What Do They Really Mean?

Posted on March 25th, 2005 by Christine.
Categories: Hilarious, Sex and Relationships.

“I am lactose intolerant.”
She means… “I will mercilessly fart like a demon crawled up my ass and died if I take a bite of your alfredo sauce.”

“I want to just be friends.”
She means… “I really can’t stand anything about you and I have no intention of ever talking to you again, but if I told you that, I’d seem like a real cunt-nut so I’ll pretend that you have some value to me on some level.”

“I want to just be friends.”
He means… “I don’t want to ever be obligated to spend money on you or time with you again, but I would still like to know that my call will be taken if I’m drunk and horny and need someone to fuck.”

“You’ve really improved.”
He means… “Whatever it is you’re attempting to do, you still suck at, and actually you suck just as badly as you did the first time you tried to do it, and you should probably just give up because continuing to persevere only proves what a complete failure you are.”

“I was hoping we could just have a quiet night in.”
He means… “Instead of spending any money on you, I’d like to save it for the horse races tomorrow and a couple of beers at the track, but I still want you to have sex with me, so I’m phrasing this as something romantic and I’m betting on the fact that you’re blonde enough that you won’t know the difference.”

“I was hoping we could just have a quiet night in.”
She means… “I’m so fucking sick of having to go out with you and your friends where you all act like a bunch of assholes by seeing how loud you can be and how much beer you can drink, so if you ever want to see me naked again, I suggest you text message your boys and cancel those plans.”

“Sometimes it’s just hard for me to come.”
She means… “You are really pathetic and desperately need to read a book on cunnilingus, but in an attempt to get you out of my house without looking like the bitch who actually told you what a numb-nut you are, I will make a thinly veiled attempt to make you feel good about the miniscule bit of manhood you have left.”

“You look good without make up.”
He means… “The visual image of you that keeps popping up in my mind is what you will look like as you wake me up with a blow job tomorrow morning, and quite frankly, the details of how much mascara you still have on are a bit fuzzy.”

“To be honest, I don’t really know what she sees in him.”
She means… “I’m so fucking jealous that her boyfriend is way better than the last seven guys I dated put together, I’m going to pretend he’s a loser so that she will either feel bad about herself, or break up with him so I can have a shot.”

“That guy’s a prick.”
He means… “That guy is getting more attention from women than I am because he’s got more game, but I’ll just decide to perceive his confidence as cockiness and talk shit about him to my friends so they know to get my back later on in the night when I decide to start a fight with him in a drunken stooper.”

27 comments.

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Christopher the Pyro asserted

?I want to just be friends.?
She means: Your not getting laid (it doesn’t really matter after that guys)

He means: Get the fuck away from me you crazy bitch

?You look good without make up.?
He means: Maybe you should stop wearing so much makeup you skank

?That guy?s a prick.?
He means: That’s the kind of guy I can watch the game and have a beer with

She means: He just told me how unattractive and annoying I am

March 25th, 2005

chrudat the Virgin remarked

“Do you think that girls pretty”
She means: I desperatley want to try a three-some and I want you to constantly mention it.

March 25th, 2005

My way of thinking » What do men and women mean? the Virgin stated

[…] but of course I am multitasking and surfing random weblogs. I came across this one article about what people really mean when they say certain things. I think someone shou […]

March 26th, 2005

Christine the Lioness scribbled

“You’re friend seems pretty cool…”
She means: I’d like to date your friend instead of you. Is he single?
He means: I’d like to do a three-way with you and your friend.

April 5th, 2005

Christopher the Pyro commented

I think you mean Threesome )

April 6th, 2005

Christine the Lioness quibbed this

te-hee… yes… Thank you, Christopher… I did mean “threesome.” I’ll blame that one on being a blonde… -)

April 6th, 2005

scott s the Virgin commented

good stuff people. by the way, ‘threesome’ and ‘three-way’ are interchangable.

April 29th, 2005

Christine the Lioness asserted

I knew it! Whenever I’ve had them, I always just asked the guys if they wanted to do a three-way and they knew what I meant… -)

May 23rd, 2005

Christine 2 the Mercenary stated

I think as soon as you start to mention it, he hears the “three” and just drops his pants. Surprise him next time with your bi-sexual male friend )

February 25th, 2006

Christine the Lioness chimed in with

Sorry C2… that doesn’t work for me. If I’m going to be with 2 guys, I need double the attention… I certainly don’t need to have my bi-sexual male friend doting over the boy and leaving me in the cold. Ha!

February 26th, 2006

Christine 2 the Mercenary asserted

True, very true. Which reminds me of what a funny stand-up comedian said once. They were talking about how men fantasize about being with two girls, but usually they can’t handle one completely. “Why would you want to piss off two girls?” haha

February 26th, 2006

eric the Lil' Devil scribbled

first of all no matter how enlightened a girl i’ve ever dated when another female is brought to the bed there was always a subtle, i dont know, attention or thrust count in the subconcious of my exes..i.e. who’s getting more tongue or dick time guys i know you can empathize, like when three days pass and your in the middle of deep frying some steak fries and she walks out of the bathroom asking “does she do it better?” followed by the inevitable lie either way;)you could be with aniston and invite over tyra for a romp and questions will be asked whether you please em or not!

February 26th, 2006

Christine 2 the Mercenary chimed in with

wow sounds like you have your hands full alot.;)

February 26th, 2006

eric the Lil' Devil quibbed this

that was the past sadly now i’m a homebody

February 26th, 2006

Christine the Lioness asserted

I seriously have yet to find a guy who can give me enough attention… let alone get another girl off at the same time… which is really why guys who do this type of thing a lot like lesbians… they can share the workload. -)

February 26th, 2006

eric the Lil' Devil penned this

listen up if you & your girl are mashing the meat in the sandwich one riding dick the other face it is obvious that the face ride orgasm is the guys responsibility, but the cowgirl has ta accept at least a smidge of duty to try and shake the fucking mattress off of the frame3 -o

February 27th, 2006

watch replica the Virgin asserted

Our watch replica price is cheaper than other website, and the watch replica is the good watch. you can choose any watch replica to placed order, Once we receive your payment, we will handle the watch replica shipment.

October 15th, 2007

Trouble the Pirate penned this

Eahh, I gotta’ agree with watch replica on this one…

October 15th, 2007

Christine the Lioness up'n wrote this

LOL. I, too, gotta agree that watch replica is the good watch. And I totally trust them with my credit card info… how ’bout you all?

October 15th, 2007

Mara the Peacemaker hunt n' pecked this

“And I totally trust them with my credit card info… how ’bout you all?”

Absofuckinglutely.

October 15th, 2007

ProphetJoe the Irreverent chimed in with

Wow! Based on the endorsements of my 3 close friends (I trust Christine, Mara and the Pirate explicitly), I send that fabulous company my credit card numbers and my bank account number (they said they needed the PIN to confirm my balance — that makes sense, right?). I am expecting an incredible watch within the next 3-4 weeks! My bling is going to be so cool that Donald Trump will eat his heart out!

October 16th, 2007

ProphetJoe the Irreverent quibbed this

* I sent… duh.

Oh and I missed the opportunity to say “donald Trump, eat your (l) out”

I must be slipping….

October 16th, 2007

Trouble the Pirate thought this

I am on my 9th day of the penis enlargement pills… Nothing so far but I am still hopefull… (y)

October 16th, 2007

free breast exams of the Virgin penned this

Mara. Our mamagram is cheapest breast egsam on interiornet. Complex computer program allows us to examine brests over email. Please send naked picturs off your breasts for imediete consultations… Free! Brest exems with all gynological pubic exam of vagina… Send your pics now for direct results!

October 16th, 2007

Mara the Peacemaker quibbed this

I love it when I am offered cheap “mamagrams” on the Internet.

October 16th, 2007

ProphetJoe the Irreverent asserted

At least you didn’t include my signature file — *whew*

Now, about those (p) …

October 16th, 2007

Christine the Lioness asserted

Mara… how could you possibly turn down mamagrams that are cheap and free at the same time? Some girls just don’t know a good deal when they see it…

October 16th, 2007

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