So lately I’ve found myself pointing out situations where I think it might be morally acceptable to hit, your girlfriend, fiance, wife, significant other to Christine. Generally speaking I’m not a big believer in domestic violance toward women.. I generally think people should not hit each other, and was raised never to hit a woman.. now there has been a time or two when I’m watching tv or a movie or even people in general in my life where I’ve thought that women needs her teeth knocked down her throat, alas I usually remove myself from a situation where I would ever feel the need to hit a woman. It has become so morally unacceptable to hit a woman, and I’m just not sure I agree with this, so I’ve been compiling a list of reasons where I feel a guy would be justified in being violent with the woman in his life. Now keep in mind I’ve tried to be fair here, I really don’t think guys should hit women, unless it is really really justified, so men.. if you hit a woman during or because of of any of these reason.. you probably don’t need to feel guilty.. and ladies if you have been hit and you have done any of these things leading up to the ass kicking.. I think you should take a good look at your behavior.
1. When she is spending the night and she feels the need to wake you up for any reasons besides sex or her apendix bursting.. the way I would suggest handling this type of situation is a good elbow to her temple.. this should knock her out until morning.. she probably won’t remember it happening.. and whatever her issue was.. it at least you will both be able to deal with it on a good nights sleep. Now ladies.. in the case that you are horny or having a medical emergency it is important to make sure you wake us up by giving us a blow job otherwise we might think you are waking us up for some dumb ass reason and knock you out by accident thereby messing up our chance to get some tail or endangering your life.. (because I’m pretty sure if you apendix is bursting you need to get to the hospital right away).
2. Sometimes a nice hard smack on the ass is all that is really needed to get her into gear, here are couple good example of situations where you might need to break out your belt or a wooden paddle to have things done in the correct way. It’s one 1pm Saturday and your laundry is still not finished, it is clearly stated in the girlfriend / wife rules that all laundry should be completed by noon Saturday so if it’s not she is obviously neglecting her duties. A few other ways women sometimes neglect their duties is dinner not being ready or dinner being cold when you get home from work.. I do empathize with the ladies, I understand that it is hard to have dinner ready when the man in your life sometimes has to stop and see his mistriss or to get a couple lap dances after work before he comes home… I guess this is just an occupational hazzard of being a girlfriend… so either cook foods that can be reheated when you hear his car pull in or just learn to deal with the occasional beatdowns.
3. She talks back to you / give you attitude. This is one of those things that can be broken early in a relationship with the right amount of physical force, usually a good back hand to the cheek the first 2 or 3 times she lips offs will break her of this habit… occassionally you might have to resort to drastic measures.. usually duct taping her mouth shut.. and I’m not talking about a little duct tape across the mouth I’m talking about the whole way around the back of the head and over the mouth 3 or 4 times and then under the chin and over the head.. hopefully guys you woman will be disaplined enough to not take it off herself .. if she is you will have tie her hands up.. so one you have her duct taped.. leave her like that.. I suggest about 36 hours.. that way she has been really hungry and is dyhydrated… I personally really hate when this type of solution has to be reached.. I just wish women wern’t so thick headed.
I’ll make sure to keep updating this list.. as new examples occure to me!
And people ask me what I see in him…
In Christopher’s defense, this article is mostly bullshit to get a reaction. In reality, he’s only hit me for the #2 reason listed… and he’s never used a belt.
THAT was funny! I especially liked #2.
even if a woman is a highly trained assassin, hitting her will still probably bring the shit down onto a guy. if you win, you’re an asshole. if you lose, you’re, well, a loser.
Lol! When to hit a woman? hmmm.
I agree with most of this.
I don’t know about those reasons, but I seem to meet women who think it’s cool to hit me. Hard. While I’ve never hit back, surely that’s a good reason!
No… that’s a bad reason, Loy. You should first examine why so many women want to hit you. Then, you should stop doing whatever that is that elicits that kind of fiery animosity. Perhaps Christopher can help you… he also seems to have a problem with normally docile women wanting to haul off and sock him in the jaw. Although… I’m not convinced that Christopher has learned how to modify his behavior yet… so scratch that. You’re better off figuring it out on your own.
I do not think it is ever acceptable to hit anyone. It may look kind of cool in the old movies, where a “STATEMENT” is made, but seriously, it doesn’t belong in any kind of loving relationship. I once hit a guy who dne me wrong and I felt awful about it for weeks. I won’t ever do that again.
That was me by the way.
To me.. if a woman is hitting a man then she obviously has mental issues.. I mean she is going to get her ass kicked.., you would think women would be intelligent enough not to hit the man they love.. (unless they are like some women I have dated who get off on pain).
Crap, I thought you were serious and wasn’t sure I wanted to take the leap and read the rest. Glad I did.
That’s some funny stuff…However I was the one usually doing the jabbing in the bed due to the fact that he snores. lol
glad I read on…to see that you have a sense of humour. I think there acceptable reasons to hit a man too…like when he just won’t roll over to stop snoring. A good solid karate chop to the adams apple does more than an elbow in the ribs ever did for me…
Funny, all the non-boyfriend males in my life (friends, little brother) stopped hitting when they realized I hit back. And I’m stronger than most of them.
Same goes for boyfriends, although none of them have been stupid enough to try and hit me … or ask me to do their laundry, for that matter.
Now that said, can I add to the list of reasons to hit guys? Snoring is a good one, as is not changing the oil in the car on time
I think you might have misread the title.. this is clearly a why we should hit women list.
Let’s just be honest about this whole thing… there is NEVER a reason to hit a woman because women are… quite frankly… perfect. We are angelic princesses and men are graced to be in our presence. A man doesn’t feel fulfilled unless there is a woman in his that he can buy things for, take care of, etc. etc. to give his life purpose. It wouldn’t make sense to ever hit such a beautiful, fragile creature because it is against his nature to want to hurt her… and honestly, we can be very vindictive bitches. All I can say is if a guy ever hits me… he better hope I wind up with amnesia… otherwise, I highly recommend he never go to sleep while I’m in close proximity… or leave any possesion he values unattended.
I think Christine has failed to realize that the only reason women are perfect is because of all the beating they get.. women arn’t actually perfect until they are 33 or 34.. by that point they have had all their flaws beaten out.
Things sometimes seem flawed when you don’t understand them… the theory that the earth is round seemed flawed a few years back as well.
hilarious!!
Damn right it’s hilarious.. not like that jibberish Christine rants about…
I’m glad you’re all seeing the humor in Christopher’s warped view of women… don’t bother staging an intervention or anything… I’ll be fine… really. No, really. I’ll be fine. Better than fine! Better than fine! Christopher, please just let go of my hair… I didn’t tell them anything…
Chris only hits her when she makes him mad.
Awesome.
First of all, I have sleep apnea and snore like a mother fucker. If you want to sleep in the same bed as me, bitches, know I am going to snore. If you wake me up, you will find out my pimp hand’s strong. Pimps up, hoes down. what what. I’m for real for real.
I’ve always said that any time a woman obviously has an independent opinion it’s time to start swinging… but that’s just me. Not everyone breaks their women right.
I’ve only been hit in anger 5 times. 3 of those 5 were women, 1 guy ended up in a coma for 3 weeks, and the last lil guy was pulled out of the bar by a friend before the beatings could commence. 2 of the 3 women were hit back and never did it again. The 3rd ran away after cold cocking me from behind and locked herself in a room until I had to leave the house. If I had got my hands on that biotch…. I’d have to up and smack a bitch.
[note: don't hate me. When in Rome...]
Isaac, Isaac, Isaac… a guy who hits women, gets in bar fights, and snores… you obviously have the qualities most women are looking for in a man. Forget beating the girls… I’ll bet you’re beating them off with a stick (hehe– that was a clever little pun if I do say so myself. Should I be locking myself in a bathroom right now???)
The husband knows his place. He knows that if he were ever to hit me, I would retaliate. He wouldnt know when, or where. But it would happen. Things like, putting a laxitive in his thermos of coffe on the days when he will be working away from a bathroom. Calling his mother – let her beat the shit out of him
. Using him for sex. Oh, you think HE would get any? HA! We haff vays you know.
Any man that hits is doing so because he is a big pussy, who has to bully others to make himself feel good.
I’m glad to see that it was a joke, but I will admit that my blood started to boil as I read on.
Hahaha! That was funny indeed.
Well… I do what I can to inspire him.
LOL! You guys are hilarious! And the comments are even more so!
Do you guys get tired thinking up responses to every line the other say? 
Two thumbs up!
Its never right.
George… your falling into the need a sense of humor category.. also.. what if she stabs you in the shoulder with a knife.. I mean that is what Christine did last time I felt the need to smack her around.. seriously at some point violence is an appropriate response.
I’m glad Christopher didn’t hold a grudge over that shoulder stabbing thing… it did force him to hit me with his left hand which is much less accurate than his right.
Ahhh, but seriously… George is right. It is never okay to hit a girl. I’m getting the sense that George is a chris vs. chris virgin… see, sometimes Christopher and I just fuck around because it makes us laugh. I think deep down, Christopher (in the rare, occasional moment of honesty) would agree that men shouldn’t hit women. In reality, he’s never been even remotely violent with me and God knows I can push his buttons. LOL!
My advice to women who hit men is “Do not hit a man if you don’t to be hit like one”. Keep your hands to yourself!
I think this is a rule Christine needs to follow.. because next time she stabs me with a knife.. I’m stabbing her back!
Oh my god… Christopher is being really dramatic about this stabbing thing… it barely– and I mean barely– broke the skin!
hahaha i’d say ur a section crazy for doin that
1 Timothy 5:22 Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men?s sins: keep thyself pure.
“Lay hands suddenly” means “to strike someone”.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it
Rather should a man lay down his life for his wife than to strike her.
This would imply that Christian values somehow guild me.. and as for Christine, who knows what cult she is in this week.. as long as it isn’t stab Christopher in the shoulder religion.. i’m cool.
“guild” or “guide”?
And, speaking of Christine, are you sure it isn’t “geld”? 
ya ya guide god.. between u and christine..
Christopher, please when discussing you, Christine and myself, please always–always, always, always–put Christine *between* you and me.
Ben, is that because you’re homophobic, or scared of Christopher? Besides… why do I ALWAYS have to be in the middle…???
I really don’t think I’m homophobic (didn’t we discuss this in another place?). It’s simply that I’d much prefer a female “buffer” betwixt Christopher and I. And if you don’t prefer to be in the center of such a menagerie, then we can stick my wife there…
Men are such pussies… if you need me to be a fluffer… uh, I meant “buffer” I will… but I’ll have you know that Christopher has no qualms about knocking my ass down to get to you if he’s so inclined. Just so ya know… I doubt your wife is as used to taking a punch as I am.
Oh! You’re talking about *fighting*! Sorry. I was thinking of something else that usually doesn’t involve violence. (…usually…)
But, yes, most men are insecure and childish, resorting to violence and ridicule as a method of squashing others so they can feel that they are “above” those they’ve squashed.
Ah, you’ve just pegged Christopher… how many times did I tell him when we were dating that he didn’t have to pinch me, bend my fingers back, dig his thumb into my knee, or wrestle me to the ground just so he could feel dominant. I told him that if he needed to feel he could dominate me, he just needed to ask who was in control and I would confirm that indeed, it was him, not me…
A man and woman marry and get into their honeymoon suite. He drops his pants and kicks them over to her. “Put those on.”
She steps into them, pulls them up, but no matter how she tries, she can’t keep them up. She looks up at him coyly and says, “I just can’t wear these…”
He grins and says, “That’s right. And remember that. *I* wear the pants in the family.”
She considers for a moment, then takes off her panties, kicks them over to him and says coyly, “Your turn. Put them on.”
He steps into them, pulls them about to his knees before they rip apart. “I can’t do it. I just can’t get into them!”
“That’s right,” she says, “and you’ll never get into my panties again if you keep up with that kind of attitude.”
I’m still trying to figure out your relationship–are Chris and Chris married? Living in sin? Dating? Just friends? Just enemies?
Depends on what day you ask.. right now we are back to being friends (which is generally when I am the safest)
I just want to clarify.. I only physically punished Christine after she attempted to poison me, when she did stab me, knocked my front door down… ect… and also SHE GETS OFF ON IT… it really took me back the first time she asked me to put nipple clamps on her.. but once I realized she was getting off on the pain.. it got easier.
There is a huge difference, still, between striking someone in anger and causing pain as a means of providing sexual pleasure (presuming they are into that, of course).
At some point you should really put up some kind of an explanation of your relationship (or point me to where it is already). It would help to give context to many of your posts…
Whoa… okay… before anyone ends up too misguided… I need to explain that Christopher pretty much lies about everything. The part about us trying to be friends is true… but he made up the kicking the door down, the poisoning, and the stabbing (I did NONE of those… he just thought it would be funny to tell everyone that… however, I was a little surprised that no one seemed very upset by the thought that I might have stabbed in him in the shoulder which just proves that after reading some of his posts, they completely understand how he could have pushed me to doing that). Christopher and I were a couple for about a year until he recently decided he didn’t want to be… some of the posts were written before I fell in love with him, some during that time, and some afterward… there. Now you can enjoy the same emotional roller coaster I’ve been on for the last 14 months, Ben… and if you wind up wanting to stab him, I will totally understand.
Wanting to “stab” him?
Thanks for the update. It’s rather amazing that you two could be friends enough, after a breakup and such (that’s what it sounds like, anyway), to maintain a website together and … well, I was going to say “communicate effectively”, but that isn’t really descriptive of the situation, is it?
Still, your ability to be adult… um … mature … um … grown up … um … amicable … um … okay, I’m at a loss for words. And, for a writer, that’s pretty significant.
I must admit, it would be quite cool if you would post more often. I wind up checking your site daily for updates (mainly because I haven’t figured out all that RSS feed stuff).
ok, she is LYING.. which is what women do, she completely waited until the wound healed and I couldn’t photograph it before she decided to say I was making this up.. but I will show a picture of my chain on my front door that got ripped off when she kicked it down.. but she tends to black out all things whe is emotional.. so it doesn’t surpirse me at all that she doesn’t remember her craziness.
You’re a total asshole! They aren’t your subbordinates that you can disciple and “keep in line!” That is the one of the most, arrogant, sexist, and despicable things I have ever read. People like you are the reasons I hate other men.
Yes, Lance… Christopher is certainly damaged… I’ve asked him many times what happened to him to make him hate women so much. I still am not sure what that traumatic incident was, but I can assure you, it happened long before I met him.
Lance.. maybe they arn’t YOUR subbordinates because your a pussy faggot but they are certainly mine.
He gets a little defensive and confrontational when someone tells him he’s wrong… and just for the record, Lance, I think I remember calling him an asshole a couple times too.
Ya but I beat that habit out of her.
Have you ever been out, anywhere in public, where you see a couple arguing? You notice that the girl is getting louder and louder and just bitching at the guy for what seems as an outsider to be for no good reason other than to be a bitch… I am comletely against physical force in most cases, but I can’t help but to think to myself, “why don’t you just fucking smack that bitch”!
Funny, Megan? your last comment about tipping mentioned that you can?t assume you know someone?s situation (that they?re dumb or lazy or whatever) just because they?re waiting tables? yet, somehow? you seem to be able to judge who is correct in an argument? as an outsider? without knowing the circumstances. I guess that whole ?let?s not be judgmental thing? only applies to people who are judging you? Just curious?
i’d like to rehash this topic by asking this question,what is the first thing a battered woman does after she gets out of the hospital?……the fucking dishes if she knows what’s good for her!,if that doesn’t work try this one what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?…… nothing you already told her twice
I think those tips are going to be super helpful with Christine.. (Are you listening Christine!)
Very well said eric my boy! I had forgotten those, but as it is said 3rd times a charm, and if the two black eyes didn’t work sometimes you need to bloody a lip!
I feel it is in my best interest to add this rule as well…being that I’m living in this hell right now I feel it is relevant. I think that it should be ok to strike a woman in anger when she has ripped off your driver’s side windshield wiper for the third time even after filing what seems to be a worthless police report and she didn’t get that hint! I think when senseless money spent on fixing the same problem for soemthing not malfunctioning on your car reaches over $100 I think a nice PIMPSLAP across the face would work wonders. B/c honestly i don’t feel like shopping for a new car, and I’m not planning on moving anytime soon!
Dude… if you need to replace your driver’s side windshield wiper… I have like three I could sell you…
She’s serious dude.. she has taken one from each of my cars.. my old stealth, the audi and the ferarri..
thanx but I’m good i got another new one from the chevy dealership! it was slightly expensive, but I couln’t find one at the junk yards. i guess i exhausted all of them already!
You probably don’t have the right car anyway, but good looking though!
You both missed the joke… I was suggesting that *I* was the girl stealing your driver’s side windshield wipers and I was willing to sell them back to you… Get it? :-<
I didn’t miss the point.. I know your crazy a bitach
sry shitty subject right now
( I wouldn’t put it past u but that would be n expensive endevor to fly out here and do that shit lol i know what you look like now so i will keep my eyes peeled. 
Dude… I’m gonna figure out a way to help you end the crazy cycle of windshield-wiper stealing… unfortunately, I’ve had a very long day, got my ass kicked at racquetball by a woman who is like 35 years older than I am, and have a headache. But once I’m back on my game, I will solve your problem and this bitch will rue the day you ever decided to bring this situation up on chris vs chris. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it…
Maybe Christine 2 can help think up a way to solve this also… Christine 2 is way more psychotic and vindictive than I am… 
Thanx christine you don’t seem all that bad from the shit chris has told me bout you and what i’ve read here! j/k any help would be appreciated, and to that “vindictive psycho” christine 2 any helpwould be appreciated
Men don’t hit ladies. Ladies don’t hit first. A woman that hits first is asking to get the hell beat out of her.
That’s stupid. That’s like saying if a child comes up and kicks me, I have a right to beat the shit out of the kid. As the person in that situation who could do a lot of damage to the other, I don’t have that right. The retaliation simply isn’t proportional. I’m not suggesting anyone should hit anyone else. But let’s be realistic… it’d be like Christopher getting hit by some guy off the street or getting hit by Mike Tyson. Not the same. It’s funny how men want to profess how much bigger and stronger they are than women when it works in their favor… like sports, but suddenly, if a woman hits them, they’ll be the first ones to tell you they’re now on equal ground and somehow a fair fight when it comes to phyiscal ability in causing damage to the other one. You either are or you aren’t… can’t have it both ways.
ok listen, some people need fucking beat, regardless of sex age or race, if you ask for a beating then chris and i will oblige those of age, for all those not of age, we will employ christine and hide her psych meds from her to subdue her morals;)
It’s called.. dispreportional response Christine.. while not always the best way to go when dealing in international politics.. it works remarkably well when dealing with someone weaker then you.
I think I’m in closer agreement with eric here! Some ppl just need beat. To solve the whole kid question christine you need to do this. If a kid somehow gets the best of you which as an adult shouldn’t happen, but say that it does. You find some kid of equal age, give him $5 dollars to run up and beat the shit out of the kid who got to you. Morals undamaged, and you got even with the lil’ punk. Yeah your out $5, but it would be worth it!
It is a simple concept. If you don’t want to be hit, then don’t hit anyone. Nobody has the right to cross over and cause harm to anyone else (including women). The way I see it, its not equal rights at all, its about crossing the line. If a woman hits me, I’ll smack her back, and I don’t feel one bit guilty about it. sometimes that is what it takes to show someone they can’t go around hurting people just because they are pissed off about a few words. If you don’t want to get hit, keep your grimy hands off of someone and you won’t get hit.
Well I haven’t had to beat Christine in a long time.. at least a few months.. after her last broken arm she stopped hitting me while I was driving. She still however likes to do crazy dangerous things to me while I sleep.. like steal my covers, push me out of bed, fling her arms around like a mad woman…
Good times!
Now I did not go through and take the time to read all of the comments on this particular subject because that would be time consuming and ridiculous so if this has all ready been stated my bad. If you are a woman and you are dating someone you think can throw a good punch (which I do agree that sometimes women can be so completely and utterly frustrating that hitting them seems to be the only way to convince them to shut up or stop) you should be ready for it, and dodge it. and if you can’t move that fast make sure you can take a hit haha. If you can’t do the two previously stated things, make sure you date a guy you think you can take