Ten Reasons Why I Hate Corn Dogs

1. The corn breading on the outside tastes nothing like corn bread.

2. The hot dog on the inside is usually shriveled and malformed suggesting it is inferior to the more visually aesthetic hot dogs that are destined to be served in buns.

3. The stick is only convenient for the first few bites. After that, you have to start eating from the sides, ensuring that eventually you will have to balance the last couple of bites on the deceptively narrow stick which is almost impossible to do, and more often than not, the last bite, no longer anchored, falls off the stick and onto the ground.

4. If you dip your corn dog into ketchup, the hot dog on a stick design inhibits you from really controlling how much ketchup gets on any one bite.

5. It’s impossible to put relish on a corn dog, eliminating one of the three most popular hot dog condiments.

6. The part of the breading closest to the stick’s handle often gets too dark and chewy.

7. They are the cheapest thing you can buy at CostCo implying that they may not be made of the freshest, most desirable ingredients.

8. They can roll around on one of those mechanical heaters all day and unlike any other consumable substance, remain virtually unchanged eight hours later.

9. They don’t taste good and leave you wishing you’d had a real hot dog because that’s what you were hungry for anyway.

10. If you try to grill a corn dog, it will catch fire and fall through the grates.