a new Ford Mustang like Christine or a big ass truck and stop supporting this horrible trend of small high blood pressure inducing cars.
Okay, first off… I do not pick movies that suck (usually)… except for Lords of Dogtown, and high tension (which wasn’t sucky, but wasn’t as amazing as everyone said it would be.) I’d like to remind Christopher that I picked the Grudge, and we both liked that movie a lot.
Second… does Christopher really strike you as the type that isn’t very particular about things? I guarantee you, he’s one of the most particular people you’ve ever met. I mean, Jesus, he’s even got an issue with people who buy economy cars.
I have to admit it was pretty funny watching Christopher try to swing into parking spaces, only to find out there was some little VW Jetta parked in the stall next to an SUV that obstructed Christopher’s view. I sat in the driver’s seat and giggled. Pretty soon I started going, “Hey hon… there’s one.” And he’d start to swing in, and then I’d laugh when there was a car already parked there. He was aggravated. Luckily, my wit and charm and all-around cheeriness helped to subdue his anger for small, foreign automobiles.
The other part of this, is that Christopher cannot give up control enough to let me drive. He’s only been in my car a few times and when he is, he slams his foot down on the imaginary brake on the passenger side until I’m about to go completely insane. He will respond to this by telling you I’m a bad driver, but your next question should be to us both… when was the last time you were in an accident? And my answer will prove I am the better driver. But if he would just relax a little, relinquish a little control, and let me drive, I think his blood pressure would go down.
I don’t think America is about consumption. Maybe that’s so in the Republic of America… what I’ve deemed the imaginary America that Republicans are trying to turn the real America into… but real America is all about convenience and fun… and what’s more convenient than being able to squeeze your little car into pretty much any parking space you see?
I agree that someone should buy me the Ford Mustang. It’s not a small car, but it’s perfect and beautiful and all that is good in the world.
But I do ask this one favor from all you who drive tiny little cars… when you park in a spot, please don’t pull all the way in. Let your turned up little car ass stick out just a little so the rest of the driver’s can see it and will know right away that we need to find a different place to park before getting our hopes up. That way, you can have your nice, cute, conservationist vehicles, and I can go to the movies with Christopher without listening to him bitch (at least about that).
Christine is so delusional she thought she was sitting in the drivers seat. As for Chrissy driving.. I let her drive the other day and she almost killed us both multiple times..so whatever! Christine, America is a republic…. hrmm maybe your confused again.
What a surprise… Christopher is missing the point. Yes, I erroneously said “driver’s” seat instead of “passenger’s.” Christopher, pointing out a mistake in one of my posts, is like a centipede telling a rooster it has too many legs… And I know we are a republic. That wasn’t the point… the point was, I was changing the name so we could label and decipher between the America that actually exists, and the America Republicans like Christopher think exists.
It should exist in a fair and just world.
What’s funny is that your small cars aren’t even that small. When I was there last, I never saw anything like a Daewoo Matiz, a SMART car or any of the other multitude of small cars that we have in Europe (Renault Clio, Citroen C2, Mercedez A-Class). Ironically though, if you guys didn’t have such massive SUVs with soccer moms in them and so on, and more of you drove small cars, then actually you would see that the space was already full before trying to park in it. But yes, you are all about consumption. When I was in Hawaii, I hired a Suzuki Vitara (I’m pretty sure you gave it a different name). In the UK, the biggest engine you could get in it is a 1600. The one I drove there was 2.5l. I bet the US people who imported the Suzuki looked at it and thought “Hell no, we ain’t having nothing which does more than 12mpg, we need to change that”. Additionally ironic is the fact that most of the gas-guzzlers, Mustang included, are actually frightfully bad cars (tho they do look pretty phat, I’ll give you that, esp. the Mustang… that is one good lookin’ car).
But what do I know. I don’t even own a car. In fact car-drivers are all ignorant coffers, who get in my way as I hoon it past them on my 140 mile an hour motorbike.
FYI, I think your RSS feed is broken.
Matt… is the RSS working now?? I just did the upgrade to 1.5.3 so hopefully it is all fixed..
Sorry, Matt. I’ve been telling him for days to get off his lazy ass and fix the RSS… think he’d do it? Of course not… we all know that Christopher just sits around the house all day playing Forza and watching the Tour de France. I’m glad someone else finally had to say something… or else it probably still wouldn’t be fixed. See what I have to deal with???
This comming from the woman who #1. Has yet to work a day in her life, and #2. Has no idea what RSS even is!
Christopher’s comment just proves how little he actually knows about me…
#1. If I hadn’t worked a day in my life, how could I afford my apartment, my car, my big-screen t.v., etc.? I can guarantee you that no man is buying these things for me, which I’m highly opposed to. So maybe I should start hunting for a sugar daddy, but I probably won’t because (a) that would entail having to work to find one, and (b) that would lend validity to Christopher’s comment and I hate to break his pattern of always being wrong.
#2. I do know what RSS is. The way I understand it, RSS is a format for syndicating news and the content of news-like sites, including major news sites, news-oriented community sites, and personal weblogs. Pretty much anything that can be broken down into discrete items can be syndicated via RSS: the “recent changes” page of a wiki, a changelog of CVS checkins, even the revision history of a book. Once information about each item is in RSS format, an RSS-aware program can check the feed for changes and react to the changes in an appropriate way, which is pretty cool. In addition, there are RSS-aware programs called news aggregators. Many weblogs make content available in RSS. A news aggregator can help people keep up with all your favorite weblogs (like Chris vs. Chris) by checking their RSS feeds and displaying new items from each of them. I guess it’s possible I could be wrong, but I think that’s a pretty good way to describe an RSS for those of you who don’t know.
Congrats on being able to use Wikipedia to look up RSS.. I can’t imagine she was actually listening that closely when I explained what RSS was a few nights ago… as for working a day in her life… anybody who regularly reads this site.. knows which one of us is more creditable.
All right… he busted me. It’s true that I tune him out when he goes into dork mode and feels it’s necessary to explain every little detail of something completely boring… like what his latest Forza car can do, or what I just did that pissed him off. I didn’t get all that good info about RSS from Christopher…
Now, regarding who’s more credible… I’ll have to go with me on that and not just because Christopher thrives on lying just to get a reaction, but because I’m also a woman and we are, by nature, the more honest sex.
The really fucked up thing is she actually believes that shit about women being honest.
And he actually believes that intelligent, educated people agree with him.
That’s partly my fault… I tell him that he’s right sometimes, just to make him feel like a man. I figure he’ll never find out otherwise, and a good, confident self-image on Christopher’s part pays off in spades when we’re in bed.
All that i can say about this post is that I feel both shock and awe at the level of love exhibited for the new Mustang, even by the homo European who hasn’t figured out yet that “motorbike” is English for the American word “motorcycle.” This is obviously an American website you socialist infiltrator. Make sure you carve that hairdo of yours into a mullet when you do finally buy that ’stang, Christine.
CVC: RSS appears to be working, so well done, er, one of you. Rob: Poke it up your cakehole dickhead.
Rob… could I have a photo of your mullet to take to my stylist? It helps when she can visualize exactly what I want. And yes, Rob, of course someone who doesn’t know that a “motorbike” is a “motorcycle” must obviously be homosexual… I follow your logic completely…??? And just for your information, I have fallen out of love with the Mustang… I am a woman and I reserve the right to change my mind. I have a new infatuation now… she’s hot, German, and topless… before Christopher starts to get a hard-on… let me clarify that I now am in love with the Audi A4 convertible.
Hey, don’t judge a car by its size.
Found your blog through Sudiegirl.
Visit mine
dude, you’re a feckin’ edjit!
I drive a 1997 Ford Escort. I bought it new. It has 82,000 miles on it. (That’s under 10,000 miles a year.)
I bought it when gas was cheap. I bought it because it was practical. I don’t go on long jaunts with it “because gas is cheap”–and I thoroughly enjoy that I get nearly 40mpg.
My wife has a 1999 Ford Windstar. We bought it used with 43,000 miles. It currently has 57,000 miles. We’ve had it for over 3 years. She usually drives once a week.
Somehow, I don’t think we fit into your broad generalizations about small cars and gas consumption…
Christopher, have you noticed that the bigger the car, the smaller the driver? It’s morons like you that give Americans a bad name. I would like to think that most Americans are much less selfish and much more concerned about environment than you.
By the way, gasoline is fuel obtained from crude oil, just like Diesel fuel is. If there’s oil in America, than there’s American diesel fuel, AND American Otto fuel, just as well.
An idiot driving a tank which guzzles tons of fuel is still an idiot, huge car and all.
It’s only your small brain that suck.
If you need more, just let me know.
Hey, Alex, here in America we have freedom of choice — well, at least for another week (if you are to believe the leftist media, that is) — so CONSUMERS are allowed to decide if they want to drive a big, gas guzzling tank, or a small, cramped economy car.
Oh, and contrary to what you (oh-so-sophisticated Europeans) and Al Gore think, the Earth is typically warmed and cooled via non-man-made parameters. I’ve been hearing for the last 30+ years that we (Americans) are causing either the next Global Ice-Age or Global Warming. It seems the scientists just can’t decide if we’re going to freeze to death or drown in the waters of the melting ice caps…
Ciao,
PJ
Great article. Id like to see more articles from you.
cheers…