The Sperm Sample

So… after only 2 hours of sleep and waking up at 4 AM to make a 7AM flight back to the good ole US of A… I get in a cab at 5AM and my very perky Irish cab driver (only in Canada, huh?) has apparently been awake and chipper for hours and can’t wait to spend the entire half hour drive to the airport telling me dirty jokes. A few were pretty funny… and I thought I’d pass this particular one on since I’d never heard it before and it made me laugh out loud. Here it goes…

An eighty-year old guy goes to the doctor and the doctor hands him a little plastic cup with the lid on it. He tells the old man to go home, jack off in the cup, and bring it back the next day. So the guy goes home and when he comes back the next day, the cup is empty.

“What happened?” asked the doctor. “You don’t need to fill it, but we need you to put at least a little in there.”

“I tried,” says the old man shaking his head, defeated. “I tried with my left hand and couldn’t. I tried with my right hand and couldn’t. I tried with both hands and couldn’t. My wife tried with her left hand and couldn’t. She couldn’t with her right hand either. Finally we called the neighbor who tried with both hands and her mouth…”

“You got your neighbor invovled?” asked the doctor, stunned. “And even with her mouth nothing happened???”

“Nope,” says the old man. “We all tried as hard as we could, but none of us could get the lid off the container.”