The Duplicity of Men…

Posted on January 18th, 2007 by Christine.
Categories: Sex and Relationships.

Guys don’t know what the hell they want. Here’s proof:

Guys: “I like a woman who doesn’t peck at a salad every time we go out to eat or say she isn’t hungry. I want a woman who will eat a big, sloppy cheeseburger like that hot chick in the Carl’s Jr. commercial.”

That’s ridiculous. They want us to eat like a man, and look like a woman. Unless we’re willing to eat the double cheeseburger in front of them then nonchalantly excuse ourselves to the bathroom where we can puke it up, those two aren’t going to go hand in hand. And the last time I checked, most guys didn’t find the idea of their girlfriends binging and purging to be all that attractive.

Guys: “I want a woman who keeps her apartment and car really clean and neat.”

Sure, that’s what they want until you need to vacuum the carpet while they’re sitting on your couch watching t.v. because they don’t get the ESPN game plan on their own television so they’ve invited themselves over to watch it on yours. OR… they want you to keep your place clean until they’ve made plans to go out with their friends– and they want you to come with them– even though that was the night you had intended to whip your place into shape and do laundry. Suddenly… the place is still somehow supposed to get clean, but telling them that you can’t go out with their friends or that they can’t come watch your t.v. isn’t acceptable.

Guys: “I want a girl who will have sex with another girl so I can watch.”

Let’s be realistic about this one. You are dating her because she obviously likes to fuck men or she wouldn’t be your girlfriend. You want her to have sex with someone other than yourself. You just don’t want her to have sex with the entire group of people she naturally would like to have sex with– other men. Hey, if sleeping with someone besides you is okay… then it makes sense that the majority of those other people she wants to fuck will be of the same gender as you. That’s completely logical… yet somehow, the male mind wants to believe that it isn’t…

Guys: “I want a woman who doesn’t expect me to take her out to expensive dinners or buy her expensive things.”

And yet, they want us to simply tell them the things we’d like to have instead of thinking they should just know on their own. They don’t want to be expected to be mind readers, but they don’t like it if we subtly bring up that a friend received something really, really nice from her husband and that we think her husband is really, really cool for getting her that.

Guys: “I want a girl who can be one of the guys.”

Hardly. Once you start wearing just jeans and a t-shirt, you can expect they’ll wish you were dressing like a girl again.

Guys: “I get so sick of my girlfriend taking over an hour to get ready to go out– getting dressed, doing her hair and makeup, take forever. I want a woman who can be spontaneous and if on a whim, I say, hey, I’ll come get you and we can go to a movie that starts in fifteen minutes, she’ll say okay and we can go.”

He thinks he wants that until he comes to pick you up and can’t figure out why your hair is just thrown up in a ponytail, you’re not wearing makeup, and your nails aren’t done. Then he thinks you don’t take time to look good for him anymore when you go out.

Guys: “I want a girl who takes care of herself and eats healthy, and takes pride in taking care of herself physically.”

Until they stand in front of your refrigerator for ten minutes bitching about how you never have anything “good” for them to snack on when they come over.

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