So Christopher expressed some disappointment recently with my ability to come up with nasty, dirty little things to say to him in bed. It happened the other night when he’d just taken my clothes off and whispered in my ear in his husky, throaty voice, “What do you want me to do to you?” Ahhh… what a question, right? Basically, he’s implying he’ll do anything I want, inviting me to take control, grab the reins, express my kinkiest fantasies at a moment when he can make them come true.
Unfortunately, I choked.
Instead of taking the opportunity to talk out one of the many fantasies that run through my head every night– the kind where he plays his role perfectly, I say… “What do you want to do to me?”
He stopped and looked at me, his eyebrow raised. “What happened to my creative little writer who’s so good with words? Is that the best you can do…?”
At that moment, it sort of was. I’d drawn a blank, like that kid on a Christmas Story who couldn’t remember he wanted a Red Ryder B.B. gun at the time it mattered most. What do I want him to do to me? I thought. Even as visual images of Christopher doing all kinds of naughty things flashed through my head, I couldn’t seem to describe them.
Afterward, I realized why this is. My fantasies are fairly complex. Other women wouldn’t find them complex, but men would. For the gender that’s fantasy can be as simple as looking down and seeing your lips wrapped around his dick as you stare up at him, my fantasies would seem complex.
I once started to describe a fantasy to Christopher and after about ten minutes of explaining all the backstory he needed to fully understand why these two people had come to this sexually intense situation I was about to describe, his eyes glazed over, and I could tell my window of opportunity to keep him in the mood had passed.
After I’d asked him what some of his fantasies were, I realized we weren’t on the same page. We weren’t even reading the same book.
“What’s one of your fantasies?” I asked.
“I come home after work and you’re making me dinner wearing absolutely nothing and I bend you over and do you right there in the kitchen.”
That was it. One sentence. Simple. To the point. Easy to act out. It didn’t require castles and princess costumes and chains like mine did. It didn’t require him to get a special tattoo that proved he was in the king’s secret order of knights, and therefore worthy of having me even though I out-ranked him as the king’s only surviving daughter when the castle was stormed, my entire family killed, and I was taken prisoner and held in a brothel because I’d been clever enough to put on servant’s clothes before the big, nasty soldiers broke down the door, rounded us up, and carried it off. His wasn’t like that. His involved just fucking someplace besides the bedroom. Mine had intrigue, suspense, romance. Not better, just different.
I realized that while my writer’s mind could come up with countless involved fantasies, it wasn’t easy to just spout off the answer to his question while we were having real sex. I had dirty talk writer’s block.
But… I aim to please. So… I’ve now compiled a list of nasty things to say to Christopher the next time he’s slipping off my clothes and whispers, “Are you my naughty little girl?”
I’d tell you what they are, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise. 
Classic.
Ok this post is like 99% true… amazing. I didn’t think she was listening.. now u guys have to understand she can write an essay about how paper clicks are the most useful office supply but not come up with a creative line about me stabbing in her the bum?
It wasn’t a complaint more like an observation. I had thought that she had forgotten about the tattoo.
It’s obvious Christine, that you’re confusing ‘fantasy & role playing’ with ‘talking dirty… The latter is a simple formula…
You say something along the lines of:
Please ?????? me in my ??????? really, really ??????? ’cause I’m a ??????, ??????? girl and I [need/want/have-to-have] your ??????, ?????? [??????] deep ?????? my ?????? until my ?????? is totally ???????
Insert the explitive of your choice wherever there is a ‘???????’
Got it now?
Hehe. Yep.
Yes, it is very true.
Just wish this topic would be more open and discussed widely in real world.
Brian.
Sometimes you just have to give a little to get a little… I had to admit that some diamonds might actually be “old” and in response Christine stepped up the dirty talk.
Now I won’t say that she this is coming easy for her.. I can see on her face she really wants to spin complicated versions each times she say’s something dirty.. but when the look starts to enter her eye.. I just give her a nice smack on the ass and it straights her right out.
This is old, but what the heck.
Christine, since you’re a writer, why not just write out your fantasy? Turn it into a short story, or a novella if there’s the need. Christopher can read it at his leisure and later you can figure out which scenes you want to act out.
Hmmm, I’m a writer too…. I wonder if she’d like a little bedtime reading material?
:s
OK guys…so where can I look to find some suggested “topics of conversation” that would be great to say in bed. I too am at times at a lost for words and I tire of saying the same stuff over and over. I need new material. Where can I find some?
Ha! It’s true… I’ve made a conscious effort to step up the dirty talk without making it all complicated… and to answer your question, yes, I do write little short stories for Christopher’s amusement and email them to him (usually when he’s at work) because I like the idea of him knowing he has to wait until he gets home… or trying not to get a hard-on when he’s at his desk.
I know, I know…
Here are my suggestions, Marsha, for “topics” of conversation in bed:
1. “I bet you’d like to… [insert list of things he might like to do to your ass]”
2. “I bet you’d like to… [insert list of things he might like to do to your pussy]”
3. “I bet you’d like to… [insert list of things he might like to do to your mouth]”
4. “You know what I want to do to you sometime? I’d love to… [insert list of things you could do to him while he's driving]”
5. “You know what I want to do to you sometime? I’d love to… [insert list of things you could do to him while he's sleeping]”
6. “You know what I want to do to you sometime? I’d love to… [insert list of things you could do to him while he's lifting weights]”
7. “You know what I want to do to you sometime? I’d love to… [insert list of things you could do to him while he's working]”
8. “You know what I want to do to you sometime? I’d love to… [insert list of things you could do to him while he's in the shower]”
9. “You know what I want to do to you sometime? I’d love to… [insert list of things you could do to him while you guys are out on a hike]”
10. “You know what I want to do to you sometime? I’d love to… [insert list of things you could do to him while you're in a movie theater]”
11. You know what I keep having a fantasy about? I keep getting these thoughts about you and I in a restaurant and you…”
12. You know what I keep having a fantasy about? I keep getting these thoughts about you and I at a football game and you…”
13. You know what I keep having a fantasy about? I keep getting these thoughts about you and I washing the cars and you…”
14. You know what I keep having a fantasy about? I keep getting these thoughts about you and I lying on the beach and you…”
15. You know what I keep having a fantasy about? I keep getting these thoughts about you and I in the jacuzzi and you…”
Stuff along those lines seem to be working pretty well. Short, to the point, and the number of permutations is practically endless.
My sister sent this URL to me and told me to check it out! I have to say: I think this site is wonderfully hilarious and great for couples ‘lost in life’.
Speaking of short stories and role playing, I have a probably old one but was very effective!
After 13 years of marriage, 2 daughters, several pets and various jobs I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up! I am currently in college and have been stressed to the max with homework, work-work and daily life! I decided to take a month off from school to rest my brain, re-organize a house that has been neglected for a year and just simply enjoy some mindless fun. Last night my final paper was due for my last class. I can’t tell you the elation I felt once I submitted that paper, what a relief! d
So it was time for bed and I was more than ready to enjoy a delightful night of sleep then start my fabulous ‘vacation’. My cleaver husband was lying in bed while I ran around the house doing my nightly routine; he announced that I was a naughty college student on spring break who needed to ‘blow’ off some cock! My eyebrow rose and he could see my mind churning with fantasy thoughts.
My husband became my professor who I have been watching and fantasizing about all semester! Not to mention my final grade was ‘riding’ on this encounter!
Our bedroom became the professor’s classroom, our bed became his desk and one of our walls became the chalk board!
I’ll leave the juicy details to the minds of the creative and just say: I received an A+ and the professor promised to call me the next day! )
Cheri… if you haven’t purused our site long enough to find THIS POST, you might enjoy it. Hehe.
Those were good Christine… A friend of mine has actually done the role playing of going into a bar with his girlfriend, he told me about this ages ago… Thanks for the refresher….
I had noticed as I scanned through the site yesterday that some posts had expired, so could not veiw…
I do have a question… How do I put the emoticons in the text??
Cheri,
Some posts had expired.. yikes! Yes we are in the process of updating all of our old old posts.. (because when we started this we were lame and did all kind of no no’s with our HTML).
You can put icons into text by selecting from the little images above the comment bar.
OMG! I love this, indeed the comment that you left where you stated all the frazes that you could us to make your partner horny were just out of this world! I am looking forword to using some of these with my girlfriend while she least expects it. Thank You so much! :p
Maybe not when she “least expects it”. But I’m glad we could be of help.
wtf is rong with u people, if u want him to fuck u, say what you want. its not that difficult. I want your cock deep inside my wet pussy, things like that, not that fucking hard, get a life u virgins
wtf is rong with u people, if u want him to fuck u, say what you want. its not that difficult. I want your cock deep inside my wet pussy, things like that, not that fucking hard, get a life
wtf is rong with u people, if u want him to fuck u, say what you want. its not that difficult. I want your cock deep inside my wet pussy, things like that, not that fucking hard, get a life
wtf is rong with u people, if u want him to fuck u, say what you want. its not that difficult. I want your cock deep inside my wet pussy, things like that, not that fucking hard, get a life
You seem… redundant.
Very interesting post. I will read your other articles as well.
However, I think it’s best when guy leads and talks dirty to his woman first.