The Super F’d Up April Fool’s Joke

Posted on April 1st, 2007 by Christine.
Categories: True Story.

Seriously, I don’t know why I date Christopher. Last week, I wanted to marry him and spend my life with him, and today I spent the entire day tearing up every card and letter he ever wrote me… burning every picture I have of the two of us… I even shredded the super soft blanket he bought me for Christmas last year. Why? He’s an asshole.

So… you know I’ve sort of been in this whole “When are we getting married” mode and Christopher was pissed ‘cuz he felt like I was trying to guilt trip him into doing something he wasn’t ready to do yet. And I understood that. I didn’t want him to feel guilt tripped into marrying me, so I realized I needed to let up. Fine. Whatever.

So last night, we go out to dinner at a pretty nice place in San Pedro on the water. Dinner was great. The restaurant is one of our favorites. So then, we get in the car and Christopher asks if I want to go up to Palos Verdes for a drive and look out at the ocean. We sometimes go up there to watch the sunset and it’s really beautiful, so I say sure.

We get up there just after midnight, and it’s really dark, but you can hear the waves crashing below the cliff and the sky was clear so we could see stars and it was very romantic.

Chris asks me if I want to go for a walk and I tell him no because I didn’t have a jacket, but he had his leather jacket in the car, so I wore that and we started walking. So we’re walking and talking and we get to like this little clearing area where you can see the boats in the bay and we stop to watch for a moment when…

Christopher gets down on one knee and takes a box out of his pocket. At first, when he knelt down, I thought what is he doing??? Does he need to tie his shoe??? But then he grabbed my hand and looked up at me. I realized what was about to happen and my heart practically stopped.

“Christine,” he said… “I know you want to get married… and I know I told you I wasn’t ready and didn’t appreciate how you were trying to pressure me and everything… but…” He paused, then said… “Well, I guess this will speak for itself.”

As he started to open the box, it was like everything became slow motion. It was almost surreal… and everything about that moment grained itself into my memory… the sparkle of the stars above, the soft wind, the smell of his jacket, the sound of the waves breaking against the beach…

He opened the ring box and there was a tiny light in it, so it illuminated. But instead of an engagement ring… there was a piece of paper of some stupid little court jester thing with the words ‘Happy April Fools’ written on it.

He started laughing and stood up. I just stared at him. For the first time in my entire life, I couldn’t even speak. He handed me the box but I didn’t take it. I didn’t do anything.

He put his arm around me… “Come on, babe…” he was still chuckling. “That was funny. You totally thought I was gonna really propose.” I didn’t laugh. He started to get it… I was fucking pissed.

“Christine,” he said in the voice he always uses when he thinks he’s about to lay down the law. “Seriously, stop it. You need to get your sense of humor back.” I still didn’t laugh. I didn’t really know where my sense of humor was… but it wasn’t in Palos Verdes at that moment… that’s for sure.

“You’re an asshole.” I said.

“Come on… When I really propose to you, I’ll pick a better spot than this.” Like that was supposed to make me somehow feel better.

I took off his jacket, dropped it on the ground, and started to walk back toward the road, hoping I’d never see him again. He followed me and tried to coerce me into thinking it was really hilarious and I was somehow damaged for not being able to take a joke, but I kept walking. He went and got the car and drove next to me for a little while, but I ignored him. He even stopped, got out, stood in front of me, and told me to get into the car… that he was sorry.

I got in the car and told him to take me home. When we got to my place, he wanted to sit in the car and talk, but I got out and went inside. He’s called me three times today, but I haven’t returned his call. I just thought you all might like to know what an asshole Christopher really is… I mean it was pretty obvious from all his blog posts, but quite frankly, I never realized he’d be that way with me. Somehow, I thought I was exempt.

So that’s the story… I think it’s really messed up to let people believe something that isn’t true. Don’t you hate when someone does that to you on April Fool’s Day?

35 comments.

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eric the Lil' Devil commented

nice )

April 2nd, 2007

Mia the Groupie mentioned

Wow…….that’s just mean.

April 2nd, 2007

Christopher the Pyro pontificated

Our readers are a little slow today…

April 2nd, 2007

 pontificated

cute…hehe

April 2nd, 2007

Haas the Addict up'n wrote this

So christine how many did you fool with that story p

April 3rd, 2007

Christopher the Pyro spake, and sayeth

Not nearly enough… we did better last year )

April 3rd, 2007

Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this

Where the hell have you been, Haas??? You just pop in on April Fools Day to say hi now??? What’s up with that? Haven’t heard much from AJ either… we were starting to think India had fallen into the ocean or something but then we figured we would’ve heard about that. -)

This one was pretty good… but I think our post for last year was better.

April 3rd, 2007

Christopher the Pyro added

I wasn’t starting to think India was falling into the ocean… because all of our fucking customer service reps are still there. (n)

April 3rd, 2007

Trouble the Pirate up'n wrote this

I agree, last year was better, that was when you got Chris arrested right?… But nicely written Christine. (u)

April 3rd, 2007

Trouble the Pirate spake, and sayeth

Oh, just noticed the link… Must be getting old…

April 3rd, 2007

Ben the Kingpin said this

Christine,
You can always come and join the Rogers Commune ™. I’d treat you nicer. (After you cleaned the house, took care of the kids, brought me dinner and while you were drawing my bath.) )

April 3rd, 2007

Christopher the Pyro commented

lol…

April 4th, 2007

J the Virgin chimed in with

Sadly, I know some people who would actually do that. s

April 4th, 2007

Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this

Ben, despite the appeal of that offer… I think I might just be better off on my own… besides, I just read that St. Louis is the “most dangerous” city in the country according to MSN (number of violent crimes per capita).

April 4th, 2007

Benjamin Solah the Virgin up'n wrote this

I believed it for a sec and then I started to wonder, would you really break up with Christopher and announce in on this blog?

April 5th, 2007

Christopher the Pyro stated

What are you talking about.. that is par for the course with Christine.. I mean she usually doesn’t announce she is breaking up with me on the blog but she has announced it a few times… and she breaks up with me on a fairly regular basis. At least once every three weeks.. sometimes more.. )

April 5th, 2007

Christine the Lioness remarked

Ben, yes I would.

April 5th, 2007

Trouble the Pirate got all philosophical

Christine went to the same school as my girlfriend…

April 5th, 2007

Christopher the Pyro pontificated

Sorry Trouble.. I’m not allowed to compare Christine to your fucked up girlfriend… it causes the type of stuff I’m always looking to avoid.. (crying, yelling, stabbings)…

April 5th, 2007

Christine the Lioness uttered

Yikes… after what you’ve said about your g/f, Trouble… I hope not.

But what I was saying yes to is… that if I ever did break up with Christopher (he’s been 100% successful so far in talking me out of it obviously), I would probably announce it on the blog because I would be looking for a brand new Chris to take his place. Just kidding… I could never replace my Christopher… and despite all my prayers for just a normal boyfriend and a normal relationship, God keeps throwing him back into my life… I don’t get it… -)

April 5th, 2007

Christine the Lioness said this

That’s Christopher’s way of saying I’m not like Trouble’s nutty girlfriend without jeopardizing the “male bonding” he can have with Trouble? My question to the both of you is… if we (me and T’s g/f) are sooooo horrible and can’t hold intelligent conversations, and can’t give good lap dances, and can’t cook, and all the other bs… then why does Christopher try so hard to get me to change my mind when I try to break up with him? That part I don’t get…

April 5th, 2007

Christopher the Pyro commented

My statement to Trouble spoke volumes.. but only to Trouble.. and other men.. it is well beyond a womans ability to understand the meaning I was trying to get across.

April 5th, 2007

Christine the Lioness said this

Translation: “I agree with you, Trouble. My girlfriend is also a complete nightmare just like your’s, but I can’t say that here because she will read it and call me on it and then I’ll have to have a conversation I don’t want to have.”

That’s the meaning I got from it. I’m pretty sure I’m not too far off base… but cracking your supa intelligent cryptic code took quite a while. -)

April 6th, 2007

Christopher the Pyro stated

I want to know the guy who betrayed us and gave you the key to our complicated guy speak.

April 6th, 2007

Christine the Lioness got all philosophical

Well… it wasn’t that hard… I have yet to meet a man who will actually stand up for his woman at the expense of “male bonding.”

The difference between men and women:

Men will talk shit about their women to other men, even if they don’t think badly of their girlfriends/wives, just so other guys will think they’re cool.

Women will lie about their men to other women and tell them how great the guy is, even if they know they’re with a loser, just so their girlfriends will think they’re cool.

April 6th, 2007

Christopher the Pyro remarked

See.. I didn’t even agree and I’m taking shit. lol.

Trouble u suck.

Additionally I don’t agree at all with your statement Christine, I’ve known plenty of women who talk shit about their guy to other girls.

April 6th, 2007

Christine the Lioness spake, and sayeth

And you know this because… you were listening on the other side of the door with a cup pressed against it? Or was that the time you dressed up as a woman and went undercover?

There are certainly exceptions to every rule, but I still think in general, my statement holds true. The difference is really in the reaction…

If a guy talks shit about his woman, other guys will empathize for a minute, agree, have a bonding moment, and go on their way. If a woman talks shit about her guy, female friends will start with “Well, why are you with him? You could do so much better, honey…” and it will turn into a two-hour discussion leading to why she should leave him. THEN… those friends will tell all of their friends that so-and-so is stuck with some loser guy because she doesn’t have the self-esteem to know how great she really is and they should all send her supportive emails and stuff so she can finally cut that anchor loose and dump him, all the while, feeling a sense of superiority because at least their guy isn’t “that” bad, so they must be doing something right in their relationships, etc.

Women tend to not be all that honest about it if they’re with a loser– except with their very close friends. A guy could be with the best woman in the world and still complain because if he says to his guy friends who are bitching about their women “but… so-and-so isn’t like that… she’s really great” he’ll be chided and be told he’s pussy-whipped.

April 6th, 2007

Ben the Kingpin added

Christine,
Thankfully, I live about 30 miles west of St. Louis in a small, very secure and relatively crime-free area called “St. Peters”.

As for ths comment that you made:
“…and despite all my prayers for just a normal boyfriend and a normal relationship, God keeps throwing him back into my life… I don’t get it…”

Have you ever considered that you might be praying to the wrong god? o

April 9th, 2007

Christine the Lioness scribbled

Are you suggesting I’m a heathen???

s

April 9th, 2007

Christopher the Pyro commented

What he means is that you should stop worshiping my dick… however I prefer you on your knees in front of me saying “Oh Lord please bless me with y…” however I think you should keep your heathen ways… besides, as much as Christine wants to pretend I do give her nice surprises on occasion where things work out exactly the opposite of how she thought they would.

April 10th, 2007

Christine the Lioness said this

I don’t think Ben meant your dick, babe.

But I will admit that I get bored with “normal” pretty quick. And I wouldn’t trade my Christopher in for anyone else.

April 10th, 2007

Haas the Addict chimed in with

Ahh nice to know somebody would miss us if we disappeared off the face of the planet P
Christine, Aj has just switched jobs 8) and recently became an uncle o ) so he has not been that active online lately… I dont have much excuses but I do read all your posts (y)

April 11th, 2007

Christine the Lioness spake, and sayeth

Of course we would miss you guys!!! You two have been with us since the start. -)

Congrats to AJ on being a new uncle! And I’m glad you’re still reading, Haas… even if you’re just quietly doing it over in the corner. -)

April 11th, 2007

naisioxerloro the Virgin pontificated

Hi.
Good design, who make it?

November 29th, 2007

ProphetJoe the Irreverent said this

Picasso…

November 29th, 2007

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