Just when you think you’ve met the biggest asshole ever, it turns out you probably haven’t. Unless, of course, you’ve had the pleasure of meeting one of the congregation members of the Westboro Baptist Church headquartered in good ole Topeka, Kansas. If you’re not familiar with this passionately active group of morally upstanding citizens, you can learn all about their doctrine on their website (www.godhatesfags.com). That is not, to give them more press, but I think it’s important to be aware that psychos like this exist, and spread their insecurity and hatred by harrassing the families of recently the recently deceased by picketing funerals.

The crux of their incredibly insightful belief system is basically this– bad things (like death) happen in America because God hates America. Why does God hate America? Because America doesn’t persecute homosexuals. So in line with this logical and rational line of thinking, the god-fearing folks at WBC have come to some very reasonable conclusions that the rest of us may have glossed over… here are a few:

God killed Heath Ledger because he played a homosexual in “Brokeback Mountain.”
The fact that Jake Gyellenhaal is still alive means…?

The tornado that swept across five states last week and killed more than 50 people was God’s subtle way of showing his distaste for the U.S.
I’m irritated that my fourth grade science curriculum forced me to learn a much more complex and convoluted, yet scientifically-based explanation– something about abundant low level moisture and updrafts?

God hates the U.S. military because it allows gays to serve, and therefore caused Marine Cpl. Cesar Laurean to rape, murder, and burn pregnant Marine Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach.
But she wasn’t gay… and neither was he… so… could you just explain that connection one more time??

It’s all so simple, I’m surprised the rest of us didn’t get it earlier.

Their website is quite the interesting read. On it, one will find:

A schedule of funerals around the country that the WBC plans to picket, along with obscure and sometimes unintelligible explanations as to why the deceased was connected to homosexuality or the advocation or homosexuality (or sometimes, when they can’t find that link, they just connect the person to the evil United States).

A video in which WBC members explain what their picket signs mean– because contrary to the belief that picket signs should convey what’s being protested, most of their’s… don’t. So verbal explanation is also necessary.

A list of current events in which people have been killed all over the world which clearly proves that God does hate fags.

Photos of church members’ impressionable young offspring shouting hate messages and holding signs as they progress through the indoctrination process.

And links to articles about how God decided to attack America the night that a Topeka man, Kent Lindstrom, set off a pipe-bomb (which police described as a big firecracker) in the Westboro Baptist Church.
I, for one, have always thought that Kent Lindstrom should represent the United States… oh wait, I didn’t mean Kent Lindstrom… I meant the President. But it’s probably a safe assumption that Kent’s feelings toward your church accurately represent those of the rest of the country.

Oh, and don’t let me forget… the blog post about how the September 11th attacks were God’s way of punishing America for rejecting Him.

I’m all for freedom of religion and every individual’s freedom to practice whatever whacked out belief they want to practice in the name of God, but that support ends the moment one feels the “right” to harass a mourning family by picketing and holding up signs suggesting God hates the deceased. These people are the reason states are adopting laws preventing protests at funerals– as pathetic as it is, laws like that are apparently necessary.

My personal opinion, is that all these WBC hatemongers are in for a big surprise when they die, expecting to arrive in a fag-free paradise and find out that the Christian God they’ve been harassing folks in the name of, isn’t all that supportive of their efforts. Since God apparently sends messages of hate through violence, could Kent’s little pipe bomb been God’s way of tactfully suggesting that the Westboro Church stop tossing His name around?

I don’t profess to know much about religion, but I did spend a few summers in Vacation Bible School and I will point out these few basic Christian notions (since they may not have read this far in the Bible yet) to the Westboro Bible Toters:

God’s message is one of love. The concept that God “hates” any of His children is a paradox in and of itself. Now aware of this, I suggest you update your web address from www.godhatesfags.com to “thewestborobaptistchuchhatesfags.com”. Let’s not speak for God when He hasn’t asked us to.

If death on earth is a punishment from God, then you must not be expecting much in the afterlife. Given your actions, you’re probably on to something there.

If the basis of your dogma is a belief in predestination (there’s a painfully long explanation of this on the site), then why does one need to picket or “educate” the general masses which is presumably, to influence their life decisions?

I’m just curious. Actually, no I’m not.