Raising kids is about 1% gratification and 99% perspiration.. or something like that… anyway this isn’t the way it needs to be. Believe it or not psychologists now admit that lazy parenting is the best parenting. Why you ask? Because if your not happy your kids sure as shit won’t be happy. So go on, reach for another beer, pick up the remote control and let your kids know that you have needs too! Now I can’t say I have all the answers.. (after all I don’t even have kids) but I do have some important guild lines that you can follow that I think will lead to fantastically balanced children.
Arm Wresting
Take every opportunity to arm wrestle with your children. This will teach them how to lose with dignity and let them know who is boss. Stop when they are big enough to win.
Surprises
Kids love to be kept on their toes. Children get bored super easy, so liven things up by creating a fun and totally unpredictable household. Cook them dinner at any time between four & midnight. Come home from work at random hours… preferably with wild swings in time each day. Promise to take them to Notts Scary Farm and then forget you ever mentioned it. Lose your temper, then laugh hysterically.
Honesty
Always be honest. No matter what. Fo example if your child does something stupid, make eye contact and say “You are really stupid.” Then give them contructive advice: “Do it like this, stupid …”
Wants
Stop pester power by giving your children anything they want. The novelty will soon wear off, and by the time they are 16 they will have renounced capitalism and become a priest or nun. That way you avoid the really big expenses like a car, college & a wedding.
Imaginary Friends
A child who tells you that she has an imaginary friend is pulling one over on you. I’ll prove it, wrap up an empty box for her birthday and tell her it’s an imaginary Play Station 3. The imaginary friend will soon make a swift disappearance
Love
Kids love to be helpful and they also love to be loved. When communicating with your child foster a feeling of love in your children by starting sentences with “I’ll love you if…” For example: “I’ll love you if you fetch me the remote control… I’ll love you if you wash the dishes… I’ll love you if you pester your mom into making potato soup.
Rain
When your child finally asks you where rain comes from, tell him that it’s God crying because of something he did.
Role Models
Healthy competition between children is a wonderful thing. You can raise a great child by constantly comparing them to other children… “Why can’t you be more like…”
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LOL.
I wanted to have children with him someday… until I read this post. Now I’m not even sure if I should leave Meisha in his care.
Wow. Finally my childrearing techniques are validated! And here’s a bonus tip: Immediately following thanksgiving, have a family atheism conversion ceremony involving beer and watching of football. Saves *tons* of money over the hoidays!
Yea, thats it.. Lazy parenting. We’re all seeing the so-called benefits of this disgusting style of raising children all around us. Rude, self-centered, shallow, instant-gratification instead of patience, wants before needs and so on. Just like their whacked out mommies and daddies of today and a generation prior. One more generation of this style of raising children and we’re finished.
Oh Mike, Mike, Mike… good thing we have you to teach us the ways of good parenting…
Hey, I’ll second his complaint.
As the current President of our local PTA, I see a lot more of the kids in school than I have before… and quite frankly, many of them are out of control. I don’t blame the kids for being wild, disrespectful brats — I blame their parents!
Well, I’m not sure Mike got that Christopher’s post was a bit facetious. From his response, I think the joke was over his head.
Funny though, PJ, you don’t want gov’t to get involved in intervening when parents are doing things to actually harm or jeopardize their kids, but you don’t seem to trust them to even teach their kids how to behave properly in school. Kind of sounds like you’re speaking out of both sides of your mouth.
BTW… I agree that in most cases, it’s the fault of the parents– who basically are having kids because they want kids, not because they want to be parents. There’s a difference.
“Funny though, PJ, you don’t want gov’t to get involved in intervening when parents are doing things to actually harm or jeopardize their kids, but you don’t seem to trust them to even teach their kids how to behave properly in school. Kind of sounds like you’re speaking out of both sides of your mouth.”
I want parents to be better parents and take responsibility for their children’s behavior in school (and stores, restaurants, etc.). I don’t want the government involved in my family decisions and I want schools to teach facts and how to learn, not baby sitting (or worse, raising) kids and teaching their own politically-correct social doctrine.
I don’t see a conflict in that statement with anything else that I’ve written including the long comment I just left on the manslaughter post.
I would add one point to clarify a misconception about my position — government should step in when a child is harmed (or as I phrased it, when a crime has been committed). It’s that gray area of what “jeopardizes” the kids that worries me.
Most of us know “bad parenting” when we see it, but quantifying “bad parenting” into law is extremely problematic. What rises to the level of a crime? To some people, spanking is barbaric behavior and should qualify as child abuse. To most people, spanking is an act of corporal punishment which works in some circumstances.
after reading that I dont think that I’m going to have any kids and time soon. I would rather stay with ruber.
I’m not suggesting it’s a black and white, easy answer. When you see teenagers who have killed another kid, or robbed, or raped, or whatever… maybe the parents didn’t commit a crime, but nothing about the way those kids were raised was right. It wasn’t good for the child and certainly not good for whomever their victim was. I’m not talking about parents who spank their kids (even though I personally don’t believe in that), I’m talking about parents who create an environment in which their child can grow up having no ability to experience empathy, no drive to do anything but steal, doesn’t care if the kid is ever educated, etc.
I’m reading a book right now called “Switching Time” by Dr. Baer about a severely abused woman (abused as a child by her parents) and ended up having MPD. It’s an account of her abuse and how he finally helped her reintegrate all her personalities back into one. It’s horrifying that people can do anything like this to their kids. In Detroit this week, a man was just arrested for SEXUALLY abusing his 9 DAY OLD baby girl and killing her. In Canada, the 20 year old son of a woman in a cult where “free love on children” was practiced, went back and murdered one of the women who abused him when he was nine before killing himself. Almost thirty children who grew up in that “religion” have now committed suicide.
There are some people who simply cannot be trusted to care of children. We can’t stop them from having them, but we can take the children away and protect them.
I know a 20 year old girl with four kids, on welfare, who has decided to “home school” her 6 year old because she does’nt want to have to get up so early to take him to kindergarten. The mother was a high school drop out, as was the father, who is also unemployed except for his part time job. This is the kind of stuff that’s not okay. These kids will have a hard futures and that affects all of us. There are some things that can’t be predicted or controlled or prevented, but this, to me, doesn’t seem like one of those things.
“I know a 20 year old girl with four kids, on welfare, who has decided to “home school” her 6 year old because she does’nt want to have to get up so early to take him to kindergarten. The mother was a high school drop out, as was the father, who is also unemployed except for his part time job. This is the kind of stuff that’s not okay. These kids will have a hard futures and that affects all of us. There are some things that can’t be predicted or controlled or prevented, but this, to me, doesn’t seem like one of those things.”
I understand what you’re saying and I don’t entirely disagree with it, but it seems to me that the government in not the solution. I look at your statement above and think “Was this mom a product of the welfare state too?” Will taking her children away and putting them in a(nother) state-run program be the best answer? I tend to revert to that Biblical concept of “you can give a man a fish…”
As for your other examples… well, evil does exist in the world. Perhaps people need to put God back in their lives. Not through a state sanctioned religion or anything like that, just having good moral judgment and having empathy for their fellow mankind.
Now, what about USC vs. Illinois on Jan 1st? I read last night where USC has played in 31 of the 93 Rose Bowls and has won 22 of them. Not too shabby for the condom warriors of the pigskin!
I’m not sure putting God in your life is the answer. I know aetheists and agnostics who don’t seem to be having this kind of problem with their kids. And in the case of the Christian Scientists, God is in their life. In addition, sitting around saying people should find God and solve their problems is a very easy thing to do… I just tried it and it didn’t take much effort at all. I’m sure that if we just suggest that to the people who are abusing their children, they’ll respond with “Oh, okay. Fuck, I hadn’t thought of that.”
And yes, ‘SC likes to win Rosebowl Championships.
I must admit, in my own warped and perverse imagination, I sometimes think people should be issued licenses to have and raise children.
Sometimes.
WTF is a “Rosebowl Championships” spare me… 33 times USC has been the best team from the Pathetic Ten and managed to make it to a guaranteed Bowl game by being that best team… out of 10 average ones….
As far as bringing “God” back into the equation.. I’ve got to say I think I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the other on this subject.. I gotten to the point where I think religion is a tool for manipulation … check out the movie “Jesus Camp” .
I had to rent a car yesterday because God is punishing me for my attacks on organized religion however, on my way in I was listening to someone talk about finances and how to get out of dept and budget correctly. Tip #1… give 10% to 20% to the church.. WTF, how about paying off your mortgage or credit cards, or save some money for a rainy day. Giving 10% of your income to the church so God can take care of you is downright manipulative.
I realize this was a religious nutcase radio show but still there are major chucks of society that sign up for this… and we think radical Islam’s are crazy.
The interesting thing about that though is that money is a worldly thing… God is about spirituality. According to the Christian Bible, the only thing you need to do to go to Heaven is accept Jesus Christ as your savior. Money is only a part of that equation once you start to blur the lines between spirituality and religion. The church wants money, not God.
“The church wants money, not God.”
I’m not sure how you meant that, Christine. Are you saying God doesn’t care about money, or that the church doesn’t really care about God??
Btw, not all Christian denominations accept that faith is the only thing you need in order to be saved. Some believe that you need Christian acts as well as faith.
Well, according to many Christians I know, God definitely cares about money and God also cares about status and power. Thus, a good friend of mine’s recent testimony about how she and her husband were faithful (whatever that means…oh, I think she was discussing the perils of pre-marital sex) and in return, God blessed them with luxury cars (Acura and Mercedes), money to have a big wedding, etc. I thought it was interesting that God, who/which is presumably spiritual actually buys into our human notions of status (i.e., driving a luxury car or being able to spend thousands of dollars on your wedding) when, by definition, status is shallow, concerned with the outside appearance and the least of anything spiritual. In fact, that seems quite the antithesis of Christianity. On the other hand, I can’t really fault the Christians for that since there are scriptures in the biblical canon that discuss God as the source of material prosperity. Job is a perfect example.
Chris, though to be fair, the principle of tithing is not always about manipulation. It does in part teach people how to do something that causes them to accumulate massive debt in the first place: to budget. I’ve heard so many people say in a weekly Bible study I attend that once they started to tithe on a regular basis, God helped them get out of debt. By having to give over 10% of their income, they learned how to prioritize when spending, learned spiritual principles about debt (that is, the money you owe isn’t really yours like the money you tithe isn’t really yours), etc. Basically, people learn how to budget and to take care of money. These individuals just seems to respond to faith and religion where you might respond to something else.
“10 to 20%” ? …Hmph, I remember when tithe just meant “10%”… Guess that’s inflation for ya…
Christopher is right, why over complicate something as simple as raising children? It’s not the proverbial rocket science you know… Look at Tarzan and Mowgli, they were raised by apes and assorted jungle creatures and they turned out just fine…
Children need to take some personal accountability for chrissakes, they think they can get away with blue-murder just ’cause they’re kids…
The human child is the most insipid and pathetic creature in the animal kingdom, it takes 18 – 21 years before they can act with any autonomy… Baby horses can walk and run when only a few hours old, baby chimps cling competently to their mom’s back immediately after birth, and most animal offspring don’t even meet their mama’s and papa’s, they’re left in the nest to fend for themselves right after hatching…
We should ask ourselves, WWJD? What Would Jaguars Do?
Mara, I just orgasmed in my pants a little…
I tithe 40%… but I call it alimony…
rofl…
Mara, your right… but the idea that “God help me get out of debt” is a little delusionary.. how about your learned to budget through the church who wanted 10% of your money and knew the only way to achieve that was to teach you to budget.
“God helps those who help themself…”
“Those who help themself also help themself”
Maybe God only means for *some* of us to wealthy, successful, and incredibly sexy. Otherwise, (s)he would have given everyone my keen intellect and my thick, long rock-hard member.
“Mara, I just orgasmed in my pants a little…” — Trouble, please consult your local doctor. I’ve heard there’s a lot they can do with ED these days!
Don’t confuse premature ejaculation with erectile dysfunction…
…besides, as all my ex-girlfriends [with the exception of one... Hey! I was under a lot of stress at work...] will abet, I was being completely allegorical. (w)
I was not purporting to make an actual diagnosis of your andrology issues, Trouble. In layman’s term — well, in MY book anyway — premature ejaculation (or retarded ejaculation for that matter) *is* an erectile dysfunction — just go ask that one ex-girlfriend of yours!! This development certainly brings to mind a whole new reason for your pseudonym… hmmm.
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Not to worry, ladies, I am JUST KIDDING. All is well on Trouble Island!! Just go ask Delilah — she’s witnessed the lengths and depths of his virility…
“but the idea that “God help me get out of debt” is a little delusionary.. how about your learned to budget through the church who wanted 10% of your money and knew the only way to achieve that was to teach you to budget. ”
Well, yes exactly. I must admit whenever I hear this I want to chuckle out loud but out of respect…I don’t. At least not in their faces. But I also laugh (or want to secretly) when people say God blessed with a Mercedes as my dear friend. Maybe I should pray for one…
Trouble — she’s giving you the cold shoulder, dude. She’s not even going to acknowledge that you made the comment… :s … or maybe ;(
I call that last one an antipodean innuendo… i.e. making a direct sexual reference in the statement, which is meant to be taken completely non-sexually on the whole… :s
…and by the way… I have no andrology issues… I DO have an androgenous issue… But I like it that way, no girl children yet, hence no need to shell out for a quality shotgun… [note the double-entente...]
…and by the way again… Trouble is NOT a pseudonym… It is in fact, my middle name…
…Please also note that it is spelled with a capital “T”… (c)
Jesus Christ Lord Almighty — we may be related! My mom used to tell me that was MY middle name too!
I suspect it’s more like Bill Cosby believing his name was Jesus Christ — (as in) dad would always say “Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with you boy?”
Don’t forget his little brother Godammit… Hmm bro, looks like I am legend & you are the Omega man at this here lil’ ole website…
??
I mean, quasi-obscure references and all aside… Varda bloke, this ken is maunged mate, I’va mind tae don mi swishin’ feather boa, gildy batts, slap say zoosh kaffies on ma trummus, ken me? Right funky clobber mind, and bevvy up, locate a sweet dupe and screetch lone Parlare at her ’till she ‘lows me tae clean ‘er cage out, savvi?…
[okay, spelling it out --->] “I AM LEGEND” – written by umm, … somethin’… Mathison [Robert?] about the sole survivor of a plague, named Neville something, who lives in a fortified apartment in New York [<---citation needed] and has to fight vampires at night, made into a movie with Charlie Heston back when you were a teenager, called the Omega [last] man? ‘member?
I was alluding to how we seem to be the only ones left on this here website…
Andah’supose yeel’be wantin’ transcript’athe last comment tae nuh?
Here you go, “Look man, this place is dead/boring bro, I have a good mind to go and put on my fancy feather boa, stylish shoes, pull on some nice pants, know what I mean? Some very stylish clothes, understand? Drink until I’m drunk, find a sweet young bimbo, and talk her into allowing me to perform cunnilingus on her, know what I’m saying?”
… I mean, the only other person on the recent comment list is anonymous and believes in love at first sight for chrissakes… (b) time
Ummm, yeah… sure… whatever you just said…
PLEASE step away from the keyboard! This is your last warning…
Wow, I fu(ked up CvC again while trying to be cute… at least the comment showed up in “recently said” — well, at least part of it did. I haven’t a clue what happened above… :$
SORRY!!
I getting to be more like Mara (don’t even think about it, TtP) — I miss Threesome Thursdays…
…if memory serves, you have single-handedly broken CvC more than any other… (y)
…and yes, I’m bored…
God, I wonder if Christopher is still alive… you know Christine has apparently tried to kill him on (at least one) occasion — and she is reportedly in Canada… perhaps avoiding prosecution for his murder??? Maybe Mara will represent Christine… I bet she’s a good attorney…. but then again, maybe they really are lesbian lovers and she shouldn’t represent her… or perhaps they are one and the same… there is that theory out there, you know… I’m bored too… even though it is finals week and I’m busting my ass off trying to get all of these last minute changes entered into the student information system AND the god-damned systems keep falling off line for 3-4 hours… no, I’m under NO PRESSURE… I don’t even feel the stress anymore… damn it, where’d the fu(king rhum in my desk drawer go??
Mara took a break from Bar study to see what you lads have been up to. Apparently not too much…
ROTFL…
Mara: Actually, Trouble and I were getting worried. We haven’t seen hide nor hair of Christopher since he posted the Penn State / Virginia Tech story and Christine seems to be snow-bound in the Great White North with a case of oral herpes!!!
We’re almost half way through December and we’ve only had 2 new posts since Nov. 24th. I’m sure they are very busy, but I do miss Christopher’s enticing pictures of women with large breasts… those pictures used to
cumcome much more frequently!Best of luck on the Bar exam! I’m sure you will pass with flying colors!
Ya, I’m still alive… it’s Friday so I can’t even bring back a special edition of Threesome Thursday.. Christine should return to America soon.. so hopefully things will return to normal. I have just been remarkably busy lately.. and each time I find something to rant about Christine informs me that our readers don’t care about that.
Rant about large breasts… we care
Hope things return to “normal” for you soon!
When I told Christopher I miss sleeping with him while I’m up here, he said “I hope you don’t mean ‘sleep’ sleep.” Actually, yeah, that is what I meant.
BTW, I successfully avoided getting a cold sore at all… I’m not sure if the genital herpes medication prevented it, or if I was just paranoid and there might not have been a potential cold sore at all. Oh well, doesn’t matter.
Canada has been “tres bien”, but I’m looking forward to leaving the land of poutine and smoked meat and hockey for something slightly more Christine-friendly (warm weather, 7-11s on every corner, and Spanglish instead of French).