The Baby Name Controversy

Posted on November 20th, 2006 by Christine.
Categories: Sex and Relationships, True Story.

Don’t worry, I’m not pregnant (at least as far as I know, I’m not)… but since Christopher and I are the king (and queen) of having discussions and often arguments about things that don’t yet have any relevance in our lives, I figured I’d share our latest one with you.

Last night, we’re at Blockbuster looking for a movie. As we peruse the aisles in “let’s carry it around mode” which basically means, we can’t decide what movie we want, we see one we might want, so we “carry it around” the store in case we find something better, which usually ends up with us having six movies we sort of want to see (but not really) by the time we hit the last aisle and then we spend fifteen minutes going over the plus and minuses of each movie until we reluctantly take one to the counter (last night’s choice ended up being “Kicking and Screaming”). But that’s beside the point.

I’m walking through the new releases when Christopher appears at my side, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. There is some sort of Gladiator looking DVD in his hand. My heart rate jumps. Oh God… not another gladiator movie I think, figuring we’d have to add it to our “carry it around” pile. But that’s not what Christopher had in mind at all.

“Christine… look.” He points to the title which is “Beowulf and Grendel.” I look.

“Yeah?” I say, ready to protest its addition to our pile.

“We should name our kid Grendel,” he says. And he’s completely serious. I just look at him for a moment wondering if I heard him correctly.

“What?” I ask.

“If we ever have a kid, we should name him Grendel. That’s a kick-ass name.”

His eyes are still aglow and I know he really believes his discovered the perfect name for our unconceived child. Grendel I think, trying to pronounce the word I’d never before even spoken in my head, my internal voice stumbling over the “Gr” blend, then again over the schwa of the second “e.”

“No,” I say.

Christopher’s eyes widen as if he’s truly surprised I nixed it so quickly. “No?”

“No names that have ever had the word “Augustus” before them,” coming up with a new baby-naming rule on the spot. Now he’s even more shocked.

In complete seriousness, he says, “Why not????”

I just look into his eyes– pools of wonder as if he’s desperately trying to wrap his mind around the concept of how naming a child after a historic figure of the Roman Empire could possibly be bad… I could tell that in Christopher’s mind, it showed strength, savvy, ambition, unwillingness to accept defeat…

“No Maximus… no Aurelias… none of those,” I say, clarifying so that we don’t have to pre-emptively go through the list.

Christopher’s shoulders sink. He exhales. He turns and walks back to the “B” aisle to return Beowulf & Grendel to its proper spot.

I breathe a sigh of relief and think back to make sure I took my birth control pill last night. I did… thank God. -)

17 comments.

Cute, Dumb & Fun - The Perfect Combo »« The Republican and the Democrat

Teresa the Virgin said this

You made my day! What a great entry. I’ve been helping promote the movie Beowulf & Grendel for over a year, and you made me laugh.

Of the two names, I think I would choose Grendel, too, becuase it’s much easier to say. But I kinda like Maximus Decimus Meridias, too.

Good thing my kids are already grown! )

November 20th, 2006

Sue the Virgin added

Actually, I prefer Beowulf. Christine, you should put B&G, as we lovingly call it, in your “carry around” pile and then take it home to watch. It is sort of dark, but the scenery is beautiful and the story is a classic. And Beowulf is actually a great (and Geat!) hero. A good namesake for your son to emulate. And Beowulf comes with a cool nickname built in…Wolf. What could be better?

November 20th, 2006

Christopher the Pyro thought this

Just for the record, Augustus is a great name, and I realize that this could someday be a great battle between us, but don’t worry I have lots of good names in my stash.. heck just look at the letter (N) Nero, Napoleon.

November 21st, 2006

James Wolfenstein the Virgin added

Beowulf and Grendel are not roman names. They’re saxon names. I agree with you, neither is really attractive nowadays and it gets a lot worse if you have an italian last name (Grendel Spallaveccino?… no way) or an asian one (Grendel Sakamura???? with the added bonus that your japanese relatives won’t be able to pronounce it properly (Gurenderu)) or any other non saxon one (Grendel Perez… hey, it doesn’t sound so bad after all… too muchs e’s though). I think that even some saxon last names won’t work either (Grendel Smith?!?!?!?!?!?!).
But the point is that your rule could backfire in the future. And don’t change it to “no saxon names”, you may regret that rule too.
Go check http://www.babynameguide.com/categoryanglo-saxon.asp
And remember that:
a) names mean nothing until you relate them to a person
b) your kids will be known as Kooky, Keeky, Chucky, Spooky and names won’t mean anything because they won’t be related to any person anymore
c) you have to take your pill ;oP

November 21st, 2006

Maximillian Alouicious Turgid Severus Durowanger the Virgin got all philosophical

What exactly is wrong with those names???

November 21st, 2006

Christine the Lioness chimed in with

Okay… so maybe we will rent “B&G.” And yes, I do realize that there were no Augustus Beowulfs or Augustus Grendel’s in Roman history. I was more referring to the “type” of name, but you said it better when you classified them as “Saxon” names. So just to be clear for my boy Christopher… no names that are Saxon, Old English, belonged to former Roman Gladiators or Kings, were first coined in any of the six Star Wars movies, or are derived from an NFL mascot. That pretty well sets the ground rules… although if there is a caveat, I’m sure Christopher will find it. -)

November 21st, 2006

Trouble the Pirate scribbled

Hey… ‘Caveat’ would make a GREAT name…

November 21st, 2006

Troilus Cressida Agamemnon Pandarus Montague Porpentine the Virgin spake, and sayeth

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word…

Although… That being said, I was called ‘Troll boy’ throughout my school career… And once or twice at work… Kids can be so cruel…
My therapist says I should try to get past it…

November 22nd, 2006

Anonymous the Virgin uttered

Whaa, whaa, whaa and boo-hoo… Try going through life with MY name… Sometimes I feel like no-one knows the REAL me…

November 22nd, 2006

John Doe the Virgin hunt n' pecked this

You said it buddy…

November 22nd, 2006

Trouble the Pirate uttered

Yes… I’m bored…

November 22nd, 2006

Variegated Psyche Cachexia the Virgin asserted

I completely agree with everything you have said…

Yeah, so do I…

And me too…

No, you’re all crazy…

November 22nd, 2006

Romulus Circus Banderas the Virgin asserted

Christopher & Christine are such booooooorrrrriiiinnng names, be a little more creative for Chrissakes…

How about Geronimo?

November 22nd, 2006

Trouble the Pirate mentioned

Okay, I’ll stop now…

November 22nd, 2006

Christine the Lioness mentioned

Darlin’… I think we need to help you find a hobby… -)

November 22nd, 2006

USELESS MAN the Virgin remarked

This is a GREAT site…. I browsed through from Blog Explosion, and wanted to tell you how great this site looks and works. I’ll be back for more (and to leave useless comments…

November 22nd, 2006

Christopher the Pyro commented

Thanks USELESS we look forward to your exceptional insight.

November 22nd, 2006

Feed for Battle of the Sexes : Chris vs Chris

Leave a comment

Names and emails are required (emails aren't displayed), url's are optional.

) (w) (u) p (y) (n) d (*) o) 8) ( (f) (g) (t) o (8) (l) (i) x (~) (e) $ (&amp) (c) ( s (d) (o) (@) (p) (^) (b) [


Fatal error: Call to undefined function show_subscription_checkbox() in /var/www/vhosts/chrisvschris.com/httpdocs/wp-content/themes/vistered-little-cvc/comments.php on line 93